Mr. Malo - "Pretty calm seas, eh Jason?"
Mr. Malo - "Now, then, we need someone that could read this as a total bitch. Hmmm...Carmen?"
(after the story)
Mr. Malo - "What was the moral of the story?"
Lau - "Don't get married to a bitch."
Mr. Malo - "And my shirt was completely ripped---"
Lau - "Sounds like a typical weekend for Malo."
Mr. Malo - "Fine. You guys win. Sure, we will watch the movie today. But please note that the tape is at my house..."
Carmen - "We could crash at your place!"
Felicia - "Sleepover at Malo's!"
Farzana - "I'd pay hundreds of dollars for your hair."
Lau - "No! You're not getting my hair!"
Ms. Dillingham - "This is a one-page assignment about yourself. I know most teenagers are complex people, but you can't fit everything in. Try your best to pare it down. Any questions?"
Riley - "...one page?!?"
Maley - "Don't worry, Riley. You can copy off me!"
Jer - "Could I borrow your makeup? Mine is running."
Lau - "Away from you?"
GRADE TEN - 2002-2003
Mom - "You're not going to believe this."
Lau - "Neither am I!"
Mrs. McKerlich - "15ma? Ma? I've never seen that before in my life!"
Lau - "Must be a Jewish thing."
The Jake - "Shut your mouth!"
Lau - "Huh?"
The Jake - "Oh, nevermind. I'm talking about Shaft."
Lau - "Ah, I see. Then I can dig it."
Dylan - "Let the balloon go!"
Beatty - (blowing up a giant balloon)"No. That would be immature."
Herman - "Goodbye, Mr. Baerg!"
Mrs. Lucas - "That isn't appropriate, Herman!"
Mr. Barham - "Grade 11 Math Textbook. The frog continues."
Nik - "Grade 12 is probably the frog hitting a wall."
Mrs. Kung - "We call them batteries, but actually, they're cells."
Nik - "OH NO! WHAT WERE WE THINKING??"
Mr. Shirran - "Prisoner! Stand!"
Najin - "Aah! Well why is there a desk there, then?"
Mr. Shirran - "To tempt you."
Mr. Shirran - "Victorian tables had very shapely legs."
Furious D - "I have one of those!"
Lau - "Shapely legs?"
Mr. Shirran - "They covered the tables with sheets to hide the sexy legs."
Harmony - "Eric, stop fondling your desk!"
Liz - "I hate you, that's IT! I'll meet YOU by the flagpole."
The Jake - "Don't you mean the monkeybars?"
Liz - "Oh, doing it oldschool!"
The Jake - "Yes, well, technically elementary was our old school."
Lau - "Go sit by Bricault."
A. - "You're more amusing."
Lau - "Not visually."
Andrew - "I once went skydiving. My parachute opened, but I sort of let go. I landed on my head and got brain damage. It didn't affect my job though!"
Natalie - "What's your job?"
Andrew - "I'm the President of the United States!"
Andrew - "I always do stupid things. Like once, I went to a zoo, and had my face half clawed off by a tiger. It didn't affect my job, though!"
Natalie - "What's your job?"
Andrew - "I'm the Prime Minister of Canada!"
Anum - "Oh yeah? You think my english is bad? Today, Jason said that 'we are furthering our math skills.' Ha."
Lau - "...that's a word."
Anum - "SHIT!"
Hank- "I hate math. Math is pedophile."
Rylan - "Yeah, Hank, it's pedophile."
Hank - "You won't be laughing at me after I kamikaze your house to the ground, Rylan."
Eric - "Yeah Hank, that's a great plan."
Hank - "Shut up, Eric, or you're second!"
Hank - "We should mix all the samples together. Make a battle of the protists."
Alex - "Cell Smackdown...Celltastasrophe! Oh man, that one was so weak, I'm surprised Fox hasn't bought the rights to it yet."
Lau - "Did it happen in the morning, or the afternoon?"
Anum - "French!"
Duncan - "My mom says that when I'm out of school, room and board at my house will cost me $400 a month."
Mr. Shirran - "You're lucky! I pay $1000."
Lau - "You live with your mom, Mr. Shirran?"
Morris - "If I put this paralyzer on my tongue, will it fall asleep?"
Alex - "That was a death threat, right?"
Agnes - "I love Adidas perfume. I have all three sizes of bottles."
Scott - "He's sixteen?"
Mrs. Kung - "Have you ever heard of green cauliflower?"
Eric J - "General form is gay."
Eric J - "Since when is Bob Marley dead?"
