The darkened room lay silent
while ripples of moonlight
Caught the glistening tears
she was crying in the night ~
She didn't make a sound
as she lay there in their bed
While thoughts of all the heartbreak
were running through her head.
She waited in the silence
till she knew he was asleep
At the sound of his deep breathing
then quietly she'd creep
Tiptoeing to the bathroom
she then closed the door
And turning on the shower
she slipped crying to the floor.
Though trying to wash away the filth
and pain of his touch
The memory of his "making love"
haunted her too much ~
The bruises on her body
were inflicted by the hand
That used sex as a weapon
to "make her understand".
After she had scrubbed herself
until her skin was red
Too frightened by her memories
she could not return to bed ~
So escaping down the stairs
and into the moonlight
She sat in her own solitude
in the freedom of the night.
While listening to the sounds
she slowly closed her eyes
And imagined herself like a bird
with the wings to fly ~
Far away from the memories
and high above the pain
She would soar into freedom
and happiness again.
Feeling somewhat encouraged
by the thoughts of her mind
She sat smiling in the moonlight
and suspended in time ~
While escaping into a world
she could only dream of
Carrying wishes of a safe
and unconditional love.
She wondered what it felt like
to live in happiness
Embraced by the one you love
and his tenderness ~
Or how it felt to be safe
and not to live in fear
Of his anger and his temper
as the months rolled into years.
As much as she imagined
a secure happy life
It would only then remind her
that she was still "his" wife ~
Bound to him forever
till death do they part
This marriage of abuse and pain
only broke her heart.
Blinking back her silent tears
she tried to look beyond
The brokenness that filled her soul
to the wings she'll fly upon ~
To a life with no more abuse,
no anger and no fights
She'll no longer have the bruises
like those she bears tonight.
So as she dreams of freedom
while stepping back inside
She walks into the kitchen
where her many tears are cried ~
As she turns on the radio
she starts to clean away
The memories of his violence
inflicted on her today.
As the moonlight filtered through
the windows of the room
She listened to the music
and quietly hummed the tune ~
She washed and scrubbed the floors
of all her hurt and pain
And wished her midnight freedom
would somehow just remain.
But still the painful memory
of the spiteful things he said
His anger and abuse
when forcing her to bed ~
The scars so much deeper
than the bruises she how bears
And the pain so much greater
than when "falling" down the stairs.
Though no amount of cleaning
will ever set her free
As her midnight freedom
goes beyond her memories ~
She tries to figure out a way
to rise above the pain
While she hopes that he might change
as she goes back to bed again.
So as she lay there silently
unable to go to sleep
The emptiness of her life with him
only makes her weep ~
But till she spreads her wings to fly
above those memories
Her dreams will always be those nights
of longing to be free.
© Christina
17th May, 2001
"Like The Bruised Woman, this poem tells of one woman's freedom in the midnight hours ~ when she can be herself, doing what she wants without the fear of her husband. The time when she can dream of a better life, when she will overcome the abuse she now endures. She realises that her freedom will not come without a price.... She must spread her wings and fly to freedom ~ not just dream it. But anyone who has been abused knows that this is not as easy as it sounds.... You need courage, strength and wisdom ~ to know when the time is right."
This poem is dedicated to those victims of domestic abuse,
who not yet have the courage to leave their situation ~
may you spread your wings and fly....past your abuse,
your memories....and to freedom!
