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Since you may have the opportunity to get physically close with one or more people during the course of the evening, it's probably a good idea to take a shower, brush your teeth, and (if necessary) shave before showing up. If you like to use your fingers inside your partners as part of sex, don't forget to clip your fingernails short. Even if you're a regular, it's usually polite to make a party reservation rather than just "dropping in", and to cancel your reservation if you can't keep it. Arrive on time, and if you are part of a couple be sure you arrive together as a couple. Generally the host and/or hostess will fill new couples in about party rules and etiquette. The spa or hot tub, if there is one, is a good place to get involved in friendly conversations. Most couples at swinging events are more than happy to answer questions and talk about their experience of the lifestyle. It's a good idea for couples to stick together at the party unless they both agree that they'd like to mingle or play separately for a while. If one partner just wanders off, the other may feel abandoned or jealous. If you DO need to have a serious relationship discussion or argument with your partner, however, it's considered polite to do so away from the party in a more private area. In general, if a bedroom or other space is being used for sex it's considered impolite to carry on loud or extraneous conversations in it that might distract others. The tradition at some on-premises parties is for one of the larger rooms to be for the "group scene." Depending on the party some rules of etiquette may be slightly relaxed here; it might be assumed OK for someone to touch you unless or until you say no. Again, this completely depends on the party. Opening closed doors to bedroom areas and then just staring at whatever is going on is usually considered pretty rude, and men will have more fun in ANY of the party's play areas if their female partner is with them (some parties actually have rules about men going into the "group scene" area without their female partner). If at some point during the evening you decide to have a shower, be careful not to use somebody else's towel or washcloth on your eyes or genitals (this should just be common sense). Using alcohol to excess is a silly idea, especially if you or your partner are just getting into swinging. Many non-swingers have their first quasi-swinging experiences when they are heavily intoxicated, and then regret what they did the next day or blame the alcohol for what they freely chose to do. Try to make your experience different from this. But without question, the most important suggestion I can offer is to always keep track of where you're at, and only do what you want to do. If you don't want to swing with someone, just say no tactfully and courteously. You always have the right to say no to anything, and if someone doesn't take no for an answer you should tell the party host immediately. In swinging, sometimes you will be told, "No, thank you." When this happens, just accept it graciously and don't inquire as to "Why not?" An interesting situation can sometimes arise in couples new to swinging, a situation that I describe as follows - "the more enthusiastic member of a couple will get the couple into swinging, but the less enthusiastic partner will probably keep them there." Some in the swinging scene have noticed that one partner, more often than not the man, has more enthusiasm than the other. He has had terrific fantasies about freewheeling sex and plenty of it, and he finally convinces his initially reluctant partner to give swinging a try. When they get to the party, she has a great time and is in high demand, while he thinks the party's a dud. Before you pack up your sexy outfit and fistful of condoms, take some time to consider and negotiate how you will deal with the chagrin of being the less popular partner if such a dismaying event happens to you." In other words, some jealousy may spring from insecurity: If I'm worried that I'm not valuable enough to keep my primary partner's interest and love, or that fewer people will be interested in playing with me than with my primary partner, I may be more apt to get jealous. For the latter case, some of these fears may be alleviated by choosing, at least initially, to only swing together as a couple. This way neither partner can be left out. To end this section on a more practical note, many couples find that the secrets to dealing with jealousy tend to revolve around good communication, keeping agreements, reassuring each other as to your love and commitment before and after playing with someone new, and listening to each other's emotional concerns and taking them seriously whenever they arise. If jealousy becomes an issue for you and your partner, you might try working on some or all of these things. Read more |