| Chapter 1- I Love You |
| "Time for the best man to make a toast!" Kevin yelled at Nick. Everyone at the rehearsal dinner started tapping their glasses with spoons as Nick swallowed hard; trying to find a way to force himself to give a speech he was in more than one way not prepared for. Nick glared over at Kevin, wishing he would shut his big mouth for once. It was hard enough for Nick to accept Brian's request to be his best man. It was a request that Nick would of course never turn down, but nonetheless was the hardest thing he has ever had to do in his life. He flashed back to the day that Brian asked him to visit him at his parent's house in Lexington...he had something important to tell him. It was just after Christmas and Nick wanted to exchange presents like they had done every year. Brian said that Leighanne was at her parent's, visiting them for the holidays. It was a slight relief knowing that they could have their time together. Nick knew that Brian and Leighanne had been getting very close, but he was in no way prepared for what was to come. He had still spoken to Brian, a couple times a week, but Nick couldn't handle much more, afraid that he would let his feelings get in the way once again... **Flashback** Nick knocked on the door, his hands full of presents for Brian and his parents, especially Jackie. She had been like a second mother to him. Sometimes when he was younger, he even pretended that she was his mother, feeling ignored and used by his own mother who promoted herself through his celebrity. He had bought Jackie a small heart-shaped jewelry box that he had made especially for her. The door flung open and there she was her comforting smile and opened arms welcoming him into their home. "Nickolas! You're finally here! I was getting worried about you sweety!" Nick stepped through the door, shutting it behind him before dropping his bags in the doorway. He immediately reached down and wrapped Brian's mother in his arms. He held onto her tightly, loving how incredibly loved he felt as he held her. She kissed him on the cheek before pulling away, grabbing his hand and leading him into the kitchen. " I baked you your favorite dessert Nicky, warm Dutch apple pie, just came out of the oven actually... Hey! I said it just came out of the oven! Give it time too cool!" she said, smacking away his hand that had reached to take a sample of the pie whose fragrance filled the house. " So how are your mom and dad doing? And your brother and sisters?" Nick looked at Jackie's eyes, and saw incredible warmth that contrasted the coldness that he was used to seeing in his own mother's eyes. He remembered leaving his family's house the day before, leaving early in the morning before anyone awoke to avoid another confrontation. Even though Christmas morning had been pleasant, the criticism soon started after dinner...Jane telling Nick how he should live his life and spend his money, while Bob sat silent afraid to say anything. Aaron came to see him in his bed that night, telling Nick how much he wanted to leave like Nick did, leave all the hate and misunderstanding and go live with Nick. Nick tried to comfort Aaron, but he didn't have an answer for him. Jane would never let Aaron leave, and even if she did, Aaron could never get to his money, Jane had made sure of that. Nick remembered how bitter she was when he had left, hell she even went to the tabloids. He didn't want that for Aaron, to be humiliated by his own mother in public. Nick held Aaron that night and promised his brother and tried to convince himself that their family would be okay. "We spent Christmas together, Jane tried to make dinner and we all pretended to love it." Nick said with a small smile, trying to hide the unbearable pain he felt that he didn't have the love the Brian had with his family. Jackie reached over and held both of Nick's hands in her own. "Sweety, you know you will always be welcome here, no matter what. I've always considered you as part of our family." "Thank you Jackie, it really means a lot to me." Nick said before wrapping her once again in his arms. Neither of them noticed Brian enter the room. "Hey! I want a hug too mommy" Brian said, sounding like a five year old child as he entered the embrace. "Always wanting attention," Jackie said, smiling at her son as she muffled his hair. " Hey bro, Merry Christmas" Brian said, his southern accent sounding like music to Nick’s ears as he leaned in for an embrace. Jackie stood back and admired the love that they had always had for each other. Nick held onto him tightly, taking in his scent as his arms wrapped around his shoulders. It has always been the one place that Nick had felt completely safe in. It was those cold, lonely nights on the buses in Europe when he wished that he had had a true mother who loved him and would hold him and let him know everything was going to be okay. Brian would hear him softly weeping in the bunk below him and would climb in to hold him and slowly rock him to sleep, singing a comforting lullaby that his mother used to sing to him when he was in the hospital as a child. "Goodnight, goodnight sweet baby…the world has more for you…than it seems goodnight, goodnight…let the moonlight take the lid off your dreams…" Nick squeezed onto Brian tightly as he unconsciously started humming the familiar tune. "Hey buddy, is everything okay?" Brian asked, recognizing the tune that he had always known Nick to revert back to when he was upset about something. Nick pulled away slowly from the embrace, not wanting to let go. "Oh…just the family I suppose…the usual." Brian had always hated the fact that Nick hadn’t been brought up in a loving family like his. He knew that it was the cause of many of Nick’s current insecurities and problems and he thought that Nick deserved so much better. But something else seemed to be bothering Nick. Something he didn’t seem too excited about volunteering to him or his mom. "Well, we can talk about it later, k? Now it’s time for dinner. I saw you eyeing that pie over there…" Brian said with a smile, placing a small comforting hand on Nick’s shoulder. Nick calmed at his touch, but the worries that constantly ran through his head still plagued him. Nick was becoming more and more lonely everyday. |