6/14/2002  -- Friday
      This magic day finally comes and I thought I should be very excited...
      
      It hasn't been a good day for the past couple of days, and it's scary how things could change within the matter of seconds over one problem or two.  I am very upsad and I still don't understand what I did wrong.     

6/11/2002 -- Tuesday
      Graduation is coming up this Friday...I have been waiting for this moment my whole life.  I can't wait to get on the stage and be so proud of what I've accomplished...the moment I have been waiting for in the past 7 years.

      Besides that, things are going pretty ok in life.  At times, I worry.  Worry about my future, my current job, my relationship, and a friend of mine too....I haven't really been able to share those thoughts with anyone still...

      Periodically, I don't quite feel like I could truly be myself and open up to the person whom I should...Opening up my feeling to tell them how I truly feel about certain situations and circumstances.  I thought it is better off that way without dealing with what could have happened by sharing the true feeling.  

 

6/4/2002 -- Tuesday
      I believe most of you already received my invitation to my graduation.  Please try your very best to show up because it means alot to me if u do.  It's also the first time I gather all my friends that I've met in the United States all at once.  I can't wait until then.
 

5/22/2002 -- Wednesday
   Oh my God!  It's been almost a year since I updated this.  You guys don't even know what kinda hard time I have to update this site again ever since my hard drive crashed because of the viruses.  Anyways, now that I'm back on again, I will update it as often as I can.

      First, I want u guys to check out my new look.  Yes!  It's been 10 years since I've short hair and now I've decided to keep it short again.  It was very hard to get used to at the beginning and I don't really know how to stylist it.  But the highlights really makes my hair a whole lot better, and I was told that I look much younger with short hair too yeah!

    Secondly, GOOD NEWS!!! I AM FINALLY GRADUATING!!!  It is a very big accomplishment for me so PLZZZ...try to make it there on time.  The ceremony is going to be held on 6/14 at 5:30p.m.  Here is the direction to get there.  
http://www.csupomona.edu/~commencement/attending/

    Thirdly, I've finally found a church where I really like to go to.  They play awesome music there and the sermon really inspires me.  If any of you are interested in checking it out, leave a message and let me know.  You won't regret it.


    Best of luck to all of you, and thanks for coming to my site again.      

7/11/01 -- Thursday
It's hard to choose between what your heart wants and reality.
I was taught to be real, can't just simply dream all the time.  Guess I was taught to be a grown up since I was a little kid.
I was also being told that everyone can only reply on themselves and no one else; everyone looks out for their own interest at the very moment in life.  
It's hard to proof to myself that all these theories and thoughts are wrong sometimes; when I myself experience the same thing in life.  
Imperfection, something that I still cannot accept.  I try really hard to be perfect.  Often, expect other people to be the same.  Of course I am wrong, but that's just the way I am.
Passion goes away, what I have left is reality.  What I can actually see and touch is what I believe in.  People grow up losing faith...at least for me.
My birthday is two weeks away, it's time to plan on a good start ... a new beginning, and I hope God will provide me directions and ideas.  
God has been nice to me.  I remember those days when I used to live in a house by myself, I struggled to see that small portion of view in the backyard, constantly telling my friend how much I want to have a house in the future that allows me to see a better and bigger view.  Although I haven't had the ability to purchase my dream house yet, I have really good household, a very huge room with a much better view.  I don't need to stand on the table and look for one anymore.  Thank you Lord. 

7/10/01 -- Tuesday
It's very hard to make a heart broken decision.  But after being single for so long, I'm really starting to get used to it, and like it.
He's a nice guy, but this is really not the right time for me to have a relationship, even for him.  We're both not ready.
It hurts me to see him broken hearted, but I have to do what's right ... for now.
I need time and space to do what I have to do, and my promise to God that I will spend my summer with him, to serve him, and to learn more about his words with my spare time.  
I hope you can forgive me.

For some weird reason, I keep thinking about the time I had with this guy I'd had a long relationship with.  Is it really that hard for me to get over him?  I know it's been so long.  But I guess, these memories, will stay with me forever and ever.  

7/9/01 -- Sunday
A phone call to me again with disappointment.  She simply tried to avoid talking with me further about the problem and my situation.  How can I began to talk with her...how I really feel and what I'm really going thru all these years?  Sometimes, I really wonder what is going thru her head.  How could she possibly get by so many things in her life without serious dedication on anything in particular?  How can someone rely on someone else to get thru life?  I always have that doubt in my mind, but I can only guess.  I know I will never ask her how or why?  

