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ANGEL :
DON’T WANNA RUN

Ok, where do I start? I guess with the basics. Angel is the latest musical endeavour fronted by the sexy blonde bombshell known as Helena Iren Michaelsen. That name should sound familiar to you as she sang on the first two discs from Trail Of Tears, and them formed the band Imperia. Now, I was very much looking forward to this release, why you ask? Well for one thing, I love Helena's vocals. I loved her work on those Trail Of Tears albums, and I think Imperia is pretty impressive. Finally, I'm just a big fat sucker for all these semi-gothic, female-fronted Metal bands. Yes, I'm the guy that buys all that stuff on Napalm Records, and worships at the feet of vocalists such as Liv Kristine (Leaves' Eyes / Theatre Of Tragedy). So, when I heard Helena had a new semi solo-ish project coming, I was ready to surrender my hard earned money. What we have here for review is not the actual debut album, but rather the first single. There's no real delicate way to put this, so here it goes... this disc sucks! It sucks long, and it sucks hard. It sucks so fuckin' hard that I'm surprised it doesn't bend light into itself like some sonic black hole! Are you shocked? Well, so was I man, so was I... To begin with, this is so far removed from the world of Heavy Metal, that it's not even funny. If it were not for her connections to her other bands, this would never qualify to be reviewed at the Pad... and keep in mind we trawl with a pretty wide net here. Now, the full album, entitled "A Woman's Diary: Chapter 1", could be different. I don't have it, so I can't speak to it, but this single has more in common with the shite musicals written by Andrew Lloyd Webber, than it does with anything metallic! Except for some very minimal keyboards, the first three songs are almost done a cappella! Helena's vocals are fine, but the songs are slow, awkward, exceedingly boring, and utterly forgettable. Oddly enough, the title track here does not appear on the full album (it's on the limited edition digipak version however). The second track, "Mother", (with lyrics that make Keith Caputo's mournful rantings in Life Of Agony seem almost up-beat) is listed here as a special acoustic version, so maybe the album version has some kind of balls to it. Track three, "Heaven", appears to be unique to this release. Then, when you think it can't get much worse, it does just that. The last song, "Darkness", is nothing more than 2 minutes and 45 seconds of insane ranting, raving, and screaming in various voices, all done by Helena! One of the voices sounds like Jean Stapleton as Edith Bunker, so like, ...that's a treat... I've read many positive reviews for the actual album, but with this single as my only precursor, my recommendation is to avoid said platter like you would a Justin Timberlake CD! For more info, check out the lass and her bands at helena-michaelsen.com.
RATING = 2 Semi A Cappella / Acoustic Boredom (Released 2005)

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