Bricault - "Hey, I don't stick tubes up other guys'...you know."
Bricault - "Jason. Head."
Jason - "Why is your face wet?"
Lau - "Why is he saying "hp" and sticking his mouth out of his face like that?"
Jer - "So when you watch that part of Lord of the Rings in slow motion---"
Lau - "You're not normal, Kevin. Look at the size of your head! Your mother...I'll have to congratulate her one day."
Will - "You know who I haven't touched yet? Jeremy."
Lau - "What are you doing here?"
Eric J - "Math party at my place!"
JP - "We play all the folk songs in order: I'se the B'y, Bergere, Huron Carol. Any questions?"
Mrs. Carlson - "Okay, cast, crew, everybody go to your spots."
A. - "Yes, I do need glasses. I can't even read the writing on that sign."
Harmony - "You know: ass. Like a donkey's child."
Nik - "I wanna be a carny!"
Mrs. McKerlich - "Then we'll go to the IMAX, and see 'Bears.' Has anyone seen 'Bears' before?"
Mr. Bisig - "So, what's in the Catacombs?"
Danny - "So Andrew was at home, polishing his rifle---"
Avi - "Hey Bricault, flex your muscles."
Mr. Barham - "Most people abuse drugs because they want to cover up their problems."
Bricault - "Achoo!"
This one is about eight years old. Lau - "Why is it that some people don't put their lights up at Christmas?"
Furious D - "Why is there a checkmark next to that note? Is it the only one that's right?"
Randy - "But they didn't let Hitler into art school."
Two very confused and stupid people I know but won't name. "Fill me in. Give me the 604."
Lau, pouring shock (something that kills algae) into the pool and choking on the fumes - "I think I'm dying!"
Lau - "Okay, you know what that wasn't? Cool. And you know what that was? Not cool."
Laura - "There were these questions on the Northwest Rebellion, in socials. One was about General Middleton. Jimmy, Big Head Jimmy, asked me, 'Who's General Mills?' I told him that he made cereal."
Mom - "No, I refuse to buy potatoes grown in the U.S."
Colleen - "Have you seen 'A Hundred Girls?'"
"We don't have anything."
Akash - "Is there a washroom on this floor?"
Grayson - "So t=330 divided by 110 + s, - 3, but that's not accounting for traffic."
Andrew - "I'm assassinating Castro."
Rocco - "Mr. Vint's all nice and dressed up today."
Girl #1 - "Hi Dan!"
Lau - "Hey! Can I borrow a pen?"
Maley - "Hey Ralph! How's the puking going?"
Anum - "So, you have a special vending machine?"
Mr. Murray - "You were five! You didn't know what was cool!"
Mr. Vint - "You're supposed to say, 'Je suis desolee. Pardonnez-moi, M. Vint!"
Brittany - "That's not intimacy. That's porn. What do you think of the monologue, Carling?"
Mr. Vint - "It's either a TV with a sound system, or just a sound system."
(they're friends, so I guess it's okay)
Kevin - "I need to go change my shirt. My pop exploded. I have something to change into, but it's kind of stenchy..."
Mr. Vint - "Good luck, Jon! Usually, I'd tell you to break a leg, but I think that's just for theatre."
Anthony - (picking up a ball of paper)"What a waste of trees."
Mr. Vint - "GFAK: Go fly a kite. Or go fuck a kangaroo."
Mr. Kushnir - "So, if privateers were quasi-legal, private pirates, how do you think profiteers operated?"
Anum - "Why is that part closed at lunch?"
Mr. Vint - "Were you born here?"
Mom - "April showers bring May flowers. And what do Mayflowers bring?"
Chris - "Everyone got up in arms about that commercial being degrading to women. But has anyone complained about the firemen's calendar being degrading to men?"
Girl #1 - "What about you? Tampons or pads?"
James - "2x plus 1."
Saq-master - "Um Rocco? Do you think that Jesus's mom was a Christian?"
Maley - "Who can we get a ride with?"
Mr. Vint - "How many of you do your own dishes?"
Mr. Vint - "So I asked one of the Japanese students, 'How does one say six in German?' And the poor sap---"
(talking to a poodle on Stacy's skirt)
Jessica - "Guess what!"
Mr. Vint - "Brandolini, you look sicker than a dog!"
Mr. Vint - "Take a blunt knife, cut out your liver, put it back, and then tell me how it feels."
Emerson - "I can eat ten times as many Krispy Kreme donuts as whatever you say."
