Stroker's Interview with Roger McWoof, new world record holder for feet.

SLW: How do you feel?

RM: (panting) Wonderful, wonderful! It's a great day for me and my family, God bless them, they're a wonderful lot, it's been such a long hard road, there's -

SLW: Yes, so. Tell us, how did you break the world record for feet?

RM: Well the previous record was two, not many really, pathetic effort, absolutely commonplace if you know what I mean.

SLW: But I see you managed five.

RM: Yes THAT'S RIGHT! More than doubled the old record, and I think I'll be safe for a while. Takes a lot of training, you know, a lot of commitment, a lot of talent...

SLW: talent?

RM: yes it's not easy getting five feet.

SLW: How exactly did you get yours?

RM: I was born with them.

SLW: Look, there's no talent in being born with five feet. That's just how your genes happened to be, pure luck, that's all.

RM: Yes, luck, and a lot of talent, my word, perspiration! The number of times I felt like giving up, but thanks to family, they're great, wonderful, really -

SLW: You're complete shit. I'm going to chop off your legs.

Pulls out chainsaw and lops off three of McWoof's legs.

SLW: And so I have saved humanity once again from this poor excuse for pretention.

RM: My word I'm losing a lot of blood.

Stroker's Interview with Doctor Monkey Purple, leading surrealist.

Dr. Monkey Purple

Stroker "Limit" Weasel

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Today I'm about to interview Dr. Monkey Purple, the foremost surrealist alive today. Should be a really weird interview - be prepared.

SLW: Good evening, Dr. Purple.

DMP: Call me Monkey.

SLW: So Monkey, where do your surrealist ideas come from?

DMP: Well, sometimes I look up random words in a dictionary. Sometimes I copy other people's stuff.

SLW: Isn't that plagiarism?

DMP: Yes that's right.

SLW: Ummmmm - what's your favourite colour?

DMP: Blue.

SLW: Oh. That's not very surreal.

DMP: No.

SLW: What's your favourite food?

DMP: Broad beans.

SLW: Oh. Look, can you just say something surreal?

DMP: Can't think of anything.

SLW: Well you're a piece of shit aren't you?

DMP: Fuck! Can I use that?

At this point Dr. Purple walks away muttering "I am a piece of shit! Brilliant!"

Next week we'll be talking to a close associate of Dr. Monkey Purple, the avante garde painter King Fishslice.