I'm standing in the church
Witnessing my friend
Pretty as a princess
As they're exchanging vows
I feel sick in my stomach
My spirit churns
I sense a doom
But this is only the beginning
So quick to buy the dress
Book the church
Arrange the flowers
Organise the Reception
Peach is the colour
This is summer
But it all ends in winter
"Stop!" I say
"Take a break....
Get to know this husband of your's...."
But it's too late
You're all wrapped up
In the satin and lace
Never mind eternity
"Jealousy?" you state
"Cause I'm marrying first...."
It's not what I had in mind
There's trouble in paradise
The cracks are beginning to show
Yet your Bridal shower
Is still months away
Horrendous rows
Do you ever stop fighting
Complaining and bitching?
He isn't the perfect fiance
"Postpone it, " I advise
"No, our money is spent...."
A wedding ring ain't gonna change him
But you cling in hope
Even the wedding night
Is a no-show
How can you go on?
What do you build from this?
The foundation's not strong
What hope have you got?
In sickness and health
You walk out
I'm not there anymore
My own marriage I'm living for
Others advise
Give it another try?
As I silently watch
We talk on the phone, send letters....
It's me he blames
Cannot see, you were never meant to be
You move on
Build another life
He waits for your return
And threatens your life
If you try to divorce
It's not easy to walk out of a marriage
Where do we go from here ~
How did we arrive?

© Elizabeth
30th May, 1997

This poem was written about my former marriage by a friend, seen through her eyes, from before, during and after my marriage.   She expresses even her doubts, though it wasn't as black and white as she saw it, and how she saw my pain and the abuse.   But I was so wrapped up in the idea of getting married that I put the beginnings of abuse behind me.   She was there for me during this time, though it wasn't easy as she lived 1000km (600miles) away in another state, but she always knew.   The line "It's me he blames...." was my ex-husband's reasoning that it was her influence and also accused us of having a lesbian affair, for the break-up of our marriage ~ he couldn't see what he has done to destroy me....

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Eyes of my Soul ~ Poetry by Elizabeth