Jessica - "A circle is a set of points in the plane which is all at the same distance from the---"
Lau - "I haven't spoken to you in such a long time."
Paul - "There's a swear word on my desk. It's distracting me."
Alveena - "When are you going to update the marks?"
Mrs. Clarke - "That part was easy. You guys have been proving line theorems since...kindergarten, no?"
Liz - "Hey, I'm Britney Spears!"
Mrs. Clarke - "What makes this shape a circumcircle?"
Mr. Vint - "No matter what rank you are, there's always somebody above you."
Mr. Vint - "I was going to use multiple intelligences today, but I'm finding that single intelligence seems to be a problem for some of you."
Emerson - "Hey, Rocco, I've got to ask you something: Shut the hell up."
Mr. Vint - "Later, I will want you to do things to this paper."
Mr. Kushnir - "So how do we pay for all the baby boomers' pensions? Have eight or nine kids?"
Anum - "Kiss it! Wait, if a person was a Sunfire, where would his mouth be?"
Brandon - (discovers standing microphone) "Take another little piece of my heart now baby!"
Natalie - "Excuse me, Mr. Lord..."
Mr. Vint - "Give yourselves a hug."
Andrew - (onstage)"Shut your (hank)ing horse face."
(During a skit)Aaron - "Zis rose is impure!"
Eric - "Who's the Prime Minister?"
Colleen - "Why didn't you date him?"
Nikki - "I'm going to marry Jeremy. I don't believe in the one perfect match."
Furious D - "Does anyone have some whiteout that I can throw at Calder?"
Mrs. Clarke - "I cannae hear you. And I had a shower this morning."
Mike - "Steve wants to beat up Chuck Norris. And televise it. So the world can see."
Mr. Baerg - "Jimmy, what colour is the sky in your world?"
Lau - "It's not that the jokes are funny. It's the delivery."
Ms. Yee - "Bats can't jump, so they do a pushup---"
Mme. Third - "So what do they use to put across the satire?"
Mike - "Ever tried sneezing without opening your mouth? It all comes out your nose. So gross."
Ms. Yee - "The floor is what actually causes you to be able to walk."
Mme. Third - "Says one student about the Nushu language, 'every word is a flower.'"
(phone rings) Alex - "I'll get it! Hello, Mrs. Clarke's office...just a moment, let me check. Is Alex h---oh no he isn't. He's not here right now. I think he's skipping...Certainly. Goodbye."
Mike - "I don't need to study. It's all up here."
Colleen - "You suck eggs. You suck caviar!"
Lau - "I've decided that I'm not going to say yes or no for the rest of the evening."
Mom - "Even though it shouldn't have happened, it did. Since when is that not a miracle?"
Eric - "So you won a gold medal in welding. Did they weld the medal for you?" Ms. Panesar - "Now we're going to do instantaneous whatever."
Mike - "I'm so far left, there isn't even a word for it."
Akash - "So, what's your scene?"
Beatrice - "I forgot my glasses."
Eric - "Well if it isn't Mike St. Cool."
Mike - "One wave and another wave equals...SUPERWAVE OF DOOM!"
Ms. Yee - "Do you remember---"
Chetan - "Piggy is short...fat...Calder..."
Mme. Third - "When the officer says 'fun and games' this is irony because on the island, there has been nothing but chaos, death and destruction." PA - "There has been a gas leak, so we must ask everyone to---"
Kyle - "I have a question, Mme. Third. Does Piggy ever shut up?"
Mike - "I did a pregnancy wordsearch the other day and it had the word 'lightning' in it."
Eric - "Never give a police officer a reason to search you in places you don't want to be searched."
Ms. Yee - This is a virtual 3-D image. It looks like there's a couple of pins, while actually--"
Duncan - "It's raining men."
Tyler - "God gave us mouths so we could talk."
Lau - "What's this on the bathroom wall?" Mr. Fehr - "Russia lost horribly in their war with Japan. And who do you blame when the hockey team loses?"
Liz - "Mr. Fehr, can I go to the washroom?"
Chetan (in strong Indian accent) - "Yes, the baby will come out okay, okay. It's okay."
Prime Minister Kerensky - "Kornilov, you're fired."
Chetan (in strong Indian accent) - "Yes, hello, I would like a box of Chicken
McNuggets, and a piliopesh."
Liz - "I'd only go to war if I was guaranteed a win."
Mr. Fehr - "So the League tried to think of a substitute for war."
Mr. Fehr - "Do you go to see the accident or the race?"
