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I stayed home from work sick today. Haven't been feeling very
well since Monday morning. I'm about 3 or 4 days ahead at work
so yesterday when I came home I decided I could afford to take
the day off and take care of myself. Was 60 degrees when I got
up this morning, now it is around 30 with freezing rain coming
in tonight. Yuck.
I've been taking decongestants but they haven't worked. My
nose still runs. Used up half a box of tissue this morning and
ran out to buy 2 more boxes and some juice and meds. Well, I've
already used up half a box of tissue since lunch. I move room
to room with water, tissue and a little trash can that is surprisingly
heavy with snot rags. Steamed up the bathroom this morning which
helped me breathe a bit better.
My right eyeball feels swollen like it is about to pop out
of the socket. It waters a lot too. Took a nap at 12.30, slept
for an hour, got up for an hour, slept for an hour, got up to
pee and slept for another hour.
It's 7p now.
Haven't seen or heard from Ray all day. I asked him last night
if he'd run out and get me something to eat. When he came over
he gave me a light hug and asked how I was. When he left he told
me to call him if I needed anything.
Dad called Monday when I wasn't feeling well, Mom called last
night and again tonight to check up on me.
R. also called me tonight too. Asked how things were between
me and Ray. It was odd and point blank the way he asked me. The
last time we talked he said his wife was undergoing tests to
see if her hormones were ok since she's never interested in sex.
I asked how that turned out. He said it turned out that she wasn't
happy, he wasn't happy and they decided to go their own ways
doing their own things. They are still living together but more
as roommates than a married couple.
We didn't talk long since he had class and had to leave.
I was thinking about R. a few days ago. Was thinking that
I wasn't as hung up on him as I used to be. When he came to visit
a few weeks before his wedding I was able to find closure in
the fact that we'd never have a relationship beyond friendship.
Two years ago if he told me that he was breaking up with her,
I'd have done whatever it took to get us together.
But when he told me they were separating I felt nothing. I
offered my condolences and let him know I was here if he needed
to talk. Maybe it was the meds but I didn't care and 'oh, I'm
sorry to hear that.' were empty words that came out of my mouth
more as a reflex than with genuine concern.
I've my own life, now. Not that I didn't before, but it is
a different life. One he'd probably never imagine me living.
I've grown in ways I never could have if I was still pining over
him. I think he's noticed that in our conversations over the
past year. I mean, hell, he called me the day after he got back
from his honeymoon.
I'll he here for him, just not in ways he's probably expecting.
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