The posse are meaner than ever before. The crew enter an AR simulated Western to save themselves from a deadly computer virus. (from: 'GUNMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE')

Suck my thermos! Duane Dibbley (Danny John-Jules) gets to grips with the Emohawk. (from: 'EMOHAWK: POLYMORPH II')

The future Red Dwarf Rimmer (Chris Barrie) and Cat (Danny John Jules) take time out before blasting the current crew out of the skys. (from: 'OUT OF TIME')

EPISODE GUIDE

PSIRENS: 200 years have passed since the end of Red Dwarf V. Lister has been in deep sleep and now he has woken up, he can't remember a thing. He thinks he's a bad guitar player, that his cornflakes with grated onions are disgusting and even that Rimmer is his best mate... However, Kryten soon has his memory back and he's drinking Tobassco sauce again for breakfast.
Rimmer reiterates the dire situation. Red Dwarf has been lost, stolen by forces unknown after Lister forgot where it was parked during their excursion to the S.S.S. Esperanto (well, it was one of those little moons somewhere...) Now the crew are in Starbug and are chasing its vapour trail and after 200 years they finally have a chance to catch it. However, this involves travelling through an asteroid belt and Rimmer is not too pleased. But life on Starbug is a battle for survival, and Kryten reiterates it is imperative they reunite with Holly ASAP and find out who stole Red Dwarf.
Inside the asteroid belt, the crew uncover a ship graveyard and decide to investigate. On one of the may deserted ships they discover a black box recording showing a member of the crew being seduced by a slobbering mutant and then having his brain removed through a straw. Kryten deducts that the creatures are Psirens, like those out of mythology which lure their prey into an early grave by appealing to their desires. A distress call comes through from some beautiful woman begging the crew for sex, and the Cat wants to oblige but is convinced it is a trap set by the Psirens. The crew realise that each temptation will be directed at a specific crew member, and if that obvious rouse tempted the Cat then they are in BIG trouble! Lister's temptation is next, in the form of a communication from Kristine Kochanski who tells him she is on a nearby ship with their children, Jim and Bexley, but the rest of the crew save him by convincing him it too is a fake.
Then an asteroid is on collision course, but Kryten is sure it's a fake. The asteroid passes through them, making Kryten go into 'Smug Mode'. When another asteroid appears, Rimmer assures the crew it is fake as well, just as it crashes into them and they plummet to the ground. Lister goes out to repair the damage and is seduced by a Psiren posing as Pete Tranter's Sister, an object of Lister's teenage desires. However, Kryten saves him but when he begins acting oddly, Lister works out he is a Psiren too. Lister repairs Starbug and gets on board, but then so does a second Lister.
Knowing one of them must be a Psiren, the crew interrogate them. They are exactly the same, until they are asked to play the guitar and when one Lister can do it like the most skilled guitarist, it is obvious he is a Psiren who has read Lister's mind (which is convinced Lister is a great guitarist). However, the Psiren escapes and when Kryten pursues, it appears as his creator, Dr. Mamet and forces Kryten to be crushed since he cannot disobey his creator’s orders. When Cat and Lister follow, it poses as a Drinks Machine and goes for the kill. However, the crushed Kryten saves them by throwing himself onto the Psiren. The monsters are dead, but Red Dwarf is still out there and the crew set off in pursuit....