Mr. Fehr - "Come on, Adolf. Cut that out."
Substitute - "What nationality is that name?"
Mr. Fehr - "He gave up the throne for the woman he loves. Now, is that love, or what?"
Announcements - "A group of students from the Black Forest region of Germany is visiting the school..."
Mr. Fehr - "Hitler was a Roman Catholic."
Mr. Vint - "Black Angus is a type of cow."
Mr Fehr - "Mussolini is taking all the power away from the people. So why are his crowds cheering?"
Andrew - "Sodomy is not an Olympic sport."
Thomas - "Did I miss anything?"
Mr. Fehr - "Hitler then broke the agreement and attacked Russia."
(someone opens and quickly closes classroom door)
Mr. Fehr - "Hitler was a studier of history."
Lau - "In History, our videos are narrated by people like Orson Wells and Sir Laurence Olivier."
Mrs. McQuade - "Then Churchill told her, 'I may be drunk, ma'am, but you are ugly, and I will be sober in the morning.'"
Lau - "It's Maple Syrup Day today!"
Andrew - "Trooper is a one-hit wonder."
Andrew - "You're dark. You'd better watch out in LA. They'll...you know...like Rodney King."
Mom - "What classes does he take?"
Mr. Vint - "'Homo' in Greek and Latin are totally different. The 'homo' in 'homosexual'---"
Tom (playing teacher and naming the countries on a map of the Middle East) - "Nobody likes these countries, so they didn't name them."
Mrs. McQuade - "The Palestinians and the Israelis have been fighting for decades. Who's right?" Colleen - "You look like Charlie."
Colleen - "What would you do if I suddenly fell down and cracked my head on this?"
Mr. Odin - "In Grade Four, we hated our teacher. He used to beat us with sticks and stop signs..."
Monesha - "Calvinism brought about Puritan and Presbyterian sects."
Mme. Fox - "And 'lots of love' is 'grosses bisses!'"
Policeman - "Why did this man attack you with a shovel?"
Mr. Odin - "He had to change his company logo or else he'd get in trouble when the Olympics came through."
Sessilee - "Okay you guys, we need to win!"
Lau - "A quote is better without all the crap around it. Context is for losers."
Mrs. Nielsen - "I want to see a record of conversations between Shakespeare, Donne, and Jonson!"
Matt - "He got shot, and was in a wheelchair, and his wife was pissed off because they couldn't have sex."
Chris K - "There's a snake in my boot!" Kevin - "My dad had a new goatee. Do you like it?" M. Ste-Croix - "Wes?"
Kevin - "Brian Wilson was awesome! He wrote songs about vegetables!"
Dr. Moody - "Can anyone name some characteristics of Canadians?" I lost a few sheets of quotes at this point, so many funny moments have disappeared into the ether. I'm really sorry. Jarmez - "They called the American bodyspray Axe, coz it's so goddamned manly and American and manly." Lau - "Imagine having to work here over the winter; it would be so c---" Lau - "All kids will break their parents' hearts eventually."
Dr. Richard - "Everyone with untreated respiratory problems died in the smog."
Dr. Pat - "Cyclohexane. C-Y-C-L-O...M-O-U-S-E."
Baerg - "We can only hope."
Hank - "No. We just like sausages."
Lau - "Just like my sister and Jack Daniels."
Agnes - "I like Jack Daniels."
Lau - "It's not perfume, you know."
Agnes - "I know that!"
Lau - "I can just imagine you sprinkling JD all over yourself. You'd smell wonderful, like that homeless guy outside Blockbuster."
Duncan - "He's been sixteen for like a year, man."
Scott - "Wouldn't that make him seventeen?"
Jesse - "Yeah. It's called 'BROCCOLI.'"
Nik - "It has sexual relations with other forms of the same gender."
Eric J - "What gender is general form? I'm going to say male."
Nik - "No, female!"
Natalie - "Androgynous."
Eric J - "Speaking of androgynous, did anyone catch Baywatch last night?"
Nik - "Carmen Electra is hot!"
Mr. Barham - "Talk about math, gentlemen!"
Eric J - "Okay. So if y=x+3, x must equal yeah she's really hot."
Mr. Barham - "He's not dead. I saw him with Jim Morrison just the other day."
Eric J - "Yeah, they were getting it on with---"
Nik - "Elvis!"
Jason - "Yeah. But you'd like to."
Avi - "Bricault wants head?"
Bricault - "Of course I do! But first, Jason, could you move your head so I can see the screen?"
Hitler - "It's water. From the water fountain."
