208: Caroline and the Comic

Written by Marco Pennette & Fred Barron
Directed by Howard Deutch

Guest starring:
Judd Hirsch as Ben Karinsky
Bruce Kirby as Manny
Danny Dayton as Leo Ladman
Jack Carter as Himself
John Byner as Himself

ANNIE: Ooh, "Mirror Has Two Faces" has a showing in forty-five minutes at the Waverly. Can we make it?
CAROLINE: No no no, I've got a meeting with Del to go over these "Caroline" Easter cards. [She takes a bunch of cards out of a drawing folder.]
ANNIE: It's just Del! Blow him off!
CAROLINE: No, no, no! When it comes to work, Del takes things very seriously.

[Del and Charlie enter.]

DEL: Look, all I'm saying is, Yogi and BooBoo were not stealing!
CHARLIE: But the Ranger said 'Don't take the picnic basket'. What's that?
DEL: Foraging!

[He glances at the cards on the table.]

DEL: Let's go with that one. [to Charlie] Look, you can't impose human morals on animals!
CHARLIE: All I'm saying is, you put on the tie, you take on the morals!

[They exit.]

CAROLINE: See? The guys at Hallmark would never give me that kind of attention.

ANNIE: Yeah, hi! This is Annie Spadaro. Yeah, we ordered a pizza from you about twenty minutes ago. [She pauses to reapply her lipstick.] You sent Mario, right? ... Okay, thank you. [She hangs up.]
CAROLINE: Oh Annie, I hate Speedy's Pizza!
ANNIE: Yeah, well, wait 'til you meet the new delivery guy.

[She fixes her hair in a compact mirror. There is a knock at the door.]

ANNIE: He's here, he's here! Caroline, get the door! We're talking if Antonio Banderas and Alec Baldwin had a child. And, and, I don't think he wears underwear.

[Caroline opens the door. A really old guy is there.]

CAROLINE: Now that's an image I didn't need. [to the man] I'm sorry, can I help you?
LEO: [tired] You couldn't be on the ground floor?
CAROLINE: Uh, we have an elevator.
LEO: I know. I used it. I'm looking for little Richie Karinsky.
ANNIE: We got a bitchy Richie Karinsky...
LEO: You couldn't be on the ground floor?
CAROLINE: You said that already.
LEO: And I'll probably say it again.
CAROLINE: Richard's at lunch. Do you want to come in?

[Leo does so.]

CAROLINE: Who should I say is calling?
LEO: Leo Ladman. [He gives Caroline a business card.] I used to represent his father, Ben.
ANNIE: Richard had a father? I thought he was the result of an industrial accident.
CAROLINE: [reads] 'Ladman Theatrical Agency'.
LEO: [taking the card] I need that back. My printer died.
CAROLINE: You know, I thought Richard's father was a shoe salesman in Paramus.
LEO: Once, he was a big-time comic.

[Annie laughs.]

LEO: Richie's father was a very funny man.
CAROLINE: I guess humour must skip a generation.

[Richard enters carrying several bags and a pizza box.]

RICHARD: This was not in the job description. [He gives them the food.] Here, some guy in bicycle shorts asked me to bring this stuff up.
ANNIE: Bicycle shorts?

[She walks calmly to the door, then bolts. Richard finally notices Leo.]

RICHARD: Oh my god.
LEO: There he is! Little Richie! Give me your nose. Come on. [He tries to grab Richard's nose, but Richard protests.]
RICHARD: Alright, settle down. What are you doing here?
CAROLINE: Obviously, he's trying to get your nose.
LEO: I'm trying to reach your father. He keeps hanging up on me. Could you call him?
RICHARD: What for?
LEO: Well, they're tearing down the Meridian Theatre. Give me your nose. Come on. Give me your-

[Richard backs away again.]

