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Top Secret! Quotes
"Do you know any good white basketball players?"

"There are no good white basketball players my friend!"
"You dropped your phony dog pooh."

"What phony dog pooh!?!"
"Who do you favor in the Virginia Slims Tournament?"

"In women's tennis I always root against the heterosexual."
"My uncle was born in America."

"Oh, Really?"

"But he was one of the lucky ones. He managed to escape in a balloon during the Jimmy Carter presidency."
Hillary: (talking about her uncle)
"He would tell me about how the young poeple waste their time watching television and listening to Rock n' Roll music."

"What's wrong with television?"

Here you have to keep in mind that Nick is a Rock n' Roll star.
"It just seem like the young people of America take their freedom for granted."

"Now wait a minute. I don't think you're being fair. You know, my history class once spent an entire week in Philadelphia."
"(Speaking German)"

"I'm sorry, I don't know any German."

"That's allright, I know a little German, he's sitting over there!"
"What do you recommend?"

"I recommend the pork bellies marinated in diced pig entrails or the roast swine knuckles poached with flaming hog balls."
"Hillary, that's an unusual name?"

"It's a German name, it means: She whose bosoms defy gravity."

"I'm please to meet you, my name is Nick."

"Nick, what does that mean?"

"Nothing, my dad thought of it while he was shaving."
"Are you in some kind of trouble with the police?"

"Somethings are better left unsaid."

"Like what?"

"Well, you know, sometime when you blow your nose into a tissue and you put it in your purse, then a little while later you have to reach in there for your lipstick or something and your hand gooshes ..."

"OK! OK! You're right, somethings are better left unsaid."
After Nick pushed an assailant off the balcony.
"Come on, let's get out of here!"

"Don't you think we should wait for the police?"

"That was the police!"
Martin the manager coming to see Nick in his cell.
"Nick, I've tried everything: the embassy, the German government, the consulate, I even talked to the U.N. embasador, it's no use, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm."
The priest is walking in front of Nick on their way to the electric chair.
"In domini patrum, spiritos mortrium dios madre. Ominia, Gallias, Divisa est en tres partes. Corpus dilecti. Quid pro quo. Veni vidi vici. No lo contendre. Habeas corpus. Rick Dureus. Ipzo facto. Pro forma pari passu. Hic hick hoc, huius , huius, huius. E Pluribus Unum. Oryay owingay ootay ehtgay. Eyedfray in the airchay. Tempus fugit. Caveat emptor. Coitus interruptus. Mitzi Gaynor ad nauseum, Amen."
Von Horst: (picking up the phone)
"It is the hospital meine General."

General Streck: (taking the phone)
"What is the condition of Sergent Krugger? Yes... I see... Well, let me know if there is any change in his condition."

General Streck: (talking to people in the room)
"He's dead!"
General Streck talking to Nick.
General Streck:
"Your friend (Martin) didn't realize that here in East Germany we use 220 Volts current. He was found in his hotel room impaled on a large electrical device. Our surgeon did what they could but it took them 2 hours just to get the smile off his face."
Von Horst talking about the torture of Nick.
Von Horst:
"They're still working on him. They've tried everything. He won't break. Do you want me to bring out the Leroy Neiman paintings?"

General Streck:
"No, we cannot risk violating the Geneva convention."
Dr. Flammond:
"A year ago, I was close to perfecting the first magnetic desalinization process. So revolutionary, it was capable of removing the salt of over 500 million gallons of sea water a day. Do you realize what that could mean to the starving nations of the earth."

"Wow, they would have enough salt to last them forever."
Dr. Flammond:
"They are holding my daughter and they'll kill her unless I complete the Polaris mine by sunday."

