Hey Now, You're an All-Star….Yeah, and?
Written by: DBangel aka "Bagel"
Disclaimer: Y'all own yourselves, k? Well, except for Gellar's man, but we won't go into that… Oh yeah, I inserted
some of my little thoughts into this one. Call it authors right or something. They're in ~…~
(The office supply warehouse in Vegas. That night)
*GremlintheMighty furtively glances in all directions, then steps back to reveal what he's been doing. A smoothie machine lies on the table next to a large glass of cherry sensation.*
Voice: Yo, boss! I did what you asked. Dude, those mystery posters are a piece of work. They really get into their "superhero" persona.
*GremlintheMighty desperately tries to hide what he's been doing as the voice-attached to a body of course-enters the room*
Voice: Am I interrupting something?…You've got some smoothie on your upper lip there, boss.
GremlintheMighty: Silence! So I take it you did what I asked?
Voice: What? Cancel your ballet lesson and pick up that cream from the drugstore? *waves the bag* Yeah…
GremlintheMighty: Shut up, you fool! Not that!…Gimme the bag. Did you do what I asked? You know, carry out the ultra-secret-plan-that-will-enable-me-to-defeat-the-posting-board-world-unless-someone-screws-it-up?
Voice: Oh yeah, that one. Uh-huh. Next time, send someone else, 'cause I missed out on some quality studying time for my summer school class. Geesh, probably going to fail because of you. And, my ex was there. Cheated on me with your little sidekick *grumble*
GremlintheMighty: Well? Tell me everything Elizabeth!
*The light and view shifts to reveal…Mina/Elizabeth! *Dun-Dun-Duuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnn!**
Mina/Elizabeth: Yeah, okay. First, I spent about a half-hour trying to get their attention. Then I gave them the schpeil of the "I-know-what-you-know-and-they-need-to-know-it-so-I'll-tell-them" that was so *cough* cleverly written. And then I told them you were in Vegas, planning a trap for them. But what I DIDN'T tell them was that….
(GremlintheMighty lets out another one of those pitiful anguished whimpers)
GremlintheMighty: You idiot! That's the part you WEREN'T supposed to tell them! You were supposed to lure them there so we could ambush them, not let them know about it! The incompetence…
Mina/Elizabeth: Hey, I didn't get written into this fic to be verbally abused mister! I AM the president of PETFC, you know! ~Ahem…Posters for the Ethical Treatment of Fic Characters~ And how stupid are you!? The bad guys NEVER win on television, or in the movies, or in fanfic, so what makes you think you're any different? I only took this job because it meant board acknowledgement and the possibility of a good tennis match between the Boytoy and me. But then I find out who your sidekick is. The one who he cheated on me with. But STILL I stayed and did things at your beck-and-call! So with all the pressure I'm feeling, especially since I'm going to meet David this weekend, EXCUUUUUUUUSE me for slipping up on one MINOR detail!
GremlintheMighty: Are you finished?
Mina/Elizabeth: I'm not sure. I have to confer with the writer of my dialogue. *pause to confer* Yeah, I'm done. For now. But you just never know when I might show up again! Because that's the way Bagel is. She just throws people into her mess of a board fic at the most inopportune times. So, excuse me, 'cause I have a half-eaten cookie and green M&M's waiting for me. *begins to walk out. Stops and snatches the smoothie* And I'm taking THIS with me! So there! 'Cause…
(She is cut off as GremlintheMighty shuts the door in her face, just in time to avoid revealing the fact that the author had no more witty dialogue left)
GremlintheMighty: Oh..great…I feel a migraine coming on. Mother….
Wonder Michelle: Hey? What about me? I've been waiting here for a part-and-a-half wondering what the heck you're planning to do with me. I have to post the COTN greeting with KurupttheAmazing in, like, 2 hours. So could we move on with it?
GremlintheMighty: Oh, yeah. Whatever. Witness…the Kragendopplethingamajigomatic!
(A strange contraption appears out of nowhere. Hey, that's the magic of board fics. It looks like that old board game Mousetrap.)
GremlintheMighty: You're gonna love this! See, this little button sets off this ball, which rolls down this ramp into this bucket, which tips, causing water to spill out of this into that bag, which becomes heavy and springs the zippo lighter, which in turn….
Wonder Michelle: Yeah, yeah, okay. We get it.
GremlintheMighty: You know, I'm getting interrupted way to many times in this fic. In that other one, with the…I guess you could call it…Shakespeare, at least the guy had the decency to let me finish! I grow bored, so I'm just going to press the button now even though I wasn't supposed to until the part 5.
*He presses the button. Nothing happens*
Wonder Michelle: You know, it really might help if you'd bothered to plug it in.
*GremlintheMighty sheepishly walks over, plugs it in, and then triumphantly presses the button again*
Wonder Michelle: It also might help if I were on that little 'x' you marked on the ground, instead of way over on the other side of the warehouse, near the post-its.
*Grumbling, he places her on the designated spot*
GremlintheMighty: Anything else?
Wonder Michelle: No…I think that's it. Oh wait. I guess this is the part where I should start screaming that I don't want to die, I'm too young to die, so please let me go, right? Well, here goes. Help me. Save me. I'm so afraid that this moron is really going to kill me. I actually think his stupid machine is going to work, so somebody please, oh please…
*Suddenly, the door to the warehouse bursts open, somehow triggering "All-Star" to begin blaring from invisible speakers. The Mystery Posters swagger in the door, clad in their underwear*
GremlintheMighty: What…what are you doing her? I set that trap for you, and…and…and…what are you doing in your underwear?
*Wonder Michelle is busy laughing her ass off, so she declines to add in a comment here*
Bagel: Well, see, what had happened was…
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