Hey Now, You're an All-Star….Yeah, and?


Written by: DBangel aka "Bagel"

Disclaimer: Y'all own yourselves, k? Well, except for Gellar's man, but we won't go into that… Oh yeah, I inserted some of my little thoughts into this one. Call it authors right or something. They're in ~…~


Strange twilight-zone-like-voice-over: It was just another night at the COTN posting board. Wit was flying (and falling flat) and spirits were high, for there was a rumor of a possible cyber-orgy going on under Gellar's man's post. Food was being served in a *ahem* celebration, the snack of choice, of course, being Bagel's cookies ~Is that an oxymoron?~ and green M&M's. The board was peaceful, and safe, and they owed it all to their resident superhero….Wonder Michelle. Yes, that's right, Wonder Michelle kept the board safe from the gremlins and disgruntled posters in danger of going postal ~hee-hee, get it?~ She was the hero that shone the brightest, but there were others, ready and willing to fight for their board rights. And when the unthinkable happened, it was they who saved the spoiler board from impending doom. They are…the Mystery Posters.

(Cue Smashmouth's "All-star" as focus shifts from the swirling vortex thingy a la The Twilight Zone to the COTN meeting at the spoiler board)

OztheVampSlayer: Hey all, I'fh shtill goth some numneth from my nentisht appointmen. Whath haphenin?

Everyone: ………What????????????

Oz: Nefher min.

Bagel: It's been a pretty quiet night. No gremlins or disgruntled-posters-in-danger-of-going-postal. It worries me.

XW: Why so unnerved Bagel? Enjoy the monotony and…wait. What am I saying? I think I swallowed too much saltwater. Or maybe it was that hot-dog I bought from that vender in the middle of the air strip…

Wwolfe: I don't know, something just doesn't smell right…maybe it's Gellar's man.

Gellar's man: Hey! Well, I must smell pretty good 'cause I seem to have no shortage in the babes-who-want-me supply.

Wwolfe: Hah! If you had one ounce of the satire-writing ability that I have…

Nyx: Uh, guys? I don't think there's a measuring stick short enough for this one. But Bagel's right, something's not right. I just can't figure out what it is…….

Onos: Gee guys, could it be that it's 12:45 and Wonder Michelle still hasn't posted the COTN greeting????

(A bad case of board static greets the wise one's revelation as the six posters pause to ponder.)

Oz: Oh no…you guyth shink thares someshing wron?

Everyone: …….Huh?????

Nyx: Well, has anyone seen our fearless leader lately?

Bagel: *squirming* Well, um, now that you bring it up, she never stopped by to pick up her nightly chocolate bagel.

Everyone: Baaaaaagellllllll!

Gellar's man: She never misses her bagel pick-up! She always stands in line behind me, and laughs right after I order a plain, black coffee. Then she comes up and orders a double-lowfat-vanilla-mocha-frappuchino with extra whipped cream.

*Wwolfe snickers*

Onos: Um, Bagel. You chose not to disclose ths valuable piece of information to your peers because….?

Bagel: Um….uh….see, what had happened was…anyone want a cookie??

Gremlinthemighty: *booming earth-shattering evil laugh is heard, which comes out more like someone hawking up a loogey* My nemesis Wonder Michelle has plagued my victory for too long! I will reign supreme over this board and mess up all your posts! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa! They'll all be in the wrong place, or maybe they won't show up at all! You just won't know! And your days on the board are numbered. Well, as soon as my internet connection stops hanging up on m…*click*

XW: Wonder Michelle is in danger! I return after one week and already we start with the "it's-the- end-of-the-board-as-we-know-it" schpeil.

Onos: C'mon everyone! Our duty it is to protect, now that our leader is being held hostage. It's our God-given responsibility to journey forth, and battle. We shall not…

Gellar's man: Can we skip the responsibility speech a la 'Dawson's Creek" and get to the part where we fight the bad people and win already? Mina's waiting for me. And JenJoy's getting antsy.

Wwolfe: Ready everyone?

*The sound of ripping clothing and the stretching of spandex is heard*

Bagel, XW, Nyx, OztheVampSlayer, Onos, Gellar's man, and Wwolfe: We are…..The Mystery Posters!

("All-star begins playing once again)

XW: *sings and discos* Hey now, you're an all-star, get oyur game on, go play. Hey now…

*The music abruptly stops as the other MP's stop their proud march forth to turn and gawk*

Oz: Um, Xanderth Woman? Are yu comingh?

XW: Um, uh-huh.

*she runs to catch up as the music begins once again. They walk proudly, arms linked, in a straight line out the posting board door. Well, except for the part where Bagel tripped on her cape and dragged them down with her like a row of dominoes.*

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