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After being introduced to the internet while going to school during 1996, I decided to buy a computer. One Saturday afternoon my usual provider was down (nothing new, trust me), so I was forced to use my backup account, which was a dial up to the college. I didn't like this account because it was a UNIX shell account (I was Windows-spoiled by this point), but it turned into very good fortune for me that day.
I always claim that Roger messaged me first, but he insists it was I who initiated the messaging! Technically he is right, but he did "track me down" first! You see, he had been doing a search for a local friend of his.. he typed "who *nord*" and it just so happens that my last name began with those four letters. (I should thank my provider for being "down" that afternoon, because my school account listed my full name, whereas my usual account did not.) Anyway, I guess Roger liked my nick (lise), because he came to the channel where I was in order to talk to me a bit.
The day was April 20, 1996. For some reason I was talking to a
rather odd guy who claimed to be a famous Italian soccer star
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(typical irc!). Roger, who used the nick TcM, came to the channel where I was, whereuponMr. Italy immediately kicked him out. Of course TcM came right back, and our private messaging went as follows:
*lise* don't even bother trying with this guy...he's a hot head...
*TcM* do you know him?
*lise* no i don't. have never met before...what attracted you to this channel?
*TcM* i saw u were in it :)
Awwww! Okay, so that was an easy one, but he was sweet and I liked his personality right from the start. He is from Sweden, which intrigued me, since I have a strong Swedish background (although I'm American). We talked a bit and then one of us had to leave; the next day I was at my usual post--#madonna--and he came to the channel and we talked a bit more. This went on for a couple of weeks and then one day he said something that really caught my eye! Feels a little weird talking about this, but it's also kind of cool, because it brings back some great memories of how our attraction to one another was growing.
Personally, I had thought of him just as an irc friend, although he was certainly interesting to talk to and made me laugh. But he really perked my interest one day while I was talking to a female friend on the channel, joking about how much trouble we women have to go through to look nice--painting toenails, shaving legs, etc.--and he said "lise, why don't you ask your boyfriend to do that for you. I'd bet he'd love to." WOW! What a cutie! I thought that was very sexy and sweet, and it kind of made me take notice. I didn't realize he already had a little crush on me, but I sure liked his way of expressing himself, and it wasn't long before I was feeling an attraction to him.
We talked every day, sometimes for amazingly long periods of time (read: 12 hours). It got to the point where we both were missing sleep and struggling to stay awake during work and school. I hear about this happening with so many couples on irc, but I still don't know how we withstood it for so long. The next move was to phonecalls and sending each other things through snailmail (packages, tapes, cards, letters). After a while, talking via the computer just did not cut it--it was so much more wonderful hearing the other's voice. Remember, he was in Sweden, I was in the USA, so it got unbelievably expensive. Both of us racked up monstrous bills, but we could not seem to control ourselves for long. I don't know how the telephone company let us slide for so long! I won't disclose the amount, for fear of humuliation hehe, but it will be with us for awhile.
Oddly enough, we never exchanged photos during the first 8 or 9 months. Have you ever thought you could fall in love with someone's heart and mind, where their appearance was secondary? Well, that's how it began for us. But it finally became time for us to meet! We chose the date March 1, 1997, which was about 10 months after we had first met on irc. He was to fly from Sweden to Utah and stay for one month. We had already been talking about him moving here (or my son and I moving there, which didn't seem too clever, since my son is in school and doesn't speak Swedish). It was clear that we cared for each other a lot by this point, but we were haunted by the reality that a face-to-face meeting might bring. So it was settled: We would meet, see how things went, and take it from there.
This part brings back some painful memories, but here goes: As I said, Roger and I had not exchanged photos until about one month before we met, although we had pretty much described ourselves now and then. In other words, we had a general idea what the other one looked like, although we didn't really dwell on this much. It got closer to his visit and I was suffering a lot of anxiety about his reaction to my appearance, so I had a photo of myself scanned and sent it to him via irc. (He had sent me a copy of his driver's license photo--cute as heck--around this same time.) Anyway, I was terrified that he would cancel his visit after seeing my photo. Although I'd told him I was very overweight, I was still prepared for rejection. I felt so afraid of this, and so ashamed of myself; I'd started several harsh diets during the ten months we'd known each other before meeting, but all I had managed to take off was about 30 lbs. I felt sick about the idea of him being disappointed in my appearance, yet feeling obligated to "be nice" to me, not wanting to let me down and cause me pain. Although I don't know why, he also was worried that I might not be attracted to him in person, either. We sure spent a lot of anxiety-filled moments over this subject during the final month or two before our actual meeting. It's almost humorous when I think of little deals we made about how we would let the other down, if things didn't work out. Gosh, I think he was more confident about things working out than I was, because believe me, I felt 95% certain that he would not like me in person. I was so damned scared :(
I might mention here that another difficult part of having a long distance relationship with someone you've never met in person is that relatives and friends are very suspicious; naturally, they are concerned about us getting hurt or duped, and I understand that. Hey, I've heard of some of the horror stories that take place sometimes--people "in love" meeting face to face and nothing goes as expected or hoped for. Sometimes it's just disappointment, other times it's deep pain and feelings of rejection. Hard to believe that some people even leave their spouse, for a complete stranger, so to speak! Fortunately, Roger and I were at good times--we were both alone, not unhappily, but we did like the idea of being close to somebody and enhancing our own and each other's life that way. Okay, on to the initial meeting!
