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COMMENTARY TRACKS (ARCHIVE)

Midterms
- By Shaun Collins

This is an open letter to the DVD departments of Warner Brothers and Paramount Studios.

What the hell is wrong with you guys?

DVD is no longer a format in it's infancy. It is the fastest growing electronics format ever. Over 20 percent of homes will be DVD equipped by the end of this year, over 50 percent by 2002. DVD accounts for nearly 1/3 of rental business at some national chains. And over and over again, in every instance we hear about fully loaded DVDs winning awards and the loyal customers who purchase them.

And yet your DVDs ... suck.

Time and time again I have reviewed DVDs from both your studios, and time and time again I have graded them with D grades for their lack of content. It's time you learn that the movie alone won't cut it anymore. 20th Century Fox has set the standard with their DVD special editions.

Take just one look at their 5 star collection titles like the DIE HARD trilogy, THE SOUND OF MUSIC, and INDEPENDENCE DAY, or the 2 disc sets for BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, THE ABYSS, and the just released STAR WARS: EPISODE ONE: THE PHANTOM MENACE, and you will see the very definition of fully loaded DVDs.

DreamWorks is not far behind, with stunning work like GLADIATOR, WHAT LIES BENEATH, and the upcoming ALMOST FAMOUS/UNTITLED - BOOTLEG CUT. What these discs from these studios have in common, is features. Tons of features. Audio commentary, documentaries, trivia facts, and more. These studios have given us a reason to plunk down 20 bucks or more and buy a DVD.

Pick up any Paramount DVD with the exception of M:I2, THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY, or SLEEPY HOLLOW, and you'll find nothing. Paramount actually lists widescreen and Dolby surround as "special features." Give me a break. This is DVD we're talking about. We've seen the ads. "The picture is clearer, the sound is breathtaking" and all that. We expect this stuff on a disc. Scene selection is NOT an extra! It should be standard issue, like antilock breaks.

Just when I'd given up hope, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. First, you go and release a great box set for the GODFATHER trilogy, and the eagerly awaited 2 disc STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE: THE DIRECTOR'S EDITION, films that deserve the royal treatment and are getting it. Perhaps there is hope for you after all. Keep up the momentum!

Warner Brothers on the other hand... To quote Dr. Evil, "You just don't get it, do ya, Scott?" Witness CATS & DOGS. Great disc, lots of extras. Pan-&-Scan. WHAT!?! You mean full frame hasn't been run out of town on a rail like a shoddy bum who just pissed on your shoe? What the hell!?!  And then there's this whole slew of "cheapie" discs you priced at $14.99 and under. Hey, great, but they're NOT WORTH BUYING! Why waste money on a $14.99 disc with nothing, when I can spend 5 or 10 dollars more and get a FOX special edition? I don't care what film it is, despite all my reviews to the contrary, the absolute bottom line is nothing is a MUST HAVE, unless you make it worth my while and my hard earned dollar. I can buy 3 extra value meals at McDonalds for the price of your "crap discs" and get a whole lot more substance. Hell, even a happy meal comes with a free toy.

What makes all of this really frustrating, is that I own THE MATRIX, which was the first great DVD. I know you guys can do better than this, you just choose not to.

And don't even get me started on those snap cases. Lean in real close so I can break the news to you.

EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD WHO COLLECTS DVDs HATES YOUR CASES!!!!

I hope that is clear enough for you. I work in a video store, and have not met one person yet since the introduction of the format who doesn't prefer the regular plastic case to your snap case. So knock it off already.  The bar has been raised. FOX continues to lead, and other studios are closing the gap. Just witness NEW LINE's new Infinifilm program. Awesome stuff.

So I guess the question you studio execs have to ask yourselves is how long are you willing to lag behind in the most explosive marketplace of all time? Consider this midterms guys, the grades are in, and some of you are failing the mark.

Studio DVD grading: (Keep in mind, this is scored JUST on DVD content, not film quality)

20th CENTURY FOX -

Claim To Fame - STAR WARS: EPISODE ONE: THE PHANTOM MENACEMust See Body Of Work - DIE HARD Trilogy, THE ABYSS, INDEPENDENCE DAY, THE SOUND OF MUSIC, THE X-FILES BOX SETS, CAST AWAY, FIGHT CLUB, M*A*S*H, M*A*S*H BOX SET

Honorable Mentions - X-MEN, ALIENS, PLANET OF THE APES, WILLOW

MIA - STAR WARS Trilogy (Blame Lucas)

Comments - Keep up the good work.

