Nightmares

It has been two weeks since I left
the torment of his hand
The abuse and accusations
I could no longer stand....
So I packed my things and left again
for the final time
Our married life has ended
I'm not coming back this time.

And then last week a tragedy
rocked Australia
When a gunman went on a rampage
in Tasmania....
Killing 35 innocent people
at the Historic site
Port Arthur will never be the same
the horror left behind.

I didn't even stop to think
of it's effect on me
The two things were not related
so what was there to see?
Only when the night came round
and I went to sleep it seems
The horror of those incidents
came to haunt me in my dreams.

My husband that I had left
had a rifle in his hands
Stalking me outside my house
like a possessed man....
Though sleeping I am soon awake
as the shots ring out
He is firing at my parents
and everywhere about.

Screaming I fell to the ground
and crawled along the floor
My parents were still in their bed
no life in them no more....
My heart is slowly breaking
as he had come to see
That my life was always with him
even if he killed me!

Stop it, I scream to him
there's no need to go on
There is no more life in here
my security is gone....
But he continued firing
I could no longer pretend
That he now means to kill me
my life is about to end!

Then as the bullet hits me
and I'm sprawled on the ground
I fall into a deep blackness
and emptiness I found....
Is this the end, am I dead?
as lonely tears I weep
I'm shaken to reality
I am woken from my sleep.

I tiptoe to my parent's room
and see them in their bed
Sleeping soundly in the hours
and I realise they're not dead....
The life he tried to take from me
I cannot understand
He professes his undying love
with his fisted hand.

A short-lived marriage that we had
we're no longer joined as one
There were too many violent incidents
and damage he has done....
The horror of my life with him
I cannot ever compare
Though I loved him he still hurt me
and now haunts me in nightmares.

© Christina
2nd May, 1996

"On 17th April 1996 I left my ex-husband after tormenting abuse and a short-lived marriage of volatile love. Eleven days later on 28th April 1996, Martin Bryant killed 35 people at the now infamous Port Arthur massacre. After many threats to kill me if I ever left him and this horrific incident, so close together, I had many nightmares where my ex-husband took the role of the gunman and stalked me outside my house....killing my family and myself. Over the top? Abuse survivors of this kind of torment will understand the nightmares endured....the power of the mind and control he has over you even after you have left. The abuse haunted me this way for some time. And told here is exactly how I saw it and felt it. Just reading it brings back those feelings and fears again....even though my nightmare has ended."
 
 

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