Apache Helicopters for America's Impoverished Youth

How many times have you seen a poor boy walking down the street in utter despair and thought to yourself, "I think that child needs an Apache Helicopter!" Many times I'm sure, and if you haven't, shame on you!! What America's youth need is direction. They need to feel like they can be somebody, like they have an identity. The solution to this is to start an Apache Helicopters for America's Impoverished Youth Fund to purchase helicopters for the ghetto orphanages of the inner city. Armed with these war machines, the children will have something to live for, something to be proud of, and something that they can point to and claim as their own. With these helicopters the children will be able to take field trips to the local zoo and not even have to pay admission. They will be able to fly right over the gate and land in a nice picnic spot. And who's to stop them when they're armed with such incredible fire power? If the government wants to sell their old Apache Helicopters then they should go to the people who are the most deserving. Not to that rich kid down the block who already owns a nuclear sub, but to the poor child in the hospital, dying of cancer, who wants as his last wish to take a ride in an Apache Helicopter. I beg you, look around your homes and make note of all the wonderful things you take for granted, then think of the poor boy in downtown Chicago who sleeps in dirty sheets every night and has to use a bedpan instead of an actual toilet. Think of how much better his life would become if he owned an Apache Helicopter. Take heart America and support this campaign for peace, for without our countries youth we will not survive beyond the turn of the century!!

Please send all donations to the orbitals, c/o AHAIYF.

Imminent Canadian Invasion

Sit and think for a moment about the last time you heard anything about Canada in the news, or the last time Canada came up in conversation, or the last time Canada did anything really important. Can't think of one, can you? This is exactly the way they want it. Canada doesn't want anyone to think about them or check up on them because they are preparing for a full scale invasion of the US and then of the world. They have already planted many spies in key industries under the guise of actors and comediens. Ever heard of Rick Moranis, John Candy, and Micheal J. Fox? Or how about the recently very popular Kids in the Hall? (Although it is thought that they may be double agents due to the message of their movie Braincandy which appeared to be hinting at how the Canadians intended to take over an entire country.) Scary, isn't it? And these are but a few of the many Canadians that we have come to accept as a part of American life. This is all to bring our guard down so that we will be completely caught by surprise when the attack finally comes. So, be forewarned America, the orbitals are taking a great risk by posting this information on their page. Don't blow it off as some cheap joke to make you laugh, that's exactly what the Canadians want you to do. Take it seriously, and the next time you meet a Canadian don't stick around to admire their silly accent, run the other way as fast as you can and pray that they don't shoot you in the back!!

Microwaves: Safety First

Don't be fooled by microwave ovens. They work quickly, and do not give out heat you can feel. But scald burns resulting from splattering foods from the microwave are a common hazard.

Preschoolers like to push the buttons and hear the beeping sound made by some microwave ovens. They must be taught to avoid microwaves as they would any other potentially harmful appliance.

Did you know that:

Although the container may be cool, food heated in microwave ovens is very hot, hot enough to cause scald burns. Liquids heated in a microwave oven may not turn into steam, even though they are very hot. Moving these containers of hot liquid, or putting a utensil or other object into them creates a "Steam bubble" and the hot liquid may splash out, causing a scald burn. Liquids heated in a microwave are very hot, even if the container they are heated in is cool. Microwave ovens do not always heat evenly. Food that feels cool to the touch in one place may be hot enough to burn in another place. Also, foods that feel cool on the surface may be quite hot in the center. It is a good idea to let food cool for 60 seconds or more in the oven before removing it. Food hot enough to burn will cool down while remaining warm enough to enjoy. Microwaves may heat food differently than conventional ovens, but there is nothing different about the scald burns they cause. Treat mild burns as you would any other mild burn - with lots of cool water.

Most metal objects should be excluded from a microwave oven as any sharp edges (areas of high electric field gradient) may create sparking or arcing. However, often times you do see metal inside a microwave. Microwave safe metal shleves have nicely rounded corners and therefore do not cause sparking. Also, many food packages actually contain thin films of metal that speed the cooking process. For example, new packaging techniques use metalized polyethylene terephthalate (PET) film laminated to paperboard as a heat susceptor. This surface absorbs microwaves, and becomes a miniature "frying pan" to brown or fry the foods in the package. Certain brands of microwave popcorn are cooked in this manner.

Why the orbitals loathe moronic punk-rock boneheads

Just recently we, the collective force known to the public as the orbitals, did a favore for a friend, Jimmy the Worm. This favor was to take his bands place and play at a rich kinds punk rock party. Now this is where the idiocy begins, rich... punk-rock... I am confused? Hey, I have a great idea, let's have mommy and daddy buy us 50 dollar gap jeansa and then tatter them up, or since we don't care about anything or anyone let's spend 2-3 hourse on our spikes and 73 dollars on our pants with lots of zippers and ropes inbetween the legs. O.K., don't get me wrong, I have many friends that buy into that scene, why I don't know, most of the music is horrid ... "Total Chaos" rocks!? ... but they are good people. However, the kids that we ran into at the "party" need to be punished or at least get yelled at. These kids are so stupid, especially their prepubescent "threats" to conformity. That is probably the most pathetic part of all of it. The fact that it started with people trying be different and to try and shock people with all their piercings and ripped up clothes. But it has just turned into a part of society. So many people tried to be individuals in the same way that they ended up all being alike. Now they have their own styles and their own do's and don't's of punk-rock. It's no longer individualistic, it's conforming to a different set of standards. So screw all those pathetic punk-rockers who think that destroying other peoples property is cool, and who, despite their "rebelling" against society, will still attend a party at a really nice house. And mind you, this isn't coming from the point of view of people who are already rich and hate that these kids can't come to grips with it, according to Jimmy the Worm the orbitals are "punk as fuck." And if you ask anybody about Jimmy they'll probably tell you he's as punk-rock as they come.

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