Someday I want to be someone I want to look beyond To feel the wind upon my face to hear the echo of a song ~ Someday I want to reach toward the clouds high in the sky I want them to envelop me when lonely tears I cry. Someday I want to feel the breeze and whisper of the wind I want to smell the perfumes of all life's simple things ~ Someday I want to hear the clock and not wish time away I want to know when tomorrow comes it will bring a brighter day. Someday I want to be a princess maybe a movie star Then I won't have to ever think about when I have come that far ~ Someday I want to know love that doesn't bring any pain I want to feel safe and secure and how to trust again. Someday I want to be pretty for someone else to love I don't want to have to do the things I never had dreamed of ~ Someday I want to be beautiful and as happy as can be I want a life that doesn't hurt and as far away from here. Someday I want touch the hand that carved this universe I want to know why am I nothing of any worth? Someday I want to ask Him why, doesn't He love me? I want to know if He was there why doesn't He rescue me? Someday I want to disappear and never have to feel I want to crawl inside myself where nothing else is real ~ Someday I want to never know what heartaches make me cry Though I want to kick and I want to scream, a part of me wants to die. Someday I want to grow up and leave this all behind I want to grasp what life is left while I can still call it mine ~ Someday I want look at myself and see beyond the pain I want to know that what I feel will never hurt me again. Someday I want to see the face and look into his eyes And let him know how much I hate the man that I despise ~ Someday I want to hear him say why he stole from me The childhood that I never had because he molested me. Someday I want to take the life that was taken from me I want him to know just what it's like just what he did to me ~ Someday I want to have the choice to know which path to take I want to be able to live my life without anger, fear or hate. Someday when I look into a mirror I do not want to see A little girl, frightened and lost who once used to be me ~ Someday I want to look back on life and never have to feel this way, I want to know can I trust and learn to love....someday. © Christina 31st July, 2003

"A sad tale written through the eyes of a young girl who has known the pain of child sexual abuse at the hands of someone she loved and trusted.   We see her confusion, her unspoken questions, her sadness, her pain, her torment....and her dreams of "someday".   As she yearns to know a better life, yet part of her wants to die.   Already he has taken her life, she feels, and she doesn't see how it could be any better than it already is.   This is someone she loved and trusted ~ someone who offered her security, who represented all these things to her....yet he chose to betray her with an unspeakable act.   We see her lose herself in her surrounds; the beauty of nature.   Simple things, like the clouds, the birds in the air, the wind on her face, the fragrance of life.   She wants to feel the touch of clouds as she cries her tears.   She hears the ticking of the clock ~ its significance.   Yet she wants to be able to hear it and not think about what it means; and what it means not to wish time away.  She wants to know if God exists, why does he let this happen to her?   Why doesn't He take the pain away?   She feels hurt, pain, anger and hate; she wants the man who did this to her to know the pain he inflicted on her, an innocent child.   She wants him to tell her why he did it.   She wants answers, an absolution.   This young girl, who sees herself as nothing, who feels nothing, dreams of a day when she will grow beyond this pain and see herself in a different light.   Still, she questions, will she be able to love and trust again....without fear, without hurt and without betrayal?   Will she....someday."