LEGION: When Starbug is caught in a tractor beam and transported to a seemingly abandoned space station, the crew have to try and work out what's going on. They are approached by a being called Legion, who is far advanced in terms of science and technology. He proves himself by altering Rimmer's lightbee and converting him to a 'hard light' hologram who can touch and eat, and after realising Lister is in pain he diagnose appendicitis and removes his appendix as the crew stand and watch in amazement.
The being, called Legion, is a master of the arts and clearly experienced in a great deal of areas and therefore the crew are desperate for him to join them in their journey. However, their less than refined eating manner fails to impress and Legion has other ideas, he wants them to stay with him forever on the space station. He has prepared their rooms, each one with the exact things that person likes most. Lister finds a cold pair of trainers and a sugar puff sandwich awaiting him. They realise they are all little more than prisoners and despite the luxury of their surroundings, decide wisely that Legion is a maniac and they have to try and escape.
However, even with the most ingenious escape plan they can devise, stolen off one of Lister's horror movies, Legion knows exactly what they are doing. (He's obviously seen that movie before) However, in the struggle his mask falls off and it is revealed who he really is. Legion is a being designed to consist of the minds of the people in the vicinity. he is only alive when their are minds in the vicinity for himself to be modelled on, which explains his insistence for them to stay. Legion is the combined minds of the whole crew, and as he points out, their combined anger too. So much so, that he goes into a frenzy which could kill them.
Kryten formulates a plan which involves knocking the crew members unconscious, but it's hard for Rimmer who is almost indestructible. With only Kryten left, the creature is now only made up of his conscious and therefore a mechanoid who must serve humans. As Kryten takes his crew members back to the ship, he wonders if there are any scientific wonders on the station to help the crew. Legion gives him a Star Drive which can speed their recovery of Red Dwarf. However, just like everything else the crew find, it doesn't work and instead blows a large hole in Starbug. Sometimes even teamwork doesn't quite pay off....

GUNMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE: Lister is using an Artificial Reality computer games system the crew found on a nearby planet, but his only desire is to use it to have sex with the charters in the games. Upon realising that he is needed, Kryten has to enter the game to get Lister out (much to his disappointment, he was just getting to know a charming mass murderer....). Starbug has ventured into Simulant space and is in great danger. Reluctantly, Lister leaves his woman and joins the crew in the cockpit.
Unfortunately, he has tarried too long and a Simulant battle cruiser is in the area and even Lister's quick thinking and 'ingenious' disguise can't save the craft from being boarded by a Simulant, a mass murdering robot killing machine who hates humans. However, instead of killing them it knocks them out and they wake up two weeks later in a vastly upgraded ship armed with laser cannons. The Simulants intend to use them for sport, hoping they'll flee and be chased to their deaths. But the Cat thinks they should attack, it's what the Simulants will least expect! Lister and Kryten agree, much to the Cat's surprise ("You're going with one of MY plans? Are you guys nuts?"). But thanks to some sharp shooting from Lister, they manage to score a fluke hit and destroy the Simulants. However, the Simulants have one last trick and before going to Silicon Hell, had time to transmit an Armageddon Virus into the Navigation system and now Starbug is locked on course straight into a nearby moon. Kryten has a solution, he must contract the virus and fight it by creating a dove program to cure it. Kryten does this, and the crew watch his dreams. Kryten's body has converted the fight against the virus into a dream set in a western town where Kryten is a sheriff who is wanted by the Apocalypse Brothers. Realising Kryten is losing the battle, the crew decide to plug him into the Artificial Reality machine and join in his dream as characters in a computer game.
Rimmer becomes Dan McGrew, bare fist fighter. Lister is Brett Riverboat, knife man and the Cat is the Riviera Kid, ace gunslinger. Inside Kryten's dream, they soon meet the locals and find their skills of much use in saving Kryten's neck from an annoyance named Jimmy and a rather large fellow called Bear Strangler MaGee. The fight is having a bad effect on Kryten, though, he is stone drunk. They try to sober him up (he's as drunk as a skunk) but the Apocalypse Brothers arrive for the showdown.
The crew are confident in their skills, but the virus has other ideas, infected the AI machine and deleting all the charters' special skills. Unaware of this turn of events, Rimmer challenges Brother War to a duel, but soon realises he can do nothing except clap his hands and get hit by a stick. Upon realising that their skills are gone, quickly he and the others remove their helmets and leave the game. Kryten is alone but their efforts have given him enough time to be able to create a dove program and cure the virus. The crew immediately change Starbug's course but cannot stop plummeting into the lava moon...but do enough to plunge outwards with a mighty chorus of "Yee-ha!"

