These are the rules for people who come and crash at my apartment. They're to be followed the best that they can be. I also have a list of amendments to the rules that is to be read also if you're going to crash here. I reserve the right to change and add to the rules as I see fit.

1. If you come here to sleep off your drunkenness and happen to puke anywhere but in the toilet it had best be cleaned up by the time I wake up or come home. If it isn’t cleaned up I will rub your face in it and you won’t be here drunk anymore. And you still have to clean it up.

2. If you still live at home and are under 18 and come to stay here, I would prefer if your parent or guardian knew where you were but didn’t know my phone number.

3. Don’t fuck up my CD’s. They are in alphabetical order for a reason.

4. If a CD should happen to go missing while I’m not here I will blame everyone that was there at the time. If I don’t know who all was there at the time I will blame whoever I know was there. If the CD doesn’t return in a day, I will charge everyone who was there $20.

5. If you decided to cook, clean your dishes and replace everything you used, unless it was something like milk or herbs, in which case a coin donation will do.

6. You are free to read any books and watch any movies you want but try to get them back to their homes.

7. My toys are your toys but if I find them getting broken, my toys will be locked away.

8. Don’t touch the computer.

9. Don’t touch the guitar.

10. Don’t go into my bedroom for any reason. That is my place.

11. Don’t wear my clothes.

12. If you’re drunk your keys will be confiscated at the door and you won’t get them back until you’re sober. If I am not home I expect your keys to be hanging on the short CD rack.

13. Ask me before taking my blankets and pillows. I get first dibs on them.

14. The futon is under a first come, first serve law. Don’t fight over it.

15. I don’t expect payment for me letting you crash here, however it would put you in better standing if you should happen to vacuum or dust while I’m away. It would also be cool if my garbage were taken out. Don’t think that because one person does something while you’re here that it covers for you too.

16. Flush the damn toilet. It never stops running hence why there’s a bucket in the bathtub. Take the back cover off and put 2 buckets of water in then flush.

17. If you shower hang your towel up so they’ll dry. I’m not cool with dirty towels on the floor.

18. Don’t use my labrets or in general anything in the white basket in the bathroom. That’s all sterile and I use it on my piercing.

19. Don’t use my notebooks.

20. Don’t burn candles unless you asked me first.

21. Smoking is allowed, but please use an ashtray not the sink.

22. I will deny any illegal drug use on my property if ever asked and I won’t cover for you if the cops should happen to show up. All I ask on this issue is that you don’t deal from my apartment.

23. If the phone rings answer it. If it’s one of my parents tell them that I’m shopping and I’ll call back. If it’s my boss or any co-worker other than Wendy tell them I died or something or I’m out of town for the week. If it’s some psycho guy for Wendy she’s shopping with me.

24. Keep the noise down. I like to sleep sometimes too.

25. Try to stay inside once you’re here or out on the balcony (one or two at time out there at a time though).

26. If you drink my soda you’ll be purchasing my soda.

27. Beer is sometimes available. If you drink it all you’re buying the next beer. You have to ask me before you can have a beer, unless you’re special. To find out if you’re special ask me.

28. Personality conflicts are thrown out at the door. Unless the conflict is with me, in which case you’ll be thrown out the door.

29. No parties unless I’m there to partake in the festivities.

30. Don’t read the journals or anything that I have written unless you have gotten express permission.

31. Don’t take the big ugly anywhere while I’m sleeping and not tell me. Don't wake me up to tell me you're taking the big ugly anywhere. You can just be patient and wait for me to wake up.