LOVE ADVICE DRUGS
Welcome to "Freaky Tony's" Advice Column
You tired of listenin' to advice from dem ol' shriveled up bitches Ann & Abby? Well, you came to the right place.
I'll tell you what I think, and you gonna like it!
Featured Dilemma: Aug 15-21
You can't push a rope!
Pickin',
I know it's hard to look on the bright side, but thing could be worse. Thank God that you're not gettin' hard to the Hagger Twins. 'Cause if those motherfuckers heard about it, they'd hunt you down and make you the main feature of their 'Hagger Sandwich'.
Here's a couple of things you might try. See if you can find a Roy Clark poster at the mall, buy it, then hang it in your bedroom. That sensitive smile of his has been known to be an aphrodisiac in some cultures.
If that doesn't work, see if you can find a Roy Clark Halloween mask. Tell yer gal that you're feelin' a little kinky, then have her wear it when you're getting down to business!
The only other thing I can think of is for you to dump your girlfriend and start stalking Roy.
Good luck!
And don't let your meat loaf!
Freaky Tony
Hey Tony,
I'm a big fan and I hope you can help me. I was in a car accident about
a year ago and suffered mild brain damage. I'm okay now, except that I can't get an erection unless I'm watching Roy Clark on "Hee-Haw".
Where's the problem, right? Well,
I haven't told my girlfriend yet. I was
able to put off having sex with her for awhile, but lately she's been naggin' for a 'low, hard one' 24/7. What should I do. It kinda ruins the mood to try and do it while "Hee-Haw" is going on in the background. Any suggestions?
Pickin' and not Grinnin'!,
Richmond, VA
Past Advice:
Aug. 7: Impressing the Ladies
Disclaimer
Freaky Tony is not a licenced psychologist. The views expressed are those of Freaky Tony and do not represent the views of T-Dog or any of the Superfister 69 Fun Club members.
This web site is for external use only