Board Wars
Written by: OztheVampireSlayer
Disclaimer: I am a poor, poor white boy. Any resemblence to "Star Wars" is PURELY coincidental, I assure you. I own the Spoiler Board regulars. They ARE my property.
(Our heroes reach the space ship where Princess Michelle is being held)
HEATHER: Can I just tell you how wonderful it is to come here to this hellhole? I’m REALLY enjoying myself.
NYX: Beep boop beep.
HEATHER: Hey, Oz can’t help it. Lots of people were born looking like flattened pound scum that just got run over by an eighteen wheeler…okay maybe it IS just him.
G-MAN: So, I just get to sit here and get paid, right?
XW: I get the feeling women say that to you a lot, G.
WOLFIE: We’re about to go on a life-or-death mission, risking life and limb, and YOU wanna sit around here eating (picks up a bag) a bag of second rate, not even brand name, K-Mart PORKRINDS????
G-MAN: Well, there was a Blue Light Special!
WOLFIE: Get out there! (tosses G-MAN out of the plane)
XW: I still get the porkrinds, right? (WOLFIE tosses XW out of plane)
(Enter DARTH LARRY)
DARTH LARRY: You must die!
OZ: No, not really.
DARTH: Yes-huh! You do!
OZ: Nope. What do you think, all? I’m thinking no to the whole ‘death’ thing.
WOLFIE: Nah.
G-MAN: No, I think not.
XW: Mmmmm…porkrinds.
OZ: Well, there you have it: Death is a no.
DARTH LARRY: But I’m evil!
OZ: In all honesty, I wasn’t convinced. I saw MUCH better work from Darth Scott A. Now THERE was evil.
DARTH LARRY: What? Darth Scott A.? He was better than me? I’m going to go kick his ass!
OZ: Man, evil just ain’t what it used to be.
(Our heroes head to PRINCESS MICHELLE’S cell…ha ha, "Michelle’s cell, that rhymes…)
OZ: Princess Michelle, we’re here to save you!
MICHELLE: Lord help me…THIS is the best they could do? Oh well, who’d I expect? James Marsters?
G-MAN: DA-YUM! She’s a hottie!
(All of a sudden, a holographic image of EVIL-WILLOW comes out and bitchslaps G-MAN)
EW: Eyes in your head, G!
G-MAN: I hate it when that happens.
HEATHER: So we going to sit around here and get killed, or are we going to do some rescuing?
NYX: Beep.
HEATHER: I know. I kick ass.
(Our heroes head back to the Millenium F***’em, but are cut off by Darth Larry)
DARTH LARRY: That was NOT cool, guys! Someone’s going to die! I mean it this time.
HEATHER: Oz, your foreshadowing is a little on the blunt side.
G-MAN: Which side is that?
XW: Ick. So, are we going to deal with the evil? Wait, no one can understand me. So…You all suck ass!
(Suddenly, an image of the EMPORER appears)
HEATHER: Wait a sec, I know that furry face…it’s…
OZ: SPOT!!!!!
DARTH LARRY: What is thy bidding, my master?
SPOT: That’s right I’m your master, bitch! You are my bitch!
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