Chpt9

“Ok where do I start? I’ve been a friend with this… guy…for a long time. Well, over the years, we’ve gotten closer… a lot closer, and things progressed eventually beyond friendship.” Nick slowly looked up at Melissa for her response, not sure of how she would react. She surprisingly didn’t look shocked. She just shook her head signaling him to continue. “ He was and still is my closest friend and we shared everything together… and a few years ago I had a huge fight with my ex-girlfriend, we broke up, and I was frustrated and mad and didn’t know where things were going with the relationship… hmm, that’s quite odd, exactly how I have been feeling. Anyway, I turned to him, he was having problems of his own, and I guess we finally realized what we were both missing in our relationships, each other.”
***** Flashback*****
Brian laid his head back on his couch, trying to clear his mind of all that had been troubling him lately. Leighanne had been pressuring him about taking their relationship “ to the next level” and this seemed to be pushing him further towards Nick. He had always known that their random kisses and holding each other as the fell asleep on the tour bus was something that they had superficially agreed to, functioning only to show their friendly love for each other and satisfy their sexual urges while they were away from their girlfriends. Yet, both of them knew that their affection was more than just what they had pretended it was. Brian stared at the candlelit room, while listening to his favorite Brian McKnight cd. The cd switched to the next track playing one of his favorites, Back at One. His thoughts veered quickly away from his relationship with Leighanne and focused mainly on the man that he had called his best friend for years. Brian had long forgot the internal debate about the morality of what a relationship with Nick would mean… he was grown up now and knew that his perfect religious standards could not always be heeded in the ways of love. Now it was more a question of hurting their girlfriends and letting their band mates and the media know if they were to get serious. Yet at this moment, Brian wasn’t going to let any of that interfere, his feelings were growing stronger and he was becoming more convinced that it was Nick that he truly wanted to be with, not Leighanne. He just wasn’t sure how Nick felt. A year ago, before he met Leighanne, it was Nick who had suggested that they test what it would be like to make out, and soon afterwards told Brian that he really cared for him. But Leighanne had came along only a week after this and Brian was confused and foolishly listened to what he “should do” rather than what he truly wanted. Nick and him never really spoke about it again, Nick had gone back to Amanda and Brian was trying to make the best of it with Leighanne, but he always felt that the sexual tension was still there, and they both knew that their emotional connection would never fade away.
That night Brian had taken Leighanne out to dinner and she had once again brought up the thought of a serious commitment that she felt they were both ready for. Brian didn’t like how she made statements like that, thinking and feeling for both of them. He had rejected it and they had not ended the night on peaceful terms, he told her that he needed time to think about it, it was a big step for him. He told her they should take a break and she replied that they already had because he had been gone for so long. She of course blamed the fact that he was a celebrity and he was using it as a way out. Brian knew this wasn’t the reason, but didn’t know what to tell her. Ever since she had been talking about getting serious he had been drifting further away from her. He hadn’t really even seen her in the past few months while the group was on their tour and as soon as he gets back she’s blurting out things about commitment. The tour had given him more of an opportunity to be with Nick and they both enjoyed it. Brian knew that when he kissed Nick, it was completely different from kissing Leighanne… it was more passionate, meaningful and most of all, he felt complete. His love now was for Nick, he just didn’t know if he still felt the same way…

The doorbell ringing and a heavy knock at the door interrupted Brian’s thoughts. He paused the cd and knew it had to be either Leighanne or one of the guys; they were the only ones besides his family (who were in Kentucky) who could get access to his front door. It was raining outside and was surprised that anyone would come out to his house in the storm. He looked through the peephole and only saw soaked blond locks. He quickly unlocked the door and let Nick in. He was wearing only a thread bear white t-shirt and an old pair of worn out jeans with his sandals. His shirt was now pressed tightly to his chest and his hair clung to his forehead as he raised his head to look up at Brian. Brian knew immediately that Nick was upset. His normally blue sparkling eyes were tear stained and blood shot. He reached his arms out as Nick fell into him, clasping onto Brian’s shoulders as Brian kicked the door shut behind him. Nick buried his face into Brian’s shoulder, his body convulsing with each cry. “Shhh Nicky… what happened? What’s wrong?” Brian asked as Nick’s wet body pressed tightly against his own. “I … I went home… and found her…with… with… Carson…” Nick said in between each weep, trying to catch his breath. ‘I knew I hated that bastard for a reason… damn him.’ Brian thought to himself as he continued to cling onto Nick tightly, supporting him. “Why… didn’t I see it Bri? I’m so fucking stupid!” He continued to hug Brian tightly as the tears poured down his face; he had let all of himself go. She had really fucked up this time. “Nick, you are not stupid, no one could have predicted this, she’s been a bitch to you before, but nothing like this.” Brian said stroking Nick’s wet back, trying to console him. “ I thought she loved me this time, for real, God I’m so stupid! Why did I let myself fall for her again, I always do this… I let myself get into far and then I get hurt…” Nick’s voice trailed off as Brian stopped rubbing his back realizing what he was referring to. Nick picked up his head and looked at Brian’s eyes, tears still rolling down his face. “ Bri, I didn’t mean… I’m… sorry” Brian couldn’t see any more pain in Nick’s eyes, he still could barely speak and needed to calm down. Brian placed a hand on the back of Nick’s neck and brought him back down to his shoulder. “ It’s ok Nick, I know…it’s ok…” Nick gripped onto Brian’s back holding on to him tightly, afraid to let him go once again. He needed Brian now; he was what mattered to him the most. Nick’s breathing finally calmed as Brian continued to run his fingers through the back of Nick’s hair, consoling him and holding him tightly. Nick raised his head and stared once again at Brian, looking deep into his eyes and searching for an answer to what was going to happen to him. He stood before Brian like a child who had just been hurt, his eyes swollen and his cheeks flushed. “You ok Nick?” Brian asked as he slid his hand down Nick’s arm, releasing his grip. “I guess I’ll recover, it’s just I didn’t even see it coming.” Nick said, his eyes glossed over and fixated on Brian. “Well how about this. First we get you out of these wet clothes, you can take a shower, we can just order a pizza and watch a movie and you can stay here tonight if you want. I don’t want you to be alone. Ok?” Nick gave into a slight smile, happy that Brian had always been there for him and always knew exactly what to do and say to make him feel better. “There, that’s much better.” Brian said smiling back at Nick. “You can use the shower in my room and I think there are still a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that you left here before in my dresser. I’ll warm up a pizza and pick out a movie.” “Thanks Bri, you’re a great friend.” Nick leaned back down into Brian for another hug. This time Nick pressed his body closer to Brian’s and this sent sensations through Brian’s body. ‘Not now’ Brian thought ‘ he’s so vulnerable, you can’t play on that.’ Nick ran up the steps to Brian’s room and shut the door.