Jason - "My face was wet. Last night. After I had sex. With your mom."
Bricault - "I had sex with your water fountain!"
Jason - "Oh, you know why. Heh heh heh."
Lau - "Why are you watching Elijah Wood in slow motion???"
Jer - "To get my penny's worth."
Lau - "To make your panties move? What?"
*laughter*
Hitler - "Where did that come out?"
Saqib - "Oh, I think we know where that came out."
Jer - "I think it should stay that way."
Mr. Malo - "I work here! What are you doing here? Oh right, talking to your 'friend.' Hi, Susie. How are you doing? That's good. (to Lau) I think she's coming on to me."
Lau - "You're a lucky man."
Mr. Malo - (to 'Susie')"Psst! Meet me after school!"
Lau - "Mr. Malo! She's fourteen!"
Mr. Malo - "Oops! After...university!"
Nik - "I'll bring the healthy snacks!"
Dave - "Yeah. What's a 'b'y?'"
Furious D - "MAN YOUR BATTLE STATIONS!!!"
Julie - "...there is no writing on that sign."
Nik - "A big Swedish sissy?"
Jessica - *whisper, whisper*
Harmony - "WHATEVER!"
Eric J - "Yeah, you don't need Math 10 to be a carny."
Nik - "Or teeth!"
Matt - "TWICE!"
Scott - "Dead people."
Mr. Bisig - "Oh. Good..."
Duncan - (makes obscene "rifle-polishing" motion) "Sure he was."
Bricault - "Okay...I'm going to need an air pump and some balloons."
Eric J - "Hey Nik, wanna cover up our problems after school?"
Lau - "Bless you. Are you serious? Was that a real sneeze? It was pathetic!"
Bricault - "I'll try harder next time."
Lau - "You had better."
Avi - "Leave him alone. He's just going through puberty."
Bricault - "So I sneeze?"
Avi - "Like a woman!"
Colleen - "So they can put them up at Easter!"
Mr. Shirran - "Well, I was going to star that one, but I couldn't find the star."
Liz - "It's the eight!"
Ken - "Ooh. That was a mistake."
"You mean the 401?"
"What the f*** would I do with the 401?"
Mom - "Very few people have died that way, I'm sure."
Lau - "Very few people have died of shock?"
Avi - "You know what that was? (Hank)ing stupid. And you know what that wasn't? Not (hank)ing stupid. So shut up."
Mom - "Big Head Jimmy?"
Lau - "Yeah. As opposed to Small Head Jimmy."
Colleen - "I think I know Jimmy."
Lau - "Which head Jimmy?"
Mom - "Witch Head Jimmy? There's another one?"
Lau - "Shrunken Head Jimmy."
Colleen - "No, we'd get him mixed up with Small Head Jimmy."
Lau - "Which Jimmy do you know?"
Colleen - "I don't. I got them confused with Bobby."
Mom - "Medium Head Bobby, hopefully."
Lau - "Why?"
Mom - "Politics."
Lau - "Oh, yeah right. Since when have potatoes ever destoyed a nation?"
Lau - "At once? Oh, okay. Is it a movie? If so, I haven't seen it."
Colleen - "Have you seen 'A Hundred Girls?'"
Lau - "No."
Colleen - "You're crazy! Have you seen 'A Hundred Girls?'"
Lau - "...yes."
Colleen - "Do you remember that scene where..."
"We have a ham!"
"What can we do with a ham?"
"What can't you do with a ham?"
"Uh, hold a Bar Mitzvah?"
GRADE 11 - SEMESTER I - 2003-2004
Mrs. Clarke - "Yes. Downstairs."
Mrs. Clarke - "No, no no no! We are on a highway with very nice people. They are very polite. They are acting like humans."
Natalie - "As opposed to...?"
James - "Do you like driving on this planet?"
Mrs. Clarke - "No. Only when I have to."
Lau - "Her flying saucer isn't street legal."
Mr. Vint - "Excuse me? You're castrating Sasastro?"
Emerson - "Nope. Just dressed up."
Girl #2 - "Hi Dan!"
Dan - "Hi Dan!"
Mr. Bisig - "C'est un examen. Ne parle pas."
Lau - "I just wanted to borrow a---"
Mr. Bisig - "Come to class prepared. C'est un examen."
Lau - "Fine. I'll write it in BLOOD!"
Melissa - "You know, I just can't get enough of your puking jokes."
Maley - "Whoa! Calm down! Don't puke on me!"
Nushabah - "Yes."
