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Part Three
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A sleeping Lindsey was a powerful temptation. Angel had stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the alluring sight in his bed. He knew he was attracted to Lindsey from the first time they met, but he had never imagined how Lindsey would look in his bed.

The bronzed skin glittered under the dimmed lighting; the few sweat beads on the muscular chest were begging to be licked away. His hair, once neatly combed, was now rumpled in such a way made Angel want to smooth the silky strands with his cold fingers. The eyes, though closed, were still enticing; the long, curly eyelashes cast a light shadow over the eyelids. Finally, Angel moved his gaze down to Lindsey's mouth and he had to grip the bedpost to brace himself against the urge to crush his own against it. The Lindsey's lips were slightly parted, giving Angel a peek at the white teeth and the pink tongue within.

Unconsciously, Angel walked over and sat down next to the sleeping form. The warm breaths from the human were tantalizing for it was a potent mix of alcohol and something that Angel could only classify as Lindsey. He sniffed carefully. Funny, he didn't smell any of the fear that usually surfaced when the human was around him. All he could sense was relaxation and from what he could guess, it wasn't something Lindsey felt often.

Just as Angel was about to move away, he felt the familiar stirring between his thighs when Lindsey shifted and turned his head, giving Angel a full view of the long, graceful neck. He could see the long, slightly bluish vessels running through it, transferring the sweet blood h craved to the thumping heart and the thudding pulse at the base of Lindsey's throat and that was Angel's undoing.

With a low growl, he descended his hungry mouth onto the younger man's. Lindsey tasted like sunshine, fervent and yielding. He lingered on those pouty lips until the human underneath him let out a groan due to lack of oxygen then moved downward to the base of Lindsey's neck and began to suck on his Adam's apple.

The first thing Lindsey felt when he awoke, was the burning scream in his lungs for air, then the cool sensation of someone's mouth on his neck and that action was quickly awakening a desire he hadn't felt in a long time. "Who... Angel?!"

Angel's head snapped up at the call of his name, but he didn't waste time answering whatever question Lindsey held in those pale blue eyes; he smelled Lindsey's arousal and the heady scent combined with his own was addictive.

Without a reply, Angel dragged his one of his long, slender fingers down the Lindsey's chest as he resumed his attack on the golden brown skin.

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Afterward, Angel lied on the bed, only a thin sheet covering his body, guilty thoughts threading through his mind. He had taken Lindsey by force, maybe not physically, since he didn't fight him, but emotionally.

He knew that Lindsey was incapable of making any decisions in his state of inebriation, and he also knew Lindsey had some feelings for him, well hidden under the facade of repulsion and annoyance. The little hints and implications from time to time were enough to convince him that if Lindsey didn't love him, he was, at least, attracted to him. Judging from what Lindsey had said when he answered the door; he had even considered him a part of the 'family'.

Angel mentally kicked himself for putting another obstacle in their already rocky relationship. The faint breathing and slow heartbeat next to him reminded Angel of his own life, the life before he was turned into the creature he was today.

He scowled lightly at the unhappy memories and how they tend to pick the worst time to surface. He remembered how he used to get up early and look over the books just to make his father proud. All he ever wanted was for his old man to have smiled and given him a good pat on the back. Instead, he¡¦d always gotten the shove that pushed him further and further away from his father¡¦s approval.

Angel didn't realize he had put his thoughts into words and they were rushing of out him until a heated hand covered his and with the movement came a whisper, "You are a good man."

Shocked, Angel looked down at the man against his chest and tried to rationalize the situation. He was frustrated and lonely; so was Lindsey. It was supposed to be safe, no worries of losing his soul, no attachments.

Then why was he worried about losing his soul when he brought both of them to ecstasy? When he couldn't think of a good reason, Angel did something he never thought he would do, he gathered Lindsey into his arms and let sleep overcome him.

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Angel had expected another nightmare during his short period of rest, but the events that occurred earlier in the night did not manifest itself into his unconscious mind. Oddly enough, he felt calm with Lindsey nestled next to him.

Why? He and Lindsey were enemies. How could he feel secure with his primary nemesis so nearby? 'It's because if Lindsey's with me, he won't be out destroying the world or plotting evil, ' he told himself and was content with that explanation.

'Lindsey is the enemy, ' he convinced himself then paused at the word 'convince'. Since when did he need to convince anyone that Lindsey McDonald, one of the best and brightest of Wolfram and Hart, was evil? It should be a fact to everyone at Angel Investigations, a known knowledge...right? His inner self was cut off by a small, almost pitiful, whimper from his right.

