• moustache
• stubble powder
• cape
• bowler hat

Before I ordered my Instant Homo Kit my life was really boring. I had only been to one party in the last five years. My nights were empty, lonely, and long. I started knitting - but had to give up after a vicious attack by the needles

Finally, in desperation, I ordered the IHK. It changed my life. I am an extremely popular person, always in demand at social events.

Sir - On the strength of your advertisements we ordered 10 Instant Homo Kits for our populace. I was initially aprehensive, but the effect of the Instant Homo Kits exceeded my most optimistic expectations.

Our folks are no longer the forgotten members of society. They are always in demand at community dances and the like. Now, living life to the full, they are striving to outdo each other in full-fledged campness. We now have Instant Homo debates, Instant Homo quiz shows, and Instant Homo coffee drinking competitions.

I am a homosexual person. I used to consider myself special and different. But now I find myself outdone, again and again, by Instant Homos. It's enough to make an honest homosexual sick.