Lau - "Does it like you?"
Nushabah - "It has a crush on me."
Student - "We knew it wasn't mushroom cuts!"
Aaron - "Oh, of course! Je suis desolee! Pardon...de-ne-ne-ne-ne!"
Carling - "Porn."
Brittany - "It's like a how-to!"
Nik - "With a TV?"
Anthony - "Spick!"
Emerson - "Wop!"
Anthony - "Okay. In society, here's me, and here's you."
Emerson - "I'll kill all you people!"
Anthony - "Not legally."
Emerson - "Who kills legally?"
Anthony - "I do."
Emerson - "Do you really want to leave this classroom smelling like Vanilla Coke and coming back smelling like...whatever you'll be smelling like?"
Emerson - "Yeah, Jon. This is football. Break someone else's leg."
Emerson - "Well, uncrumple it and put it in your binder!"
Anthony - "...after you."
Hank - "SUBMARINES!"
Lau - "Maybe supervision. The librarian can't see that part."
Anum - "Come on! He can turn 90 degrees!"
Lau - "No he can't. He suffers from a medical condition that turns him into an acute angle. Severe acute angle syndrome. SAAS."
Emerson - "Yes. Montreal."
Lau - "Leprechauns!"
Mom - "Pilgrims."
Lau - "Oh..."
Mom - "You dolt."
Lau - "THEY WEAR THE SAME HAT!"
Jennifer - "They don't put the firemen's calendar on billboards."
Lau - "They should."
Girl #2 - "Umm...Depends."
Mrs. Clarke - "2x minus 1."
James - "Oh, right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm sooo sorry!"
Rocco - "Of course not! I'm not stupid. She was a Catholic."
Hank - "Some guy."
Maley - "Sun-Gy? Who's Sun-Gy?"
Rocco - "Does putting them in the dishwasher count?"
Brandon - "Too damned complicated! I use paper plates."
Saq-master General - "Japanese?"
Emerson - "Wrong Axis, Mr. Vint!"
Liz - "Sit. Stay flat."
Stacy - "Be a dog. Look fake."
James - "Your great cousin Henry...went on a...light journey...to the far---"
Jessica - "Okay, shut up."
Shannon - "He ate some bad sushi."
Mr. Vint - "No, I meant because he was with you."
Alex - "So he did eat some bad sushi!"
Britney - "That's your homework, kids!"
Anthony - "Infinity."
Emerson - "Infinity times ten! Ha!"
Anthony - "Negative five."
Emerson - "Shit."
James - "No! I'm not done writing! Don't give away the ending!"
The Jake - "And I haven't watched Petticoat Junction in a long time! Hi!"
Mr. McCormack - "Paul, the air distracts you."
Mrs. Clarke - "Yes."
Kelly - "Actually, when I was in my mother's womb..."
James - "When I was a sperm!"
Asha - (from the back of the auditorium)"Hey, Britney, are you and Justin still together?"
Liz - "Well, actually..."
Grayson - "Was part of it cut off?"
Emerson - "What if you're a general?"
Mr. Vint - "You could be a secretary of defense."
Emerson - "What if you're him?"
Mr. Vint - "Well, you could be George W."
Emerson - "What if you're him?"
Mr. Vint - "My point exactly."
Rocco - "FINDING NEMO!"
Anthony - "Who just said Finding Nemo?"
Emerson - "Rocco."
Anthony - "I'm Tony Danza!"
Emerson - "WHO'S THE BOSS?!"
Anthony - "I have to ask you something too. WHO'S THE BOSS?!"
Anthony - "...horrible things?"
Hank - "I wish."
Colin - "Oh yeah, a whole bunch of little Hanks running around."
Stuart - "We could have another war. Send in all the old people first!"
Lau - "The gastank?"
Anum - "Wow, you taste like you've been drinking a lot of oil. You must be brown!"
Kurt - "TAKE IT!"
Andrew - "What's the deal with microphones?"
Andrea - "Don't you mean 'Jesus?'"
Anthony - "I don't hug guys."
Brandon - (in audience)"Whoo-hoo! SWEARING!"
Andrew - "Destroy it!"
Aaron - "Zis rose is Russian!"
Andrew - "Oh no, zere is too many of zem!"
Aaron - "Ve vill have to gas zem."
Andrew - "I am sorry, fraulien, but ve have no roses. Take zis information pamphlet about our Flower Shoppe instead."
Sarah - "Hey, why isn't there anything in here about your shop between the years 1939 and 1945?"