Angel glanced at the lawyer next to him, and wasn't surprised to find him thrashing and moaning out incomprehensible mutters. Sighing, Angel resigned to what his heart was telling him to do and drew Lindsey into a comforting embrace. 'I'm just doing this so he'll shut up and I can think. '

As if to support his thought, the cries ceased the moment Angel pulled Lindsey into his arms, the lawyer breathed out one last blurred sound then fell silent. Without thinking twice, Angel indulged into the rare luxury of the closeness and greedily inhaled the distinct scent of sex and fading cologne in Lindsey's hair.

During Angel's unfocused state, Lindsey had pulled himself on top of Angel in his sleep. Angel could do nothing except to gawk at the human being sprawled atop of his chest, the tanned arms and legs draped over him like a blanket and allowed the soothing heat that was brought by the body to wash over him.

'What are you going to tell Lindsey when he wakes up?' Angel nearly growled when the little voice interrupted the tranquility surrounding them and asked the one question Angel did not know the answer to.

Last night was a mistake that would never happen again, that was how Angel had filed it in his mind. All he had to do was to figure out a way to rephrase it so it wouldn¡¦t sound so hurtful when he told it to Lindsey.

Wait a second, why was he worrying about Lindsey's pain? Besides, whatever he had planned on telling Lindsey was just words, they could never hurt anyone, especially for someone who fought with them everyday.

Deep down inside, Angel knew he was wrong, words could do more damage than any physical injuries. He was speaking from first hand experience, when Buffy had come to LA to hunt down Faith and seek revenge.

Buffy had told him that she had someone new in her life, hurling words like 'love' and 'trust' at him like a stone. As soon as she was finished, he felt his mouth moving and words were flowing out, unstoppable. His mind couldn't register what his mouth was saying; all it could concentrate on was the fact that Buffy had moved on, had left him behind.

When he was done, he was met with the icy glare and the sentence she managed to squeeze out between her thinned lips, "See, Faith wins again." But the phrase didn¡¦t make through his aggrieved mind, all he could hear was the repetition of Buffy's declaration of having a new lover in her life and all he could see was the images of her with another man.

He remembered what he had told her, "Go." There were only two things that were clear in his head, one of them was to kiss her and the other was to chase her away. He chose the latter, because it was the best for both of them. And she did, she left him again and didn't bother to look back.

Angel tightened his cool arms around Lindsey's slim waist as the intense memory surged through his thoughts. He was unaware of the discomfort he was causing Lindsey until the lawyer stirred and began to struggle against the restraint.

Released his arms and placed his hands gently on the Lindsey's lower back; Angel willed his growing arousal away.

Sensing from the changed pace of breathing, Angel knew that Lindsey was waking up. He braced himself against any kind of reaction Lindsey might have as he patted him lightly on the shoulder.

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When Lindsey opened his eyes, he was greeted by a smooth, marble chest, which he had been using as a pillow, and Angel's soft mahogany eyes. Some distant corner of his mind that wasn't completely numb from shock was aware that his mouth had sagged open in bewilderment, and that he hadn't blinked in a long time; he might never blink again because he just couldn't stop staring.

Lindsey broke his gaze when a low chuckle emerged from Angel and saw him gathering an unneeded breath to speak, but he beat the vampire to it. "How?" He stuttered with difficulty as he tried to lift himself off Angel.

"You were drunk when Gunn, Cordy and I came over to your place to talk to you. We brought you here when we realized you were too wasted to understand a thing we were saying. Also, you owe me a cleaning bill for me car." Angel applied a bit of force to make Lindsey stay sprawled on top of him; he didn¡¦t want the warmth to leave, yet.

"Okay... But why am I..." He gestured with a wave of his hand, "here?"

Angel scolded himself for acting to tenderly toward Lindsey. They were enemies who just happened to slept with each other. The voice inside his head laughed hysterically at his reasoning. "Who's Alicia?" He asked, wanting to break away from the comfortable conversation they were having.

"Why?" If Angel could answer his question with one, there wasn't a reason he couldn't do it too.

"Just answer it."

Sighing, Lindsey gave in. "Alicia who?"

Angel searched his brains for a last name, "Dovane."

Lindsey frowned slightly. "I don't think I've ever heard of that name."

"You sure?" Angel tightened his grip on Lindsey's arm and sniffed the air around him. Nothing except for confusion, Angel was pleased at the result. Lindsey wasn't lying.

Angel recalled the detailed descriptions of Glory that Giles had given him over the phone, especially her ability to extract memory or sanity from human brain in order to keep herself sane in this world. Connecting the dots, he came to a simple conclusion ¡V Holland must have hired Glory to erase everything concerning Alicia from the younger man's head.

"Pretty much, but I could check later. Now back to my original question, why am I here? In your bed?" Angel's train of thought was interrupted when Lindsey moved again.

