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I'm starved for something, and I don't really know what it
is. Not physically, like hunger, but something different, deeper.
I don't have anyone to talk to. I mean I do, but not someone
I can talk to. I need someone to talk to me. Don't know
or care about what, just sit down and tell me what ever. Tell
me stories of your childhood, the time you tried to make alfredo
sauce and used it for wallpaper paste instead. Tell me about
your garden, the sunset, anything.
In my conversations lately, like the last 6 months, I've been
the one to keep it going. Talking about anything and everything.
I pause to let you talk, but you don't. It's up to me to keep
the conversation going. Well, I'm tired, your turn.
Ray doesn't talk to me and talking to him is like talking
to a rock except the rock shows more interest.
One of the women I eat lunch with talks nonstop. Half the
time I don't really listen to her, her voice becomes like background
noise as I pick though the salad and use my knife to stir pink
death into my tea.
It is that kind of connection I need with someone right now.
Since it's not there it is like I'm standing in the middle of
a Nothing a la The Neverending Story.
I don't like having to admit I need someone. I'm pretty much
a self-contained unit. I have casual friends but no close friends.
I do for myself and rely on no one since I'm very tired of them
letting me down
~*~
I don't think me and Ray will last much longer.
~*~
Finished Mary's quilt last night. She called me during a commerical
break of X-Files to tell me her mom is doing great and she'll
be back sometime Wednesday.
She overnighted a key to Fawad so he could check on her cat.
Why she sent it to him and not me I'm not sure since she said
she would send it to me along with her alarm code.
Called Fawad and he suggested we go get Mary Saturday night
and take her out to a movie or something.
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