Aaron - "Uh---ve vere on vacation! Give me zat back!"
(after the skit)Andrew - "Okay, here's the line of good taste. And here's us. Here's us marching across the line---Gestapo style---, and oh, we just passed The Buzz, and here's us doing our play."
GRADE ELEVEN - SEMESTER II - 2004
Mike - "PAUL MARTIN!"
Eric - "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, all right?"
Mom - "He was a priest!"
Colleen - "So what? That means he's single."
Lau - "So you'll just, uh, settle?"
Chetan - "Throw Danny's hat."
Furious D - "I'll throw Danny!"
(long pause)
Entire class - "What the---"
Eric - "So the world can see the toughest guy in the world beat up the guy who thinks he's the toughest guy in the world?...PAY PER VIEW!"
Small-Head Jimmy - "That's racist!"
Mr. Baerg - "No it isn't. What colour is the sky in your world?"
Small-Head Jimmy - "Brown..."
Mom - "No, it's not the delivery. It's Dijourno."
Mike - "What's a pushup? Could you demostrate?"
Eric - "DROP DOWN AND GIVE US TWENTY!"
Furious D - "Sex!"
Mme. Third - "I don't think that's---"
D - "I just want you to write it down."
Eric - "And that relates to physics in that the velocity..."
Ms. Yee - "It's 120 km/h."
Mike - "Whoa! That's faster than a...puma."
Mike - "WITCH!"
Furious D - "Hey Calder. Dandelion-rose."
Mrs. Clarke - "Who was that?"
Alex - "Dunno. She sounded hot though."
Mrs. Clarke - "It was the Vice-Principal."
Alex - "Oh..."
Eric - "Hidden in his hair!"
Lau - "Ooh, expensive!"
Colleen - "Fine, you suck regular fish eggs that you buy at the gas station."
Mom - "Is that right?"
Lau - "Yes. I mean no!"
Lau - "If you trip and fall, that shouldn't happen, and it's not a miracle."
Mom - "Tripping and falling doesn't result in pregnancy."
Lau - "Sometimes it does."
Nick - "No."
Eric - "That's right; they made you weld it, because you were the best welder there!"
Mike - "Instantaneous WHATEVER? That's the sort of attitude that will get you FIRED!"
Eric - "Well there's always...communist."
Mike - "Oh yeah."
Amanda - "Well, I'm a dog..."
Akash - "Okay, but seriously, what's your scene?"
Lau - "You've got lots of time to look for them. Ms. Yee is having one of those days where she doesn't show up until---oh, here she comes! Look at that, she's almost a blur!"
Beatrice - "So's everything past five feet."
Mike - "Where? Where?"
Eric - "It can destroy small Pacific islands!"
Several people - "No."
Calder - "Hey! Don't make me get into you! Oh shit. Just give me...just give me five minutes."
Tyler - "We're going to play a game?"
Entire school gasps.
PA - "Stay in school."
Entire school - "NOOOOO!"
Furious D - "He shuts up when a rock crushes his skull and throws him off a cliff!"
Other Mike - "Maybe you have a better chance of getting pregnant than being struck by lightning."
Ms. Yee - "I think you have a very small chance."
Mike - "MIKE HAS OVARIES!"
Other Mike - "Only small ones!"
Mike - "But that's like...everywhere!"
Other Mike - "---they're thumb tacks!"
Kyle, Jake, and Calder - "Hallelujah."
Duncan - "God gave us brains so you can fucking shut up and get to work!"
Colleen - "What?"
Lau - "This! Is it a larva or a noodle?"
Colleen - "Oh. Noodle."
Lau - "Why is there a noodle on the bathroom wall?"
Colleen - "..."
Lau - "Colleen? Why is there a noodle on the bathroom wall?"
Colleen - "..."
GRADE 12 - SEMESTER I - 2004/2005
The Class - "The Czar!"
Mr. Fehr - "...yes!!!"
Mr. Vint - "To which I say," (in same accent) "DON'T TALKING!"
General Kornilov - "No, you're fired."
Sara - "A what?"
Chetan - "A piliopesh."
Sara - "Could you say that more slowly?"
Chetan - "Pil-i-o-pesh."
Sara - "A Filet o' Fish?"
Chetan - "Yes. AMANJOT! Stop running around! Go sit with your mother."
Mr. Fehr - "You sound like Catherine the Great."
Jay - "You sound like a punk."
Liz - "You wanna go? I'm guaranteed a win against you!"
Long thoughtful silence in the class.
Thomas (firmly) - "Extreme ping pong."
