BOARD WARS: Episode IV: A NEW DOPE
Written by: OztheVampireSlayer
Disclaimer: I am a poor, poor white boy. Any resemblence to "Star Wars" is PURELY coincidental, I assure you. I own the Spoiler Board regulars. They ARE my property.
The Board Empire has become unstable with the Board Heroes constantly struggling to maintain their position against the evils of Gremlins, Insidetheweb, and Bezoars. The leader of the Anti-Boarders, Darth Larry, has sent many obstacles in the way of our heroes. However, the board manages to survive with a little bit of courage and their quick wits. Princess Michelle is on her way to the Internet Servers Senate to relieve herself of the many struggles she has to put up with on the boards and the site. However, little does she know that the Anti-Boarders are about to strike…
(Cut to Princess Michelle in her cyber-ship, heading off to the Internet Servers Senate, which is attacked by an Anti-Boarders fleet)
MICHELLE: What is that? Status report!
BOB: Well, Princess, according to all of our whatchamacalits and whodingies, we’ve concluded that the status is…(looks off paper)…we’re in deep s**t.
JACKSON: We need to get help, Princess! Darth Larry is coming for you!
MICHELLE: I must send my faithful droids to find help! Come here, Heather! Nyx!
HEATHER: Why am I always the crappy part? Now I’m a robot? Cripes, what is it with this? Board fictions never appreciate me.
NYX: Beep boop beep!
MICHELLE: What did she say?
HEATHER: She said, "Shut up, at least you’re not f***ing beeping all the time".
MICHELLE: Well, faithful droids, we will send you off into cyberspace and hopefully you will be able to reach help! The Anti-Boarders must be stopped! (Pod sent off into cyberspace, enter DARTH LARRY)
DARTH LARRY: Princess! Where are the plans for the Anti-Board?
MICHELLE: I will tell you nothing! We are on a diplomatic mission to…
DARTH LARRY: Liar! Take this traitor away!
(Meanwhile, in a nice village in cyberland)
BAGEL: Ozzie, oh Ozzie! Come out from working out there, we need your help.
OZ: Yes, Bagel. Coming, dear.
F=J: Daddy! Wanna see my new atom desintigrator? I can make everything around my explode by itself! Neat, huh?
OZ: Great, sweetie. But you never play with your other weapons anymore. I’m starting to wonder why I even bought you that Quad-missile launcher.
F=J: You know I play with that all the time! I just blew up someone’s car the other day. Oh, yeah, he was pretty mad thought.
OZ: What did you do?
F=J: I blew him up.
OZ: That’s my girl.
(Suddenly, a pod crashes into the Oz family backyard)
NYX: Beep boop beep.
HEATHER: I know that frilly lace underwear makes you feel pretty, but it’s just not in our budget anymore…Oz! Hello!
OZ: Heather? Princess Michelle let you out of the cybership to hang with the locals?
HEATHER: We’re actually on a mission. Princess Michelle has been taken by Darth Larry.
OZ: No! Someone has to save her!
(Suddenly, an image of PRINCESS MICHELLE emerges from NYX)
PRINCESS MICHELLE: Help me, Wolfie Wan Wolfinski, you’re my only hope…
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