| Goodbye-Chapter 7 (continued) |
| Howie woke to a loud knock at the door, recognizing that he was naked and a little cold, he slid further under the thin sheet that was spread across his hip. He moved over, placing his hand on the bed next to him where he remembered Nick being the night before, holding him tightly in his arms as he eventually rocked Howie’s sobs to sleep. The pounding at the door proceeded to get louder and louder and eventually woke Howie from his slumber. He could barely see the time on the alarm clock, telling him that it was only 5:00 in the morning. ‘Nick probably went for a walk and forgot his key.’ Howie thought as he rolled out of bed and dressed in the boxers that he had discarded on the floor the night before. Whoever was pounding on his door was persistent. “Who is it?” Howie yelled, his voice still groggy from waking up so quickly. “It’s me Howie…” “Brian?” Howie asked shocked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and opened the door. Brian noticed that Howie still had bags beneath his eyes and had looked like he was crying. His hair was a mess and he didn’t look the same…something was different. “What the hell are you doing here?” Howie asked, sounding somewhat annoyed from being startled out of bed. “Aren’t you supposed to be getting married in like 7 hours?” Brian blankly stared at Howie. “I came by to see Nick. Is he here?” Howie finally woke up as he saw the look on Brian’s face. He stood in the doorway fiddling with his clothes, shifting his weight from side to side like a nervous little boy. Howie knew that it had to be something truly important for Brian to be there at that hour looking for his best friend. Thoughts of what happened the night before came flooding back and Howie remembered why the sight of Brian had bothered him, he had Nick’s heart. Howie turned around and headed back into the room, Brian following close behind. “He’s not here Bri…he was…but not …” Howie paused as he saw the small note placed on the nightstand next to the bed. “What is it?” Brian asked as he saw Howie reach for the note. Howie took a deep breath as he opened the note and read : Howie, Please don’t think that I am running away from you or our friendship. Last night made me realize that I need sometime to figure out what I really want before I can truly love someone again. You have been there for me when I needed you the most, and I love you dearly for that. You are so caring, loving, sexy, and sweet, I just hope that you understand why I had to leave. I can’t live my life like this anymore, fooling myself that he’s still mine. I’m going to the place that reminds me the most of Brian to say goodbye. I have to let go Howie I have to say goodbye, and on the peaceful ocean of where we fell in love is the only place I can truly let my angel go. I love and care for you Howie, I’ll keep in touch, Love Nick. Tears fell down Howie’s cheeks and splattered onto the small note in his now shaking hands. He realized how much pain Nick had been through, and was almost glad that he finally came to realize that he had to let go. It saddened him though to think of how much strength it will take for Nick to finally release his true love. “What’s wrong? What does the note say?” Brian interrupted Howie’s thoughts and attempted to reach for the note when his hand was swatted away. “What the fuck do you care?” Howie said forcefully to Brian. Brian backed away quickly, not understanding where Howie’s frustration was coming from. “What does the note say Howie…is something wrong with Nick?” Brian said in a slow and calming voice trying not to provoke Howie further. Tears continued to stream down Howie’s face as the thoughts of Nick alone on his boat in the middle of the ocean tugged at his heart. “ It has nothing to do with you anymore…You moved on…remember? I don’t know how you could fucking forget, it’s not like you’re not getting married in a few hours.” Howie turned to face the nearby window, unable to look at Brian’s face any longer. He was Brian’s friend, but months of listening to Nick’s heartbreak and finally come to a peak. “But…Howie…I” “ Listen Brian, you know I’m your friend, don’t you see what you did to him?!” Howie’s voice was getting louder as he turned to face Brian once again. “You promised him the world and then ripped it right out of his hands! We all watched a young boy turn into a beautiful, talented man as he fell in love with you and then you basically told him it was all a lie. You’re so weak Brian…you didn’t even have enough courage to believe in your love. You ran away when it got too serious, too serious for you, for the media and for what you thought was “right” in your life. Why couldn’t you see that what was “right” was right in front of you? He loves you Brian!!! He loves YOU!” Howie screamed right into Brian’s face as he had moved across the room to meet him with every word. Brian was now crying too, seeing the tears of anger, hate, and sadness in Howie’s eyes. Brian collapsed into Howie’s arms as sobs wracked his body. Howie was shocked that his words had such an impact on Brian. “I’m so …sorry…” Brian said between cries. He was not only apologizing to Nick, but also to Howie. He could see clearly now how much Howie cared for Nick and took care of him. “I couldn’t do it Howie…I’m not marrying her…I…love…him.” Brian said as tears flowed from his eyes, his emotions overflowing as Howie held him tightly. “You did what? But the wedding is today, how..what…” “ I just told her the truth Howie.” Brian said as he slowly regained his balance and moved away from Howie. “I realized that neither of us could be happy in that marriage…and at the dinner when Nick said that I made him happy…I just knew…” Brian said, wiping his eyes. They both sat down on the nearby bed as Howie tried to absorb everything that was happening. There was a brief silence before Howie finally said “Brian, I’m sorry I said all of those things…I was just upset. Nick’s letter…” Howie handed the letter to Brian and let him read it. Tears once again formed in Brian’s eyes as he thought of his Nicky sitting on the edge of a boat in the middle of the ocean…all alone. Brian didn’t like how Nick had written, “ I have to say goodbye.” And from the look on Howie’s face, he could sense it too. “You have to go find him.” Howie stated flatly. “You love him enough to change the rest of your life for him. And he loves you Brian, more than life itself.” Those last few words spoken by Howie sent fear through both their bodies. What if Nick was really saying his final goodbye to both of them? Neither could tell, but both could only hope that he still cared for both of them enough not to hurt them like that. “I don’t know what I’d do without him.” Brian said, getting choked up again. “Go to him Brian, and bring him back home.” Howie said as he embraced Brian, both of them clinging onto each other tightly. |