~ I Want to ~
I want to to wake up,
See you lost in your dreams.
I want to stand up,
Take control of my life.
I want to not be lonely,
I feel so empty inside.
I want to be accepted,
By you and everyone else,
I want it to not matter,
Even if I'm not.
I want you to look at me,
See me this time.
I want to be understood,
Please don't misread me.
I want to feel love,
Simple and true.
I want to trust...
In you.
I want to feel peace...
Don't want to hurt anymore.
Most of all...
I want to just be me.
30/12/99
~ Too Much Time ~
Nails clicking on the table
tap... tap... tap... tap
Waiting endlessly, impatiently
Too much time to think
Her leg starts to twitch
The way it always has since she first took that drug
Swinging back and forth.... dangling in space
Her big green eyes search the room
Gazing over strangers & surprisingly some familiar faces
That man....... she sees him on Saturday nights in the valley
Dancing & flying... not a problem in the world
Well he has one now
Too much time to think
Her stare moves from his empty eyes to her feet
Noticing them jiggling again
Her nervous system unable to keep them still
She concentrates on making them stop as she nervousely scratches at her neck
"Get me out of here" her demons yell
"We don't belong in this place"
'I need it' she keeps thinking over & over again
Too much time to think
She is suddenly all too aware of her breathing
The way it escapes her lips...
Too shallow & trembling in her throat... fighting it's way out
She lets it out painstakingly as he opens the door for her
She steps up & walks in...
Hoping he is her way out...
"How have you been?" He says
"I hope the nights are better"
She looks up at him and manages a smile as she replies ......
"Too much time to think"
15/3/99
~ Gone ~
Your gone by day, visit me by night
In the dreams that fill my head
Laughter, love & longing looks
Touching & fullfilment
Only dreams.....
'But it's all gonna be OK' you say
'One Day'
I wake in the morning and my face wears a smile again...
By afternoon, once more I'm lonely
I can't wait to hear your voice, your laughter on the line
The way you call me baby, & tell me that your mine
Your sensual tone and sexy words
I close my eyes & imagine your here
Makin' me so crazy
Finally I sleep and dream of you
If only for an hour...
See your face & feel your touch
Play, tease & challenge, fight & then make love
Nights seem so much better
The times we are together
The days are long and tiresome
I work, drive, live my life
All day, all I do is think of you.... of the night before
My stomach turns & twists & churns
Remembering what we did
Imagining you there & touching
You set me on fire again
I hear you talking, lifts me from my sleep
I look around but things are as they've always been
I feel like I am sinking... sick
Desperate and happy all at once
Conflictions in my head
One day I'll wake.. feel that fear
Just as I have tonight
Then I'll feel your body close behind me
You'll make noises in your sleep
And I'll whisper how I Love You
Your arms close around me... the breath I hold is released
I close my eyes....
Feel tranquility & peace
Early July 99