Thomas - "They go around in a circle four hundred times."
Liz - "It's a very elaborate circle..."
Hari - "Big meanie!"
Cam - "You're a bully."
Chetan - "India."
Sub - "Okay."
Chetan - "EAST!"
Sub - "They still fighting over there? East and West?"
Chetan - "Yeah, they're still going at it."
Sub - (giggle)
Thomas (slowly) - "If I were king, I'd change the rules."
Mr. Fehr - "He wasn't a Czar. The Czar could have done that."
Paul - "And we all know what happened to him."
Thomas - "Hey! They owe us $27 billion in war reparations! Let's make them pay up!"
Paul - "Yet he killed people?"
Mr. Fehr - "Probably not a practicing Roman Catholic."
Melanie - "Oh, those brown ones?"
Thomas - "Because Mussolini is always right."
Vint - "Then what was the point of holding it in Athens?"
Lau - "Poland was invaded."
Thomas - "Holy shit!"
Jimmy - "What a great guy."
Mr. Fehr - "What was that?"
Jay - "Some stupid guy, Mr. Fehr. Go kick his ass."
Mr. Fehr - "I think I should! (starts towards door, then stops) Unless it's the principal."
Cam - "Just like me!"
Mom - "Well, it's good to know they're getting work."
Lau - "No he wouldn't."
Mom - "Then why are you pouring table syrup on your steak?"
Lau - "Because maple syrup sucks!"
Justin - "No way! They have a greatest hits!"
Andrew - "But it's all 'Raise a Little Hell' remixes."
Justin - "They have a hundred songs."
Micha - "Yeah, but they're all techno."
Mr. Vint - "I'm not black, though."
Andrew - "It's the LAPD. They don't discriminate."
Lau - "I'll ask... History. Funny thing is, I think I've asked that before."
Mom - "So those who don't remember history...are damned to repeat it?"
Andrew - "Oh, that's gotta be the Greek."
Nick - "That's Israel, man."
Tom - "And Tajikistan..."
Chris - "That'll be the small one. Oh crap."
Tom - "What the hell is this country? (China) Everybody's favourite... (Afghanistan) Chicken. (Turkey) Car. (Sudan) What is this? Throw a bunch of letters together, you get a country! (Kyjikzistan)
Tom - "Mussolini."
GRADE 12 - SEMESTER II - 2005
Lau - "Charlie who?"
Colleen - "I think his last name is... Andthechocolatefactory."
Lau - "I'd pick up the phone and call..."
Colleen - "...Livelinks?"
Frank - "Why didn't you jump him?"
Bricault - "Sex."
Sana - "Roast beef?!"
man - "I dunno, he's just frickin' rude."
Chris - "Man, that's one guy who voted 'no.'"
girl - "Shut up Sessilee, that was our plan!"
Ashley - "Well, Sessilee is crap, so..."
Zak - "Do you think Shakespeare said to himself, 'Well, I'm going to go talk to Donne now, better write down everything we say'?"
Akhtar - "You don't do that? I do it every time I talk to you. Like right now."
Chris - "Sure they could. She's just fuckin' lazy."
Matt - "Don't you fucking lie like that."
Kevin - "Yeah, don't say that unless you're ready to pull a fucking snake out of your boot."
Chris - "I'm ready to pull a snake out of my pants and slap you in the face with it."
Lau - "It tickles."
Wes - "Presente."
M. Ste-Croix - "No, you say 'present.'"
Wes - "Oh, I'm presente. Trust me."
Lau - "Like fruits and vegetables? Or..."
Kevin - "Yes, Laura, brain-dead people in hospitals."
Lau - "That is just like Brian Wilson! Fuck, man, lighten up for once!"
YEAR 1 - TERM I - 2005
"...........apathy."
Dr. Moody - "Well, okay, not everybody would agree with you on that."
Lau - "But we're not going to bother arguing."
2006
Lau - "And bearded."
Jarmez - "And American."
Megan - "Imagine having to work here for the rest of your life."
Lau - "...You win."
YEAR 1 - TERM I - 2007
Jarmez - "How do they do that? When they grow up to be a gay? Or decide to do media studies?"
Sarah - "So we could create a race of pollution-resistant superhumans?"
Dr. Richard - "Sure. If we stop curing people."
Lau - (sings)"Mickey Mouse!"
Dr. Pat - (sings)"Cyclohexane!"
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME, and QUOTES. Also, look at the baby: IMPERSONALS. Now, look at the limey: CHRIS.