| >> Characters
Scripts Sea Shanties |
| Character | Played By |
| Narrator | Silver Wahoo |
| A Cannibal | Julie McCrossin |
| A Wagon Driver | Paul |
| Boris Boris (Name changes to Ivan next ep.) | Sandy |
| Bosun Bosun | Sandy |
| Brown Pete | Sandy |
| Cabin Boy Twinkle | Paul |
| Captain Pants | Mikey |
| Cindy (Tony Bulimore's wife) | Jen |
| Felcher Christian | Paul |
| Francine Gambino | Jen |
| General Hernandez Miguel Phillipe Sanchez Maria Penis Olivier III | Richard Fidler/Rod Quantock |
| Great Father O'Kamahl | H.G./Adam Spencer/Paul |
| Lady Hirsute | Mikey |
| Lord Hirsute | Alex ?? |
| Madboy Eddie | Mikey |
| Morag | Rani/Jen |
| Native Guy | H.G. |
| Paddy | Paul |
| Parson Wind | Sandy |
| Ghost of Plato (or Aristotle in the next ep.) | Mikey |
| Salty Dave | Mikey |
| Satan | Adam Spencer/Sandy |
| Sean | Mikey |
| Stan "Two Testes" Gambino | Sandy |
| Surgeon Falafel | Sandy |
| Tiffany Hirsute | Jen |
| Tony Bulimore (Michael Caine voice) | Paul |
| Ghost of Twinkle's Grandma | Jen |
| Vincent Gambino | Paul |
There are also various seamen:
Seaman Stains
Seamen Ben Dover
Seaman Sprays
Seaman Trickles
The Women's Water Polo team played several characters in the episode that Paul wrote:
Ophelia Cox
Private Dick Stroker
Pissed and Broke