International Jokes

Sushmajee
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International Jokes-1

1. The Americans and The Japanese

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.

The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized.

The new structure was: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the poor rower for his poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.

2. Selection Criteria of Indian Cabinet Members

Musharraf once came to Delhi for a meeting with Vajpayee. After dinner, Vajpayee said to Musharraf: "Well Parvez, I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant." "How do you know?" asked Musharraf "Oh well, it's simple", said Atal Bihari Vajpayee. " They all have to take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second".

He called immediately Advani over and asked him "Tell me Advani Ji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother or your sister?" "Ah, that's simple", said Advani, "it is me." "Well done Advani", said Vajpayee and Musharraf was very impressed. He returned to Islamabad (the capital of Pakistan) and wondered about the intelligence of the members of his own Cabinet. He called in his favorite member of cabinet and asked: "Tell me, who is the child of your father and mother who is not your brother or sister? " He thought and thought and couldn't guess the answer. "Can I think about it a bit further Sir? May I let you know tomorrow? ". "Of course", said Musharraf, "You've got 24 hours."

He went away, thinking as hard as he could, called in his Cabinet Secretary, Chief Secretaries and Joint Secretaries, but no-one knew the answer. Twenty hours passed still there was no answer. The member of Musharraf's cabinet was very worried. Only 4 hours to go. Eventually he said to himself: "I'll ask Bill Clinton, he's clever, he'll know the answer." He called Clinton. "Mr. President", he said, "Tell me who is the child of your father and mother who is not your brother or your sister?" Clinton laughed and laughed and said: "Very simple, "It's me!" "Thanks a lot."

"Wonderful" said the Cabinet member to himself and hung up. Jumping with joy realizing that he knew the answer, he rang Musharraf. "Sir, I've got the answer!".

"What is it?"
"It's Bill Clinton".
"No, you idiot", says Musharraf, "It's Advani, not Bill Clinton".

3. British Hospitality...

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.

He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."

"Ah, yes," said the policeman..."Just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.

"In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir, anywhere you like."

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the police officer, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call English hospitality?"

"No sir...", replied the police officer, "...that is what we call the French Embassy."

4. Offence Meant to Anybun and Ebrybun: Naming a Boy - Bihaaree Way

A Bihaaree (resident of Bihaar State of India) was working in Mumbai (another state of India) and did not meet his wife for four years while his wife was in Patna (a city of Bihaar).

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son. His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this 'Happy event' happened when he had not seen his wife for four years...

The man said it is common in Bihaar that neighbors take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when their men are away. The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son then?" The man explained, 'If its the second neighbor who has taken
care, then the name would be 'DWIVEDEE'; If it is the third neighbor then it would
be 'TRIVEDEE', If it is the fourth neighbor then his name would be 'CHATURVEDEE'; and if its the fifth neighbor then his name would be 'PAANDEY'...

After listening to this, questions followed... "What if it is a mixture of neighbors? "Then the boy would be named MISHRA'..." And what if the wife is too shy to tell
the name of the neighbor?" "Then it would be 'SHARMAA'..." But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbor? Then the name of the child would be 'GUPTA'..." If she does not remember the name then?" "Then it is 'YAAD-AV'". "But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?" "Then it will be named 'DOSHEE'..." The final question was, "If the child happened because of wife's burning desire?..." "Then he will be named 'JOSHEE'..."

Still the last question - and if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?.... "Then his name should be 'DESHPAANDEY'."

So when situation is local but unclear, it will obbiously be 'BIHAAREE'.

Created by Sushma Gupta on May 27, 2001
sushmajee@yahoo.com
Modified on 03/18/09