During this most stressful moment, I know I cannot deal with anything more than what I can handle. 

7/2/01 -- Monday
It's hard to heal a broken heart.

He promised me that he would be there for me for the rest of my life; he promised that even thou no one else would be around he would still be there for me...now that he just simply disappears from my life ... I feel really sad ... I thought he was my friend ... 

As life goes on, I guess everyone just loses their friends along the way .... no matter how much you're unwilling to ...

Suddenly, all that childhood memories came back to me.  All those hurtful feeling; all of those pain.  I think I cannot handle it.

All of a sudden, when I have so much doubt about how much he truly cares for me, he talked to me to ease my pain, and he said that he will be there for me.  I'm lost, confused, and scared ... Yet, I'm glad that he's in my life from now on.  He said he is going to take a trip with me to San Diego.  I hope, this trip will help both of us to get to know each other better.  

Nite nite....  

6/30/01 -- Sunday
It's been a while since I update this site.  Geocities change their URL and I didn't know...since then I was having the hardest time to update the site...anyways...

Things haven't been easy for the past couple of months.  I was consistently looking for another job.  After looking at my schedule for Fall Quarter, I know I wouldn't be able to look for another one til the day I graduate from Cal Poly...Arghh...I don't like working there

Graduation is coming up, I'm anxious and scared.  Hoping this day is going to come ... and when it comes, I actually don't want to get out of school.  

Still have many laundry and things to do...I will update this in couple days...take care til then.

2/21/2001 -- Tuesday
He's online right now....after half a year... he's finally back online again.

I sent him messages, he didn't response to me.  I guess he decided to turn his back on me forever, never talk with me again.  My friend asked me if I still miss him...yeah...I guess I still do.  But like I say, he will never care.
In his eyes, I'm the worse human being he can ever think of.  Yet, he will never know how much I still miss him and think of him.  

I pray to God, be with him, from now until the end of time.  

2/4/2001 -- Sunday
God answered our prayers!  While I was looking for another place, a sister in Christ heard my prayer and opened up her home to me so that I have a better room and environment to live in.  It is a whole lot bigger than the one I used to live in, and I'm only 1 minute away from my God parents. I only spent 2 days to pack up and move everything and everyone from church was helping me to rent a truck, move boxes, and help me out in a lot of ways.  Also, many people from church are helping me to find a better job too.  I'm so happy.  

I still have to catch up at school so I will write til here.  I will let you guys know what else has been going on with me.  Take care and God bless. 

1/28/2001 -- Sunday
Bad news yesterday!  I have to move out by the end of February.  

It was a news that was expected but didn't know that it will come along so soon.  I was hoping that it will happen a little later.  I just barely find another job which I don't even like, trying hard to catch up at school and being in a really bad financial situation.  I couldn't deal...and finally yesterday, I broke down and cried...

I asked God, "Why? Why? Why?.....Why can't you give me a break? or at least show me why all these are happening to me.  I just don't get it!!!"  

John (my friend) was telling me...everything will be ok.  Have faith in what you to.  Does it really work out everything?  I don't know..

1/4/2001 -- Thursday
I think I will be going nuts this quarter.  This quarter I'm taking Corporate Finance, Investment, Business Forecasting & strategic Management.  Not only professors require us to have our own portfolio to do investment, we also need to learn how to forecast the market, projects, and all kinds of other things.  In addition to all these, I am the group leader instructs my group members to establish a company.  AHHH...!!!!  At the same time, I practice singing for the choir at church.  I'm seriously thinking about quitting it.  I can't handle so many things at the same time.  God please give me guidelines and let me know what to do.  I don't want to drop classes this quarter again.

Another thing that bothers me is my job hunting.  I already have 2 companies calling me for appointment.  One of them is at a bank, the other one is a website company.  Not sure how things are going to turn out but I will definitely give them a try.  I'll see what happen.

Suddenly, I realize that life being isn't all that bad.  At least I can arrange my own schedule and do my own thing. No one will bother me and I don't need to worry about reporting my schedule.  Of course, it would be nice if someone can call me once in a while and see if I'm ok.  Oh well, I will pray to God for that.  I want a right guy to come along you know.

Enough for today.  I hope you guys are all doing great.  

1/1/2001 -- Monday
I was having the best New Year Eve ever!  Me, Roger, Kevin, Pauline and everyone else in the youth group at church was having a countdown party at David's house last night.  Before the countdown, we played games, shared thoughts, and sang all together.  It was such a wonderful night and I could feel the spirit fill upon me when the clock hit 12:00a.m. last night.  