EMOHAWK: POLYMORPH II: Rimmer is less than pleased with the crew's disobedience to his orders, why is it that an immediate scramble which should be a matter of life or death takes over an hour? However, this is soon irrelevant when a law enforcement droid appears and after much frantic translation of its strange dialogue, threatens to kill them.
The crew, as usual, realise their best chance of survival is retreat and so immediately fly towards GELF space, knowing that they won't be followed. However, in the process they gain a large missile hole in the ship. After losing control they crash into an ocean moon. The damage is huge, even Lister's guitar didn't survive intact (well, it might have done if the Cat didn't break it over his leg after the crash) and after revealing the Oxygen Generation Unit is totally annihilated, they realise the only way to escape will be to trade with the GELFs.
The tribe on this planet, the Kinitawowi, are a tribe of extremely hairy and slimy GELFs who are quite responsive, and soon make their demands. It isn't the Levi Jeans and cigars they're interested in, however. In exchange for the ship parts, they want Lister to marry the chief's daughter, who has a name which sounds like a footballer clearing his nose. Lister objects but after much threatening from his crewmates, realises he has no choice, and the ceremony goes ahead. However, when faced with the prospect of a wedding night with his bride, he decides to slip into something more comfortable, it's called Starbug. The crew run back to the ship, but are pursued by the chief's pet, an Emohawk which is a Polymorph, like the one they met 203 years ago back on Red Dwarf (see Red Dwarf III).
They think they are safe after closing the airlock, but it has followed them on board and soon make its mark by feeding on the Cat's style and turning him into Duane Dibbley. Rimmer thinks he is clever enough to get rid of it, but it catches him too, taking his negativity and turning him into Ace Rimmer. Ace takes charger and decides he and Duane must sacrifice themselves for Lister's sake. He locks the unaffected crew members in the engine room and tells them he and Dwayne will sacrifice themselves for the good of the mission. However, Kryten thinks they have a better chance if they handle it together and try to freeze the Emohawk. In the engine room, a nervous atmosphere makes everyone suspicious, particularly Duane who now has two thermos flasks. Realising one is the Emohawk, he tosses it away as it turns into a hand grenade. Ace bravely covers the blast, even though it could have killed him. Still, at least the beast is frozen and the crew can be restored to normal. that's assuming they can get free from the freeze gas which Duane accidentally sprayed them with....

RIMMERWORLD: Rimmer is told he is on the verge of a hologramitic equivalent of a heart attack by Kryten, and he must rest and avoid stressful situations at all costs. However, Lister's idea of looting the Simulant ship they destroyed a couple of weeks ago, ('Gunmen of the Apocalypse') does nothing for Rimmer's condition. Risk being torn limb from limb just so Lister's final remaining taste bud can be appeased? Not only that, the fuel supplies on Starbug have gone and Lister didn't tell any of them because he didn't want to worry anybody. With this revelation, the crew have less choice than a Welsh fish and chip shop, and have to go on board the Simulant ship in the hope of finding fuel and that all the Simulants died in the explosion.
The crew are in luck for the first part, finding not only supplies but also a fully functioning teleporter. Unfortunately, one of the Simulants has survived and she is only interested in killing them all, and the Cat is only interested in telling her that he is, in fact, wearing a different outfit from their last encounter. Rimmer decides to do the normal thing, and to the disbelief of the crew runs away at the first available opportunity and flees in an escape pod, causing the ship to disintegrate.
The rest of the crew quickly teleport away but arrive on an earlier version of Starbug, butting in on their past selves. Changing the configuration, they then teleport to Starbug and escape. Rimmer radios the crew in triumph that his 'little rouse' successfully allowed the crew to escape, enquiring as to when the hero will be saved. Unfortunately for him, he is accelerating away from them and towards a wormhole in space. Lister and the Cat are ecstatic to hear that although Rimmer will only be missing for a few hours whilst they follow in pursuit, from Rimmer's point of view it will be six hundred years before he is rescued. Kryten suggests they could try and shoot him down ("Make an orderly queue behind the gunsight!") but it comes to no avail. Rimmer tries to calm down, but soon looses contact with the crew as he passes through the wormhole.
On the planet where he lands, Rimmer is able to make a fertile atmosphere for himself and begins an attempt to make a clone of himself in female form for company. However, it goes wrong and he only makes an exact clone of himself. Six hundred years later, the crew arrive to find themselves arrested for trespassing by Rimmer.....and another Rimmer....and a whole army of Rimmers. The are taken to the lead Rimmer, but it isn't their Rimmer and he orders them to be burned at the stake for being 'un-Rimmer like'. Every single being on the planet is Rimmer, and they are a whole race of vicious backstabbers. The crew are thrown in a cell with another Rimmer, who turns out to be their Rimmer. He has been locked up for 600 years in his own personal hell after creating a society populated entirely by him. Lister decides they must escape and devises an elaborate pulley making, guard beating, sword-fighting manoeuvre. Although Kryten suggests that maybe the teleporter might be the better idea.
The crew escape with the teleporter, but arrive on a different version of themselves again. Lister happily informs the other Rimmer of his impending 600 years of misery, but this version of themselves is from the future, and they are far more concerned about something terrible which has happened to Lister, who is not present. The crew teleport out, and Lister is forced to wait to see what fate will befall him.

