I hear the silence
I taste the tears
The echoes of guilt
will haunt my years ~
The empty nothing
I know the pain
As it fills my soul
I feel the shame.

I see my clothes
fall to the floor
His breath on my face
as he locks the door ~
I feel his touch
upon my naked skin
Trying to push him away
but he enters in.

I see the world
through different eyes
As he lays there
a part of me dies ~
And I feel his touch
upon me again
Though I ask him to stop
he takes me again.

I hear him shower
in the next room
Happily singing
his favourite tune ~
While I lay on my bed
in a tattered mess
My innocence lost
I feel the abyss.

I see him smile
and give me a kiss
As he says he remembers
it was as good as this ~
I see his clothes
with mine on the floor
As I feel his touch
on me once more.

I taste the tears
of my shattered pain
As he raped me over
and over again ~
I hear him profess
his love for me
As I cringe at the feel
of his touch on me.

I feel him lay there
by my side
His hands on me
and my pain inside ~
The tears I cry
reflect my shame
As I realise things
won't be the same.

I tell a friend
I see him stare
His disbelief
cannot compare
To the violation
of my trust
The night my ex
took me in lust.

I hear the truth
twisted into lies
My secret shame
before the eyes
Of all who were
my supposed friends
Their compassion was
only just pretend.

I will not ever
be the same
As I see him walk
beyond my pain ~
He was not punished
I let him go
The shame he gave me
he'll never know.

© Christina
6th April, 1992

"Rape is a horrible violation of one's body ~ rape by someone you know is even worse....it is all hopes and trust shattered. It is beyond words....
This poem is fractured moments of my experience, when my trust was violated by an ex-boyfriend, then again by those who I felt were "supposed" to be my friends.
Disbelief by your friends is like being raped again...."