As you guys know, I decided to join the choir.  First time meeting lasted for 3-4 hours.  I almost lost my voice.  However, I know I need to do something for God in return of all the wonderful things he has given to me.  

Besides all these, sigh...school starts tomorrow.  It starts so soon... I wish it can last a bit longer.  Anyways, I truely hope that I can do better this year until my graduation.  Last quarter I only got a 2.67 GPA (lowest ever!).  Fortunately, my overall GPA is still above 3.0.  I'm sure I still can catch up with it.

Last night, I think of him.  Knowing that at that time he would be hanging out at Korean Town, got drunk, and having fun with lots of girls.  I miss him.  I picked up the phone, wanted to call him, I didn't.  I hope he can have a wonderful New Year too.  I will always care for him.

12/30/2000 -- Saturday
Gosh!  I got sick!  It's that stupid cold again.  I knew whenever I slept over at someone else house I would catch a cold the next day.  Still go ahead and do it anyways...you know me (stubborn).  I was going to clean my house and do laundry as usual, but I'm really tired right now. I think I have a bit of fever too.  I guess I will do it tomorrow since the play is over anyways.  No work or school on Monday neither.  =) YEAH!!!

Hmm...Year 2001 is about to coming in two days.  Of course, I have a great plan for myself.  Well, I need to concentrate on school and get a better GPA.  I checked my GPA for Fall Quarter 2000 and I got a 2.67.  Thank God my overall GPA is still above 3.0.  I still have a chance!  In the future, I still want to go to Graduate school.  A good GPA will help I presume.  On the other hand, I want to do a better job at work.  So that in the future when I work for another escrow officer, I can learn alot more.  NO BOYFRIEND!  Although I want to have one.  Yeah..I don't think I can afford to have any kind of distraction right now.  I want to spend more extra time at church and possibly going to join the choir next year.  Spend my weekend at church helping out here and there.  The rest of my time I want to read WSJ and hang at Roger's house.  We wont' spend as much time hanging out since the play is over, but sometimes we still would watch Chinese movies and have dinner together.    

Wondering if I should give John a call and tell him Happy New Year.  When I think about the consequences of talking with him again...I stop.  I'm sure he will have a great plan for his new year.  I miss him so much.

12/28/2000 -- Thursday
After having a horrible fight with the escrow officer, I almost lost my job.  My boss told me he really want to keep me , but I do need to work on my work attitude and my temper.  I  spent alot of time thinking about what I did wrong and what I should do from now on... he still want me to work in the escrow company, but probably doing other things like helping agents to do advertisement, creating and printing postcards, email things like that.  Not sure if it is a good start but surely is better than working for my escrow officer.  I guess sometimes I am too prideful and arrogant, don't know how to be humble when I should.  I hope God has mercy on me and change the way I am. 

I do feel really bad.  During these days when I'm feeling down, no one is really there for me.  I don't ask for much and I do know other people have a life too.  Surely, I still want someone to call me once in a while and ask if I'm doing ok.  It didn't happen.  Those people who I thought always care about me didn't even call me up at all.  I do have couple of friends giving me good suggestions thou...about how to change the way  I am and what I did wrong.  Well, I am very thankful for that.

So anyways, I drove out last night to think....and all of a sudden, I picked up the phone and called John...no one picked it up.  How much I want him to know I miss him, but I know...he will never talk to me again.

12/26/2000 -- Tuesday
Finally, I'm done with creating and posting this website. Wooo...I'm having such a headache! But I have lots of fun.  Anyways, I do hope that all of you like it thou.

Year 2001 is coming up.  I have lots of great plans for the next year.  Such as..arr...more committed into church, school, and work.  Spend more time with my friends and enlarge my social circle as much as possible.  The biggest problem that I'm facing right now is my financial situation isn't getting any better.  But I know, God in some way, will work that out for me.

Couple days ago I finished a performance at church.  All of us had been practicing for months, and we finally did it.  It was a success and I'm so glad that it is over.... yeah.. there's someone in the play I don't want to see.  Oh well... I have lots of fun meeting new people and get to hang out with them after the rehearsal too.  

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!  I received lots of gifts and those are things that I really need as this moment.  What about you guys? You guys still owe me a present you know (J/K)!!!

Enough for now...I'm really tired..need some rest.  Talk to you guys later.