RICHARD: Mr Ladman, come on.
LEO: Okay. They're having a big benefit, and they want to use all the old comics that played there.
CAROLINE: Wow! Richard's father was that big a deal?
LEO: Oh, there was a time you couldn't hear the name Alan King or Buddy Hackett without hearing the name Ben Karinsky.
CAROLINE: When was that?
RICHARD: Whenever Ben Karinsky was in the room.
LEO: He was a very funny man. I got him "The Flip Wilson Show". He did his classic Fatman sketch, remember?
CAROLINE: I was too young for "The Flip Wilson Show".
LEO: I was too young for the Civil War, but I remember it. Fatman. Like Batman, only fat. 'Hey, those look tasty!'
CAROLINE: [confused] Excuse me?
LEO: 'Hey, those look tasty!'

[Caroline looks at the food beside her on the counter.]

CAROLINE: Uh...you want some pizza?
LEO: No. 'Hey, those look tas'-
RICHARD: [exasperated] Oh, it was my father's catch phrase! Play along, alright? Look, Mr Ladman, it was very kind of you to drop by, but uh...
LEO: Aw, Richie, be a good boy. Call your father.
RICHARD: No, I'm going to be a good boy and not call him. My father's been retired from show business for twenty years. He is better off selling shoes.
LEO: It's only one performance!
RICHARD: It was only supposed to be one performance at amateur night thirty years ago. But he got up there, he made a couple of drunks laugh, next day he quit his job, and boom, he thought he was a comic.
LEO: Hey, it was more than a couple of drunks.
RICHARD: Mr Ladman, let's just let sleeping dogs lie.
LEO: Richie...
RICHARD: Mr Ladman.
LEO: Okay. I tried. [He walks towards the door.] Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap, and I'd like to be home before it happens.

[He just about exits, then turns back.]

LEO: Richie, Richie.
RICHARD: Huh?

[Leo grabs Richard's nose.]

LEO: Got your nose! [He laughs, then exits.]

ANNIE: I'm not even sure if this is the right bus to get to Paramus. [pointing to a mark on the map] We are here...
CAROLINE: That's a bullet hole.
ANNIE: We should be some place else...
CAROLINE: It's easy. You take the one-oh-four uptown, the five crosstown, we jump on the fast train, and then we transfer-
ANNIE: Is it really worth doing all this just to meet Richard's father?
CAROLINE: You can ask him if Richard was a bed wetter.

[Annie's eyes light up.]

ANNIE: [calls out] Taxi! My treat.

CAROLINE: [quietly] You think that's Richard's dad?
ANNIE: Nah, doesn't look like Richard.
MANNY: Can I help you?
CAROLINE: Oh no, we're just looking.
MANNY: [pointing to the counter] Well, if you steal anything, I've got a bat under here. [He sits down and reads a newspaper.]
CAROLINE: Sounds like him, though.
ANNIE: [pointing to Manny] Nah, he's too nice.
CAROLINE: Uh, excuse me. Does a Ben Karinsky work here?
MANNY: He's here every day. I don't know how much he works.

[Ben enters.]

BEN: That's the last time I eat at Tubby's. There was so much hair in the soup, I didn't know whether to eat it or give it a shampoo. [He looks at Manny, who is unmoved.] Nothing.
ANNIE: [quietly, to Caroline] I think we've found our man.
MANNY: Ben, you were supposed to be back twenty minutes ago.
BEN: Yeah, and you were supposed to be a beautiful blonde. We all have our disappointments.
CAROLINE: Excuse me, are you Ben Karinsky?
BEN: Uh, no, I'm Jimmy Hoffa. I've been hiding out here. So, what kind of shoes are you looking for?
CAROLINE: Oh, I'm not here to buy shoes.
BEN: Well, can I show you something in a '55 Buick?
ANNIE: I want to buy some shoes. I'd like to buy something in a size five. [She hands him a stiletto.]
BEN: I'd like to see something in a smaller foot, because you're never going to fit a five. [He goes to get another pair of shoes.]
CAROLINE: Uh, can I talk to you for a second? You see, your son Richard works for me.
BEN: Ah! You're the cartoonist?
CAROLINE: Oh, he told you about me? What did he say?
BEN: That you're a cartoonist.
ANNIE: Well, that's progress. Up until two months ago, he was telling everyone he worked at Dunkin' Donuts.