DreamWorks -

Claim To Fame - GLADIATOR

Must See Body Of Work - THE PRINCE OF EGYPT, WHAT LIES BENEATH, SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, CHICKEN RUN, AMERICAN BEAUTY, ALMOST FAMOUS, SHREK

Honorable Mentions - THE ROAD TO EL DORADO, EVOLUTION

MIA - Commentary from Spielberg

Comments - Get Spielberg to do commentary and laugh all the way to the bank.

CRITERION -

Claim To Fame - Taking other's work and making it better.

Must See Body Of Work - ARMAGEDDON, THE ROCK, SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, CHASING AMY

Honorable Mentions - RUSHMORE, SEVEN SAMURAI

MIA - PULP FICTION

Comments - Taking a series of classic and socially relevant films and turning them into treasures has carved a special nitch out for this company among film fans. This pleases us.

DISNEY -

Claim to fame - SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS

Must See Body Of Work - TOY STORY TOY BOX, FANTASIA ANTHOLOGY, TARZAN, THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE, DINOSAUR, The SCREAM Trilogy, GONE IN 60 SECONDS, TRON SPECIAL EDITION

Honorable Mentions - THE CROW, HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME, REMEMBER THE TITANS

MIA - THE LION KING

Comments - Disney (which encompasses Dimension, Hollywood, Touchstone, and other studios) has done a complete 180 from the early days of DVD, and now ranks among the heavyweights. Good job.

NEW LINE -

Claim To Fame - infinifilm

Must See Body Of Work - NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET BOX SET, BLOW, THIRTEEN DAYS, 15 MINUTES

Honorable Mention - AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME, LOST IN SPACE

MIA - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (common, admit you'd buy it)

Comments - Always solid and getting better.

UNIVERSAL -

Claim to fame - Spielberg

Must See Body Of Work - JURASSIC PARK, THE MUMMY, THE MUMMY RETURNS, JAWS

Honorable Mention - BRING IT ON, THE LOST WORLD

MIA - E.T. and the kick ass director's cut of WATERWORLD.

Comments - Has gotten better and is now holding steady, but could still improve more.

COLUMBIA / TRI-STAR -

Claim to fame - MEN IN BLACK

Must See Body Of Work - A KNIGHT'S TALE, CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE 3RD KIND, MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL, LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, GHOSTBUSTERS

Honorable Mentions - BAD BOYS, CHARLIE'S ANGLES, GODZILLA

MIA - STARSHIP TROOPERS. (The kick ass version we all know could be made and hasn't.)

Comments - Working hard with not much to work with.

ARTISAN - (And improving)

Claim to fame - TERMINATOR 2: ULTIMATE EDITION

Must See Body Of Work - TOTAL RECALL, MADE

Honorable Mentions - BASIC INSTINCT, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT

MIA - ?

Comments - Not afraid to push the boundaries, but sometimes it hurts.

MGM - (And improving)

Claim to fame - Bond, James Bond (all 19 of them)

Must See Body Of Work - THE TERMINATOR, HANNIBAL, THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, THE BEATLES' YELLOW SUBMARINE

Honorable mentions - THE PRINCESS BRIDE, THE ROCKY BOX SET, STARGATE SERIES BOX SET

MIA - UHF, Musicals galore.

Comments - Off to a rocky start, but seem to be moving in the right direction now.

PARAMOUNT -

Claim To Fame - THE GODFATHER Trilogy

Must See Body Of Work - STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE: THE DIRECTOR'S EDITION, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 2, SLEEPY HOLLOW

Honorable Mentions - THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY, TOMB RAIDER

MIA - Good versions of virtually everything they've released to date including the other TREK films and TITANIC, INDIANA JONES (blame George again).

Comments - The light at the end of the tunnel could still be an oncoming train.

WARNER BROS. -

Claim To Fame - THE MATRIX

Must See Body Of Work - JFK, SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE, THE WIZARD OF OZ

Honorable Mentions - THE GOONIES, CATS & DOGS, THE IRON GIANT, WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

MIA - Extra features, widescreen presentation, only the very things that make DVDs worth buying.

Comments - Warner scored a touchdown with THE MATRIX, and hasn't been on the board since. Wake up!