"We fucked last night," he stated calmly, carefully avoiding eye contact with Lindsey.

"No..." Lindsey watched Angel from the corner of his eye, his brows creasing into a confused frown that didn't quite reach his mouth. He pushed himself up again and this time, he succeeded.

"Oh yes. You enjoyed it too," Angel replied harshly, hiding the disappointment of the absence of Lindsey.

"We just... fucked?" Lindsey's heart was definitely hammering now, his jaw gone slack in disbelief. This was a different Angel, so different from the one he had made love to. Oh, wait, 'fucked'. He thought bitterly. To him, even through the drunken haze, they didn¡¦t 'fuck'; he refused to think of last night the way Angel did.

"What else is there?" Angel answered, neglecting the small sting in his heart and the urge to wave his hands frantically as he saw Lindsey's beautiful eyes go flat; as Lindsey closed himself off to him in the familiar way, when Angel had scoffed at his harsh childhood.

Angel clenched his fist under the covers when he sensed the despair in the lawyer's mood, and tried to control himself from pulling Lindsey back into his arms. But it was the only way, he could never love Lindsey, in fact, he wasn't allowed to love anyone.

Angel knew it would be a mistake to fall in love or have any sort of emotion toward Lindsey. Lindsey McDonald was the enemy. 'Denial!' the little voice in his head sang. Angel shook his head in exasperation as he mentally told the voice to shut up.

When Lindsey raised his head, his eyes were unreadable, calm and dark and mixed with a hint of anguish. "You're right, what else is there?" he mocked softly. Years of suffering and practice in blocking the pain came to good use at a moment like this. "What time is it?" he asked, changing the subject.

"A little past six. You can get some more sleep if you want. I'll be in the office." Without waiting for a response, Angel slipped out from under the covers and got dressed. "I'll leave you alone." Then disappeared up the stairs.

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"Great, alone." Lindsey's tears silently fell, now he truly was. He had thought that maybe this was a chance for a new start. By the way Angel held him afterward; he thought Angel truly cared.

He had thought Angel was returning his affection. He had thought... Well, it didn't matter now; he was wrong, so utterly and terribly wrong.

The tears rolled down his cheek and gathered at the base of his chin then absorbed by the cotton sheet. He stared at the wet spot, mesmerized. He wasn't aware that he had been crying. The knowledge of his tears broke the dam. Lindsey hunched into a tight ball as gut-wrenched sobs escaped him.

He found himself violently shaking, although he wasn't cold, or was he? On the inside he was cold, so cold he felt his heart almost stop. He had been a lot warmer with Angel¡¦s arms around him, even if Angel¡¦s skin was always icy to the touch.

Lindsey closed his eyes, in a futile effort of trying to stop the flow of images of the scene earlier. It only seemed to make the memories even stronger, the touches more tangible and the taste of Angel's skin more vivid if he closed his eyes; the low, sultry voice that still rang in his ears more wrenching.

He had given Angel more than his body, he offered him his heart, and Angel had opened up to him. Lindsey would bet anything Angel was laughing inside when he told him that he was a good man.

Maybe that was the problem; he wasn't good enough for Angel. Why would the 'hero' want to consort with him? He picked up his fist and slammed it into the oak nightstand, anything to distract him from the pain within.

"We fucked." Angel¡¦s words pricked his ears harshly. "Liar!" he screamed against the pillow.

"What else is there?" Angel had said that to him too. "Liar," Lindsey said again brokenly in a hoarse whisper.

It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't let Angel in; it was too late now. Nothing could remove the images from his mind. The realization swept over him followed by a new wave of misery.

Lindsey recalled the low sounds that had emerged deep within Angel¡¦s throat when Lindsey traced the tattoo on his back with his tongue and the gentle movements as Angel moved within him in contrast with harsh, passion-filled kisses.

How could Lindsey forget the almost pained expression on Angel's face when his facial features scrunched together in the fierce heat and the naked need in those brown eyes? Or the way Angel had planted soft butterfly kisses along his collarbone then retraced the pattern lightly with his sharp teeth?

Lindsey dug his nails into his palm, hoping to ease the pain in his heart; it was useless. Everything reminded him of Angel.

Eventually the tears subsided into occasional sobs, and the sobs to hiccups, then to nothing at all. And, as always, the last thought before he fell into a fitful sleep was of Angel.

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Angel ran his hand through his disheveled brown hair and took a deep breath then exhaled slowly to fight the tide of tears that had been threatening to overtake him since the moment Lindsey woke up and looked at him with glittering eyes, a face of perpetual hope.

His mind filled with thought of Buffy and confused by his own feelings, Angel did the only thing he could come up with in such a short time; shattered the gleam in those baby blues with his cruel words.

