Silent Running

See the raindrops on my window
Or are they tears, I wonder?
I cannot see, for darkness envelops
The thoughts on which I ponder.

Wiping away the tear-streaked mist
That seemed to cloud my path
Where is the happiness I once felt;
And why do I not laugh?

Peering into the stillness
The blackness of the night
I pause upon my wayward path
I cannot lose my sight.

Restlessness cascaded me
Questions filled my mind -
Who am I; where am I going;
And what am I going to find?

Reaching out into emptiness
Is there anybody there?
I want to feel happiness, to be free,
Oh, please, hear my prayer!

Silence has engulfed my heart
I know what I must do
I cannot keep running away
From what I know is true.

So much to learn in one short life
My wrongs transferred to right,
Forgiveness and grace envelop me,
Changing darkness into light.

Comforting peace overwhelms me
Cleansing through my soul,
Filling me with a placid calm
and a stillness that makes me whole.

Feel the love envelop me
and the warmth of the embrace
Oh I cannot begin to comprehend
The wonder of His grace.

Why did I stray that wayward path?
And why did I not see,
That His tears were in those raindrops?
He never stopped loving me.

The raindrops still fall on my window
The tears are now of peace
Happiness has vanquished all I feel
And my running now has ceased.

"Written about finding myself after leaving an abusive marriage. Once feeling lost and alone....the thought of never being happy again. The thought of never feeling happy again. The thought of never knowing completeness or love again. Nothing prepares you for something as horrific as domestic abuse, and only time and God's grace can help you rise above those feelings of hurt, pain, betrayal, loss, brokeness and incompleteness. The pain doesn't last forever, although at the time, it certainly feels like it. Although I made the decision to move on with my life after leaving, and although I wrote this poem in my journey towards healing....I never completely let go, and I never completely healed for another few years down the track. My creating this website was the therapy I needed in healing myself....in helping to help others in the same or similar predicaments. To let you know that you are not alone. We understand, and you WILL rise above it and move on. By God's grace you will. I did."