Disclaimer, I own nothing
Genre: PWP
Pairings: 6(1x2x1) 13(3x4x3) 9(rxdxr) misc.
Rating: 18
Warnings: Chibi nekos, lemon, lime, some squick, may be considered Shota. Yaoi, yuri, het
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Of Kitty Cats and Gundam Pilots
Zechs had left his two kittens alone in his house with an admonition to be good before he left for the mall. He was sure he could trust them, after all they had been Gundam pilots and Trent had assured all of them that their minds were capable of adult thought processes. Although watching Heero groom Duo in the back of the car had been rather distracting.
He had left them in the house with tuna sandwiches on the table, which he made sure that they could reach, and glasses of milk, because they had human hands, and waggling his finger at them he had told them to be good. Both had smiled at him and nyaoed together before Duo curled up on the suede couch for one of his many naps, and Heero was playing with two of the figurines from the hearth on the rug.
So he had no real reservations about leaving them behind whilst he went to get them certain necessities. Noin had mentioned it might be a good idea to get some books on the subject, so his first stop was in the bookstore to buy some volumes on keeping cats and small children. A rather attractive woman attempted to entertain him with a rather witty conversation but stopped when she saw that he was purchasing books on child care much to his annoyance.
The people in the pet-shop were much more helpful. He was able to buy two rather pretty collars, both in matching black velvet, two rather large pet duvets, though he was unsure if they would sleep on them, as it seemed Duo much preferred the couch and Heero really liked the thick knap on the fireside rug. He bought them a selection of toys, remembering how happily Heero had played with the figurines from the hearth.
Then he went into the children's wear shop. Lying to the cashier he told her the tale of how he had inherited two young boys and had no idea whatsoever of what to buy them. Blinking winsomely sent her in a flurry around the shop lifting matching outfits and pyjamas, because as appealing as the two tiny pairs of denim shorts that Trent had put them in were there was something distinctly underage about them. She also chose some that didn't match, namely a pair of flash pyjamas and a pair of batman pyjamas, and many pairs of action man briefs. He blinked again, in surprise this time, when he saw how much it rang up to.
He arranged for them to be delivered and then went to the chemist on the sales assistant's recommendation. Once there he suborned a pimply youth and explained his predicament using the same lie that he had to the woman in the children's wear shop. The pimply youth took him on a mad dash, picking up a basket and filling it with all manner of strange cosmetics and shampoos with brief explanations on each which went clear over Zechs' head. Occasionally he was sure he heard words he recognised like aloe and lavender, but he just bought what the boy told him, pretty sure he could work out how to use it from the instructions on the bottles. When they reached the combs he deviated in one way thinking of Duo's long hair and bought a small paddle brush designed for infants.
After that he went into a toy shop and bought several random toys designed for under fives, as he wasn't quite sure how adult they really were, and a large box of crayons and some paper, remembering how much he had enjoyed drawing as a child. He was also pretty sure that neither of them had had that experience when they were growing up.
Putting all his shopping into his car and worrying whether or not the bank manager would just freeze his accounts or call him first to query his suspicious spending. In fact most of the items were bundled into the back seat because the large bags from the pet store had filled his trunk. As he drove home he just hoped his new pets liked what he had bought for them.
What he didn't expect was the state the house was in when he came home. He had specifically told them to be good .
Duo was sat in the middle of the Spanish style tile flooring yowling, he was also wearing an entire bag of flour and several eggs.
The fish tank was on it's side, empty.
The antique sheepskin rug had absorbed most of the water from the fish tank and what it hadn't had been taken in by the suede sofa, destroying them both.
The Chinese figurines that Heero had been playing with were smashed and there was no sign of him at all.
The kitchen looked like a bomb had hit it, showering everything in milk, egg, sugar and flour, the plates the tuna sandwiches were on were shattered, and the faucets were running as was the waste disposal. It and Duo were making the most awful racket. There was a bottle of maple syrup on it's side and slowly pooling on the floor.
The bedroom was relatively untouched, the drawers had been opened and emptied but that was it, but the en-suite bathroom was another matter. The toilet was blocked with flour, the bath was running with the shower head attachment jerking all over the bath like a demented snake. And to make matters worse one of them had shat in his shower cubicle.
Zechs was torn between walking out and never coming back, having a nervous breakdown, or tending to the screaming Duo.
The man on him was voting for option 1, but the soldier was eyeing option 2 rather critically. With a sigh he dropped the purchases that he had brought in with him from the car and picked up the screaming Duo. Rather than soothing him it just seemed to make him squall louder. Hoisting him into a fireman's lift careless of the way that it covered him in the same goop that covered Duo. Turning off the faucet in the bathroom he dumped the neko in the tub and went looking for his counterpart.
Being as his house was small and single story and that the windows had been locked he was quite sure that Heero was somewhere in the house. He checked behind the furniture and curtains, and under the bed. He tried calling out to him but only was answered by a muffled Nyao from the bathroom which he was sure was Duo.
It took fifteen minutes to find the former wing pilot who had stolen one of Zechs' cashmere sweaters and made himself a bed on top of the kitchen cabinets. He had squeezed himself between them and the ceiling and only his foot remained in view. Fetching the step ladder Zechs found himself face to face with a very sleepy neko, who, like Duo, was covered in the contents of his kitchen. It looked like it was going to be a long night.
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