OUT OF TIME: Everyone is depressed at their boring existence, they have now lost any trace of Red Dwarf's vapour trail and not even Rimmer's barrage of insults at the weekly Morale Meeting seems to help, but before they can wallow in self pity they enter a strange gas cloud and hit something in the air. Lister is knocked unconscious and Kryten examines him, only to discover that not only is Lister a droid, but also an inferior model to him. Kryten surmises that Lister wiped his memory after his form of droids were discontinued. Kryten decides to tell Lister the truth and when Lister wakes up, Kryten informs him he now outranks him and Lister is sent to prepare some tea and clean his own long-johns.
However, Kryten's new status is short lived when it turned out the thing Starbug hit was a Reality Pocket, a type of space which created a false reality making them believe Lister was a droid. As Kryten begins to beg forgiveness, Starbug his another pocket of reality, and the Cat is erased from existence even though he is still present in the cockpit. After escaping this bubble, Rimmer thinks they should turn around, they can't think straight in the weirdness but Kryten has a better idea. They can go into stasis for the duration of the journey through the gas cloud in the deep sleep chambers.
They wake up to find themselves in the centre of the Reality Pockets and find themselves near an experimental ship which is capable of time travel. The ship, knowing its awesome time drive had to be protected, had laid the gas cloud there to stop intruders. The crew realise that they can strip out the time drive and, hey presto!, they now have a time machine!
However, on a quick jaunt to the fifteenth century they find they're just sitting in space. Even though they can travel in time, they cannot travel through space and end up exactly in the same place, abliet in medieval times.
The drive appears to be useless, but then a vessel appears nearby. It's a future version of Starbug and they need the present version's help. Kryten communicates with the future crew and then tells the Dwarfers they must not meet their future selves and locks them upstairs for the duration, leaving Lister with a meal containing all his favourite things and a lot of tears. Lister wants to know why Kryten is acting strangely around him and spies on the meeting. The future Rimmer is a fat hologram who is one meal short of becoming a sumo wrestler, the Cat is bald as a plucked chicken and Kryten has a toupee. Lister is shocked to find he is now only a brain in a jar after some sort of accident. Kryten, meanwhile, is shocked to find out that the future crew have used the time machine to socialise with people in history like Hitler and Louis XVI. They have become gluttons, criminals and downright disgusting.
Shocked at what they have become, Lister forces the future selves off the ship before they can get what they came for, parts of the time drive. The crew decide to try and break their destiny lines if only not to end up like their future selves. However, the future selves don't want to have their lives changed by a moralistic crew and decide if they won't be give what they want, they will destroy their past selves. Upon being asked to vote on a course of action, Rimmer shocks the crew by announcing they should fight. After all, better dead than smeg! The crew attack their future selves, but to no avail. The Cat, Lister and Kryten both die. The droid tries to tell Rimmer there is a way out of the situation before he dies and Rimmer races off to the cargo hold to destroy the time drive before the future selves kill him. However, with a vastly more powerful ship, the future selves fire a deadly shot at their past ship before Rimmer can act, destroying it and killing all on board. TO BE CONTINUED...

BEHIND THE SCENES

OTHER DWARF DEVELOPMENTS

© 1999 sculder_mully@oocities.com

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