This is my personal statement for the most recent project, the project at Arkansas Children's Hospital, Little Rock. This is where we're supposed to talk about something that was important to us, or be creative in a manner relating to the last project, or put the pen to paper and create some form of art which symbolizes our feelings towards the project in general. The problem is that I can't think of anything to write about. I was going to do a comic book, but I like to do things well, and with the deadline for this stuff in two and a half hours, there just isn't time to do a proper comic book. It was going to be good, too, about the adventures of fly man, as Dedric called me, and how he fought the forces of the evil RoboVampire, his arch nemesis. Someone suggested stick figures, but no one wants to read a stick figure comic book. So there I was, sitting in the library waiting for inspiration for this statement to hit me in the head, and reading Fletch to keep me busy until then, when who should walk through the door but Channing. Which was cool, he's a cool guy and everything, but he wasn't very inspirational. I realized at that moment, that inspiration wasn't going to come from an outside source, it was time to do some serious soul searching, some introspective thought, to find out who I really was. However, there wasn't enough time to hire a private detective, so I had to instead come up with another plan.
As we all know, the only viable way to do some serious soul searching is through the use of the Soul-Search-O-Matic. I didn't have one handy, but ten minutes on the internet and I had downloaded the blueprints and was working. Of course, I soon realized that the process of building said O-Matic would take longer than the allotted time for the creation of my masterpiece, so I also commenced work on a time machine, so I could finish my reflection anytime I wanted and still get it in on time. This is a technique that college students have been using for years. Or forever, depending on what you think about time travel. Anyway, I downloaded the plans for that too, and not too long into our trip to Mississippi I had completed both the O-Matic and the Time machine and was ready to start on my personal statement.
The Soul-Search-O-Matic is actually a very difficult machine to use. I had to plug the wires directly into my brain, which can be difficult at times since my brain has no noticeable input jacks. Since I didn't want to go rooting around in my head with a pitchfork, I instead downloaded a bunch of drivers for the Pineal-port, and soon had a psychic connection with my machine up and running. From the moment I turned it on, my world changed.
The walls melted, my feet fell off, the room got so big that it was crushing me. I fell upwards, ever increasing in speed, at the measured rate of 9.8 m/s/s and soon landed at the top of the floor, back in Arkansas. It took me a moment to get my bearings because, of course, I wasn't actually in Arkansas, I was in the weird, mind-trip version of Arkansas that only my deranged imagination could come up with.
The point is that this was a great project and it's difficult to put that into words. The end.