The First Angel Episode 1
Written by: Loveless
Disclaimer: You know I don't own the characters.
Angel kills a vampire in a cool fashionable way. Stake through the heart, witty
banter, ecetra.
Cordelia: Oh my! That was exceptional slaying!
Angel : Thank you.
Cordelia: I wonder why that vampire was there.
Angel: Something evil must be abound.
Cordelia: What should we do?
Angel: What would Buffy do?
Cordelia: Why don't we do what Giles would do. Check something up in a book.
Angel: And just how do we do that? I don't have any books. And I can't read.
Cordelia: I didn't know you were that stupid.
Angel: Don't underestimate me.
Cordelia: I KNOW ! I know! We'll wait for someone cryptic to show up and hand us
reliable information that the world will be tossed into an apocalyptic state.
Angel : OK.
(Six hours later) . . .
Doyle : Are you the one they call Angel?
Angel : Yes!
Cordelia: Oh, it's about time. We've been waiting six hours for some loser to give us
information about the vampire Angel just slayed.
Doyle: You two must come with me! I am Doyle, and I will help Angel guide other lost souls.
Angel: Huh?
Cordelia: Huh?
Doyle : That's the main theme of this series. Angel has to help lost souls.
Cordelia: Hah! Lost souls in LA? Do you know how LONG that will take us? What a waste of time.
Can't we do something exciting like we used to on Buffy?
Angel: Hmmm ... there were some exciting things I did ON Buffy, if you get what I mean.
Cordelia: Perv.
Doyle: Now... for the second time, come with me.
Cordelia: What about the vampire?
Doyle: Oh, that was just your random vampire encounter. Nothing to worry about.
Cordelia: How sure are you?
Doyle: Well, if he were a messenger that the apocalypse was about to arrive, he would be really
creepy, like have a hook for a hand or a scarred face. And he would give you some eerie
message to figure out and stuff.
Cordelia: Oh, I miss Giles. He's assumptions of vampires we found were much more entertaining.
Angel: But harder to understand.
Cordelia: You have difficulty understanding anything that's not a topless slayer.
Buffy : Oh ! Hello! Angel and Cordelia! Notice how I greet you both casually, which only
shows that I have matured as a character, and have stopped whining and moaning about that
pathetic vampire of a boyfriend Angel. How are you both?
Angel: Buffy! What are you doing here?
Buffy: We're all on a college trip! Look! Willow and Xander and Giles and Oz are here!
Isn't this fun?
Cordelia: What's a college trip?
Buffy: It's like a school trip, but only in colleges.
Cordelia: There is no such....
Buffy: Shut up. This is the only excuse we can think of right now as to get our characters
to cross over. (to Doyle) Hello! I don't care who you are, because I would probably be
focusing my interaction with Cordelia and Angel, as they are old friends of mine.
Doyle: Fine.
Willow : I don't like LA. Is there a bookshop here?
Oz: I don't like LA. Is there a guitarshop here?
Giles : I don't like America.
Xander: I love LA. Where are all the Porn shops?
Angel : Walk straight down the road, and turn left, they have a good selection there.
Cordelia: Perv.
Buffy : Ahem. Back to my *growth* as character. Did anybody listen to me?
Angel: This is my show. Take a hike.
Buffy: Don't you start with me, or I'll take it seriously and then your ratings will plummet.
Then you will be forced to come crawling back and begging for your spot on MY show. Ha!
Angel: I'm sorry.
Cordelia: I'll show my growth as a character by engaging in a civilized conversation with my
cheating scum ex-boyfriend Xander. (to Xander) What's up with you?
Xander: After I ditched Anya, Buffy found herself immensely attracted to me and thus began
our life-long sex romp.
Buffy: Excuse me?
Xander: Wishful thinking.
Cordelia: OK, enough about you losers. Let's talk about ME. After leaving Sunnydale for a
career in acting, I was stalked by a vampire which was killed by Angel. And then a moron
comes in and tells us Angel is a guide for lost souls.
Willow : Oh, how cliche.
Doyle : Hey!
Angel : I know.
Spike : Hello ducks!
Cordelia: Ack! What's this moron doing here?
Spike : Didn't you know? Since Season Four, I've been blackmailed into helping Buffy and her
gang.
Cordelia: Blackmailed? With what...?
Spike : Not telling you.
Buffy : Spike is important to add the vampiric ally in our show. You know, the spot used
to be filled by Angel.
Dru : Oh , Spike . . . you are here.
Spike : Dru?
Buffy : Dru?
Willow : Dru?
Giles : Dru?
Angel : Dru?
Cordelia : Dru?
Xander : Droool....
Dru : Ahhh, run and catch , run and catch. The lamb is caught in the blackberry patch. And
the silence. Silence. Of the Lamb. In the black berry patch.
Buffy: Speaking of which, the actress that plays me, is supposed to be acting in Silence
of the Lambs 2 : Hannibal. I think.
Giles : I loved that book.
Willow : I loved the tragic elements portrayed to a chilling effect in the book.
Xander: I love Jodie Foster.
Dru: Anyway, I am here, to warn you that something eeeeevil is abound.
Cordelia: Told you so!
Spike : Aren't you supposed to be evil? Why are you warning us?
Dru: Oh! I forgot! Sometimes I think all the hair on my head will fall out and I will be bald.
Buffy: And that's connected to you being evil .. how?
Dru: Silence, you tramp. I have come to tell you that I am the eeeeevil I'm talking about.
Prepare to face DRUSILLA !
Buffy: We're doing it now, you fool.
Angel : Dru! How can you do this? This is MY SHOW! Stop stealing the spotlight!
Dru : Behold my psychotelekinesis power (not like Carrie's, though). (grabs Xander and
does freakish hypnotizing thing) Be in my eyes... be in me.....
Xander: Oh, I wouldn't mind being in you. Did i just say that out loud?
Cordelia: Perv!
Part 2a
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