March 1st arrived.. I knew that I would not be able to drive, due to nervousness, so I'd asked a friend of mine, Tana, if she could drive me to Las Vegas to pick up Roger at the airport. She'd been hearing about "Roger Roger Roger" for many months, so she was a little bit curious :) and agreed to take me. His plane was to arrive at a bit after 11 p.m. As I was getting ready, I felt a strange calm; there was no turning back now, he was nearly here! We got to the airport early and waited; his plane was about 30 minutes late. Passengers streamed from the doorway, but no sign of Roger. Seriously, even the captain and crew were off, but no Roger! Then I saw a very European fellow with a backpack on, wearing the green sweatshirt and brown jeans he'd said he'd be wearing. I was kind of in shock, but I do remember that we hugged very closely--no kissing haha. After getting his baggage, we went back to Tana's car, where he and I sat in the back seat (Tana had her boyfriend with her).
During the 2 hour drive home, it felt so awkward. I wish I could say we were chatting easily, but he is shy and I felt that way, also! Tana did all the talking for quite awhile heh (Thanks, Tana). When we were about 3/4 of the way to St. George, I somehow got my courage up and whispered in his ear, "Are you disappointed?" and he answered, "No, I'm not. Are you?" And I said, "Nope," with a big smile. Then I put my hand out, hoping he'd take it, and he did. It felt so nice. I think we leaned a little bit toward each other, enjoying those feelings of closeness, not wanting to rush anything, both feeling a little scared of being rejected. I was really worried about how I was going to become comfortable enough to spend an entire month together, and part of me worried that he'd end up leaving after a few days, if we wouldn't get past our shyness. Tana dropped us off at my car and from there we went to my house.
At this point, I really didn't know what to expect for us; he seemed friendly and all, but was he let down? Was the reality of me disappointing? I knew I found him attractive, gah, he was adorable, but was the feeling mutual? It seemed like it was gonna be a l-o-n-g month haha! But when we got to the house, went upstairs to unpack some of his stuff, things felt a little easier. He had brought me a couple of little gifts, which was very sweet. I was sitting on my bed and he brought out his camera and took a photo of me, one which I treasure to this day, as it shows my excitement at meeting this wonderful guy clear as daylight. Then I took a photo of him standing there. After this, he decided to put the camera on auto timer so we could have a photo of us together. I was kind of laying propped on one elbow on the bed, and he got behind me for the picture. I was surprised that he was so close to me, putting his hands around my shoulders--a definite embrace ;) After the camera flashed, he kept his hands there and held me even closer. It felt very good and natural to be close like that. It was a pretty long time before we moved apart. I think then we ate something that I'd cooked, he showered, and the rest is very private hehehe.
He'd only been there like 2 days when we had a crisis. My son, Dana, has something called an overactive vagal nerve, which causes him to faint when his temperature gets too high. He woke up feeling bad, had a fever, and I told him he could stay home from school that day. He still wanted to eat some breakfast, so he went to have some cereal. We heard a crash and ran to the balcony, which overlooks the kitchen, and there was Dana on the floor, with blood on his face! We raced to him and Roger tended to him while I called 911. Roger was really helpful, helping to cool Dana off with wet rags and to try to give him some water. I was shaking so much, thank God Roger was there. It showed his maturity that he didn't panic. Roger is younger than I, but where it counts, his age is equal to my own.
Thankfully, Dana was fine, other than a bump on his forehead and some weakness for a couple of days. I should mention here that Dana, who had been raised by me alone and was used to having my full attention, was experiencing some pretty strong feelings of jealousy over Roger's presence. I know he liked him, but he was miffed over some changes that were happening in our lives. Poor guy, he really had some tough times, but I'm happy to say that the two guys get along very well now and even share some common interests.
During that lovely month of March, Roger and I spent a lot of time getting to know each other in new ways--ways that would make his return to Sweden and our return to irc/phone very difficult. He fit into my life so well; we made each other happy, and we wanted to be together. In order for him to come here, he had to enter the country as a student, so we decided that he should attend St. George's Dixie College. That entailed a ton of paperwork and planning, but we worked toward it each day until we could see that it was really going to happen: he was moving here to be with me, and I was the happiest gal you ever saw!
He moved here July 6th, 1997, and we had lived together for about 14 months when Roger proposed to me. He was very romantic, going to one knee and asking me if I'd marry him, and it was the most wonderful moment. I was so very happy, and I told him that I certainly would be his wife! I've always felt that Vegas weddings were a little on the tacky side (although I'd been to one that was really quite nice), but we decided to wed there, since family lived there and it was a pretty central location. Roger's parents--Kenneth and Berit--flew all the way from Sweden for it, which made us all very happy! Everyone loved them, I might add.. they are truly delightful people. I would love to live in Sweden someday so that I may get to know them better.
So we married at the Las Vegas Wedding Gardens in Las Vegas, Nevada, on November 21, 1998. Hard to believe that we're coming up on our first anniversary in a couple of months! It's been such a great time, such a worthwhile effort, being married to this most terrific person. I love him dearly, and marriage is better than I even expected it to be. The committment and devotion we feel towards each another is touching, and I can truly say that I've never been happier.
It's been fun writing about our meeting and what has evolved; it's nice to relive some of the emotions and experiences. I actually said a lot more (both in quality and quantity) than I planned on, but somehow the words just flowed once I began typing. If you have a beautiful relationship you'd like to share, please email me and tell me your homepage; if you don't have a homepage, just drop a few lines about how you met your loved one and how it has progressed. In the meantime, thanks for listening to details about Roger and I.. hope you enjoyed it :)