[Manny looks up from the paper.]

MANNY: Somebody's got donuts?
BEN: No, nobody's got donuts! No donuts! [to Annie] See what you did? You got him all worked up! [to Caroline] So, you know my son the painter, huh?
CAROLINE: Mm-hmm.
BEN: Tell me, is he drawing faces yet, or is he still with the colours and the nightmare stuff?
CAROLINE: Still pretty much nightmare stuff.
BEN: Well, as long as he's happy. So, what brings you to Paramus? Don't say you just wanted to see the ugliest freakin' place on Earth.
CAROLINE: You know, we were just curious to meet Richard's dad, see if he had any funny stories about him when he was a kid.
ANNIE: Yeah, like, was he a bed wetter?
BEN: A bed wetter? Was he ever! He had the only bed in town with a diving board.

[Caroline and Annie laugh.]

BEN: He was a late sleeper, he had to wait for the tide to go out. He didn't have a guardian angel, he had a lifeguard.
CAROLINE: Mr Ladman said you were funny, and you really are!
BEN: [looking at Manny] Yeah, well, tell him. Eleven years I've been working here, I never made him laugh once.
MANNY: I'm laughing on the inside. Outside, I'm reading the paper.
BEN: [to Caroline] So, you met my old agent, huh? Leo Ladman, yeah. Commission Impossible. I hope you didn't have to watch him eat.
CAROLINE: Actually, he's been trying to get a hold of you. He says you keep hanging up on him.
BEN: Yeah. Well, he calls me every couple of years, he wants me to emcee a bar mitzvah, open a supermarket, who needs that?
CAROLINE: Well, this time it's different. It's a big benefit.
ANNIE: [sing-song, under her breath] Caroline, none of your business!
CAROLINE: No no no, he's funny! He should hear about this! [to Ben] It's a big benefit, and they want you to do your Fatman sketch.
BEN: No, I'm not in show business anymore. I sell shoes.
MANNY: I'll believe that when I see it.
BEN: Hey Manny, pull up your pants another inch. I can still see your neck. [to Annie] Honey, have a seat.

[Annie sits down, and Ben starts fitting her shoes.]

BEN: Yeah, the Fatman sketch. I could always kill them with that Fatman sketch. 'Hey, those look tasty!' That was my catch phrase. It wasn't always Fatman. First it was Cupman. I used to get the villains with cups of coffee.

[Caroline and Annie look confused.]

BEN: That's what the audience's reaction looked like. Then there was The Incredible Hat. I could turn myself into any hat.
CAROLINE: How'd you do that?
BEN: I couldn't, but I think the audience sensed that.
CAROLINE: Well, you know what they say. Dying's easy, comedy's hard.
BEN: No, no, honey, comedy's a cinch. Squeezing a size five on to Sasquatch here, this is hard.

[Annie gives him a look.]

ANNIE: [to Caroline] Boy, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, now, does it?
BEN: Well, how do they fit?

[Annie gets up and limps around painfully.]

ANNIE: They fit fine! All I need is a shoe horn.
CAROLINE: You need more than the horn, you need the entire brass section.
BEN: Now, that's not bad! You ever think of selling shoes?
MANNY: [to Ben] Did you?
BEN: [to Annie] Let's try a size seven.
ANNIE: Alright.

[Ben starts fitting a different pair.]

BEN: So, when is this benefit thing?
CAROLINE: Uh, it's this Saturday night. Mr Ladman says a lot of the great old comics are going to be there.
BEN: Yeah well, I don't do that anymore. So where is it?
CAROLINE: The Meridian Theatre.
BEN: Oh, that toilet. I worked there in '65. I got two hundred dollars a week. That was when a week was ten days. Oh, cute story! [to Manny] I'm on break. [to Caroline and Annie] I played the Langly Theatre, a couple of blocks from the Meridian. It's Christmas Eve, 1969. One of these guys walks in. [He demonstrates by doing a hand signal, holding his nose and turning his head to the side.]
ANNIE: Oh, yeah...
BEN: Not a gangster, just a guy who likes to do this.

