I like chic fliks. Call it unmasculine or call it cool, but I even get teary eyed during most of them. Like tonight, I rented Save the Last Dance and these great googly fat ones welled up when Sarah told Derrick about her Mom and how she felt responsible...

I've been trying to toughen up a bit the past couple months so I suppose admitting that in the open drops me back a step or two. Hehe. Honestly, I don't really care but I thought it might be funny to play it up that way.

It started with the diet to lose a tiny bit of body fat (most people would be perfectly happy with the amount I carry I suppose) and worked it's way into more exercise, and now I'm doing the whole "Protein Diet/body building routine." Never really been happy with my strength or muscle mass but I've never really had the willpower to stick to a work out program for very long.

So why the sudden change? New Years resolution? Not really. A big factor is my turning towards the future and building myself up into the man I want to be--financially, physically, and academically steady. I have never really mourned the lack of a college degree...well, not too much anyway and not often. I haven't really tried to finish my degree while enlisted either...When prompted I have looked into it, but there's just so many hurdles for me to overcome--the biggest ones being establishing residency requirements (with the college, not the state) and transferring credits.

Back on track to the "Arnie plan"...I think I'm drawing a lot of negative energy from work now a days. Not so much because of the current load, but because of the anticipated load. With so many things on the horizon right now, it frustrates me to no end that I can't prepare myself for it. So much hinges on having my security clearance (and even two weeks after requesting my INTERIM, I've got nothing! and I'm getting a real case of the ass with my S-2 section about that). SO much hinges on definitive plans being laid on. Right now I can't get a straight answer abotu exactly what I'll be doing two weeks from now. I can't get a definitive answer about what kind of support I'll have to do what I may be doing two weeks from now. I can't even get a general overview or mass consensus on my AO in the next few months. I'm signed up to do two weeks of income tax assistance per my training last week...but who knows if I'll even be on Okinawa to do it? It's Driving ME CRAZY!!!!!!!

So....anyway. all this negative energy...I'm releasing it at the gym, by focusing on my diet, by fine tuning my work out routine...
It's constructive in a way...but, at the same time...I haven't been sleeping well lately. Last thursday, as a matter of fact, I woke up every hour and a half, almost clockwork...I couldn't slip past a single rem cycle into a deeper sleep...my body just physically wouldn't let me do it. So of course I had a fantastic work out at the gym that morning and stayed out till about 0200 saturday morning watching my boys Chuck Wow...I managed to stay sober and get a good recording (venue and mixing limitations aside) this time...

I got the mix CD from Christa last week. What amazes me most is how easily we communicate to those we hold dear with music. People write songs, add lyrics, and all of a sudden, something that would take the skill of Elliott to set to ordinary text becomes the heart's anthem...I miss Christa. I think that, outside my family, I mean more to her than anyone in this world...and vice versa. Knowing Christa is a double edged sword to me though, I must admit. Everything about her whispers soul mate...and yet on the issue of lover/girlfriend/wife, the wind is dead silent. In a prior life or a seperate dimension, she and I must have been/be starcrossed lovers in need of nothing save each other...but in this one...friends...

"In a prior life we must have been a scorching couple."
"But in this one...friends."

Singles

I have to go. I need to repay the musical soloquoy. 

current mood:  indescribable
current music: Pearl Jam _Ten_ 

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