"Sunday? That's Simchas Torah."
Dr. Flammond:
"You must go now, if they discover you've seen this (the Polaris mine), your life is worth less than a truck load of dead rats at a tampon factory."
Top Secret! What you might have missed
The following are things that are not obvious (I tried to skip the obvious) that you might have missed when you watched Top Secret!. The timming data is relative to the begining of the tape, so it might vary a bit.
0:01:58 German soldier ties up his motorcycle like a horse.
0:02:15 German soldier takes off his hat and the straps stay on his face.
0:02:23 The header on the sheet of paper read: "East Germany: Better Government through Intimidation".
0:02:31 The stamp reads: "Find Him and Kill Him".
0:04:22 A stuffed dog is pulling the bathing suit off a cardboard kid.
0:05:23 A girl leaves an imprint of her breast in the sand has she lifts her head.
0:06:10 An old granny is running with a surfboard.
0:07:10 Martin the manager is reading The Daily Oppressor with headline: "Die Festalatin culturen eine big dealen".
0:07:40 The sign in front of the German checkpoint is "Eingang".
0:08:22 There is a small white dog amongst the big police dogs.
0:09:59 There is a sign on the side of the German checkpoint as it rolls away that says: "KÔstoms Vagon".
0:15:00 The Hotel is called "Gey Schluffen".
0:15:30 Nick sticks his gum under the passing water's tray.
0:16:20 Nick is in boxer shorts and tux in the back room.
0:18:22 The letter that has to be in New York by Tuesday is a "Publisher Clearing House" sweepstake.
0:25:06 The cook is holding a dead chicken as he's rockin' to the music.
0:27:05 Hillary gives Cedric an "Hawaiian Punch" instead of Oil.
0:28:50 In the theatre booth the men are passing a Coke and a Hot Dog behind Nick.
0:30:00 There is a Janitor behind the door labeled "Janitor".
0:30:07 There are tons of propellers in the room labeled "Prop Room".
0:30:25 There are mice in the top view of the street (including one in a nasty accident).
0:31:53 There is a food processor on the shelf behind Nick (in the cell).
0:34:20 The New York Post headline is "Maniac Stalks Olivia Newton-John".
0:36:00 The book that the General is reading is titled "Hermann Goering's Workout book" and has a picture of a full dressed German officer doing exercices.
0:36:00 There are 2 pyramids in the scenery out of the window.
0:36:23 The General gets up but the boots stay on the desk.
0:36:47 The food processor is gone from the shelf.
0:37:37 The heat vent hatch hits Nick on the head and then slowly closes.
0:38:50 The calendar has a picture of naked girl in a lab and is from the "ACME LAB EQUIPMENT". Also the month is "Septhauzen".
0:39:40 The commander of the submarine in the background also raises his hands.
0:39:50 The pyramids are gone.
0:40:30 The banners read: "Velcome Neek".
0:41:18 Nick mic extends to unatural lenght.
0:46:38 Flying humans land on a big Pigeon statue.
0:46:58 A big chunk of dung falls of the Pigeon.
0:47:07 The bookstore is called "Sven Jorgensen" and it says "Rare Sweedish books".
0:47:10 The entire scene in the bookstore was shot backward.
0:47:47 One of the book featured is titled "Lesbian Bars".
0:48:55 Junk food from McDonald's on the floor including: a Big Mac, a Cheeseburger and an apple pie.
0:49:00 The erotic book that Hillary is reading is tittled "Snow White".
0:53:38 There are two fireplaces.
0:55:10 Avant-Garde is holding a soup spoon as a weapon, and is wearing a vest full of utensils.
0:56:45 Avant-Garde is not wearing his vest anymore.
0:58:35 Deja-vu is packing a curler, Head & Shoulder, Pepto-Bismol, a blowdryer and a beaseball mit.
0:59:22 A sign says: "Fallout Shelter" and has the radiation logo on it.
1:00:45 Avant-Garde adds an extra point to the Fussball table.
1:02:53 The Restaurant is named "Der Pizza Haus".
1:03:09 As they enter, they check their guns on the coatrack.
1:03:25 The clock is a picture of Hittler with his hands to indicate the time.
1:04:00 The people behind Nick are having a major problem with the cheese on their pizza.
1:07:42 You can see the strings to help Val Kilmer walk on the wall.
1:07:48 The guys are swinging the girls around like puppets.
1:08:36 The plane says: "U-Haul Adventure in moving".
1:08:39 Deja-vu jumps out off the plane with a Duty Free bag.
1:10:21 The cows walk inside the binoculars.
1:13:38 Nick asks them to be silent, after that, all the walking noises stop.
1:13:56 The Rolex watch is huge (this is a parody of The Guns of Navarone).
1:14:20 The sign in the shed says: "Das Fencen Switchen".
1:17:37 The sign in the tunnel says: "New Jersey, 2 Miles".
1:19:28 They put a pillow behind the wounded's head.
1:23:45 Hillary's breasts are on high beam.
1:23:56 Chocolate Mousse and Deja-vu are playing darts on the plane's fuselage.

Learn German from Top Secret!

Top Secret Sounds

In addition to the normal .wav files, some sounds are also available in TrueSpeech format. They're indicated by a TrueSpeech next to the .wav file name. These are compressed files that don't sound as good, but will play in real time, as you download them, so you can preview the sounds before comitting to a long download of the .wav file. To hear them in real time, you'll first need to download and install the
TrueSpeech Audio Player. It's available for all Windows and Mac platforms.

Select the file name to download the .wav file, or the TrueSpeech preview to hear a preview in real time.
rult.wav (72K) 8kHz sample(tsp wav format!) 69sec TrueSpeech
NICK: "Are you lonely tonight..."

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