Angel felt contrite the moment Lindsey turned away, wearing a wounded look in his eyes. When Lindsey spoke again, his voice was chilling, cold enough to make a dead person shiver.

Again, not knowing what to do in a situation like this, Angel fled. He needed to be alone to figure out what was going on, and he was sure Lindsey wanted to do the same.

The vampire wished fervently that he could turn back time, but to no avail as the minutes came and went, leaving him standing in his office. Letting out an exasperated sigh, Angel sat down in his chair.

Angel was acutely aware of that small seed of panic when Lindsey woke up, then his muscles relaxed as he burrowed into Angel.

He understood the emotion, who wouldn't be startled when they woke up in their enemy's bed? He was sure that was something Lindsey wouldn't be caught dead doing. Angel grinned slightly at his expression considering who Lindsey's boss was. But why did Lindsey burrow into him? Didn't Lindsey know they were enemies?

He had tried to avoid any emotion waves from Lindsey, simply because it was too hard not to embrace Lindsey and bury his nose in the light brown hair while whispering comforting words.

As much as Angel refused to acknowledge Lindsey, his supernatural senses made him aware of the muffled cries, the heavy thud of fist colliding again wood and the smell of fear, rejection and pain flowing from the room below. Regularly, his vampire side would howl at the wonderful scent of those emotions, but now, all he could feel was regret and hurt.

His brow furrowed in confusion as he patted his hand to where his heart lay breaking under his chest. Angel knew he shouldn't be feeling like this, shouldn¡¦t be aching because of his enemy¡¦s pain, even after the night they shared.

It was strange, he didn't feel this strongly when Darla was taken away, the feeling was somewhat similar to the one he felt when he left Sunnydale, but still different.

The emotion now was more intense, the pain was more acute and the guilt within him rose to a new degree. It was almost like...he loved Lindsey? Angel disregarded that idea as soon as it came to him.

The only person he had truly loved was Buffy. He still dreamt about her and couldn't erase the memories of the day that only he remembered. Among the fantasies he had, being married to her had always been the one that he treasured. It always seemed right.

Unfortunately, he could only dream of having that kind of a life with her. He knew that he couldn't just forget the past in fear of the future, but what future would he have with Lindsey? Buffy! He quickly corrected himself and was puzzled by his own mind.

Angel couldn't get away from the vision of Lindsey's every movement when he shared his bed. It repeated itself over and over. Lindsey kissed just like how he fought in courtrooms; danced around a bit then attacked at the most unexpected moment. Angel could still feel the way Lindsey had outlined every muscle in his body with his finger, then his moist and warm tongue.

Lindsey's movements had been so trusting when he leaned and burrowed into Angel afterward instead of moving away. And last, Lindsey had tenderly whispered the most beautiful four-word sentence Angel had heard. Lindsey thought he was a good man. Angel couldn¡¦t stop a smile from forming.

Angel shook his head violently as soon as he realized that he was smiling. What were his feelings toward Lindsey, then? It sure wasn't love; it couldn't be. He was 'Lindsey' for crying out loud, the evil lawyer boy who walked past the open door of redemption...twice!

Angel recalled his distress and sadness when Cordelia showed his the paper stating Lindsey McDonald was promoted, and when he read about the death of Lilah Morgan. He knew Lindsey and Lilah were co-executives; with one of them dead, it could only mean the other was now in charge. Angel didn't know if he should be thankful that it wasn't Lindsey who was killed or grit his teeth to fight back the urge to punch something.

How could he ever love someone who was willing to let the person they love to be killed for wealth? Lindsey did exactly just that, he didn't make any effort to save that girl, Alicia.

'Maybe it's because he was too busy getting his brains sucked out,' the little voice was annoyingly back and returned the statement heatedly.

He could have at least searched for her whereabouts, but nope, Lindsey was too busy setting up his office. Angel retorted.

'Did I not mention the brain sucking part?' This time, the voice sounded curiously like Cordelia. Angel sighed quietly, knowing he was being unreasonable to Lindsey. Lindsey had obviously cared for that woman who shared a chilling similarity to Darla, and Angel hated to admit he felt a tiny sting of envy.

He was back at the main question: Did he love Lindsey or not? Angel felt helpless for the first time in a long time. He didn't love Lindsey; it was nothing more than lust. Lust, that was it, and tension. He had lusted after Darla, and got what he had missed for so long. Once he got a taste of it, he craved for more.

Finally satisfied with the conclusion, Angel stood up and stretched his sore muscles. His legs and back were numb from his sitting position. He glanced at the clock on his desk and it told him that it was almost eight. Cordelia should be in soon. After picking up the tape sitting on his desk, Angel padded softly out of the office, he needed to talk to Lindsey.

:: Part Four ::