[He does the signal again. Manny starts laughing.]

BEN: Ah, finally! See? I made him laugh.
MANNY: [still laughing, to Caroline] The entire brass section! That's good!

CAROLINE: Not bad, huh? The whole brass section.
RICHARD: You know what? This could be too funny. Cab drivers could read this, start laughing so hard they go careening into pedestrians. Airline pilots could laugh so hard that they fly into a mountain.
CAROLINE: You usual 'I hate it' will do.

[Knock at door.]

RICHARD: Okay, I hate it.
CAROLINE: See? Was that so hard?

[Richard opens the door. Ben is there.]

RICHARD: Dad.
BEN: Ah, Richie, Richie, Richie! [pulling on Richard's ears] Who's the monkey? Who's the monkey?

[Richard protests.]

RICHARD: [reluctantly] I'm the monkey.
BEN: Don't worry, I'm not going to give you a hug. That might put a little colour in your face.
RICHARD: Dad, what are you doing here?
BEN: I just came by to tell you, I'm going to do the benefit at the Meridian...

[Caroline starts frantically waving her arms behind Richard's back to stop Ben from continuing.]

BEN: What is she doing, landing planes?

[Richard turns to face Caroline, who tries to act nonchalant.]

RICHARD: You called my father?
CAROLINE: I did not call your father.
BEN: No, she came down to the store.
CAROLINE: So there.

RICHARD: Caroline-
CAROLINE: Okay, okay, okay, before you yell, I just want you to know that when I was a child my parents abandoned me in the woods and I was raised by a tribe of busybodies.
RICHARD: My father tried to get a break as a comic for years, and he never made it. He was miserable, he made us miserable, my mother left him, and when he couldn't even get a booking at the Holiday Inn he sat around for two years in his bathrobe. You should have let him be. He was happy selling shoes. [He opens the apartment door.]
CAROLINE: He didn't look that happy.

[They go into the apartment. Ben is on the phone.]

BEN: Of course, we'll do the Fatman sketch. Unless you think the Last Supper sketch is more current.
CAROLINE: What's the Last Supper sketch?
RICHARD: He was the busboy at the Last Supper.
CAROLINE: I don't get it.
BEN: Of course you don't get it, the way Schmegeggie here told it. [on phone] You tell him I want my own dressing room. ... No no no, I'm not going to do it without my own dressing room! ... Alright, I'll still do it, but tell him I wanted my own dressing room. ... Yeah, I'll talk to you later. [He hangs up.] Okay! Alright! Your old man is back on the boards now, huh? They're putting me between Jack Carter and Freddie Roman. I'm going to kill! I going with the Fatman sketch. You remember that one?
RICHARD: Remember it? Please, I still wake up screaming the punchlines.
BEN: Great! Because you're going to do the sketch with me.
RICHARD: Isn't that sad? My father just had a stroke.
BEN: Come on! Who knows the sketch better than you? And will do it for free in two days. Alright, let's rehearse.
RICHARD: No, dad, I am not going to rehearse.
BEN: Come on, you've got to rehearse if you're going to be funny.
RICHARD: I am not interested in being funny!
CAROLINE: I've got to agree with Richard on this one.
BEN: Richard, come on, you're just scared. You what I always say? Once you get that first laugh, you're golden! Alright, you're Bullets, the villian.
RICHARD: Dad, you're not listening to me.
BEN: 'You know, Bullets, this town isn't big enough for the both of us.' And then you come in and you say-
RICHARD: [annoyed] Dad!
BEN: Come on, you say...
RICHARD: 'No, but your pants are.'
BEN: Great! Don't worry, we'll give you bran for two days.

[Caroline laughs, and Richard glares at her.]

CAROLINE: I'm sorry! He's funny, I've got to laugh.
BEN: Wait a minute, we need a girl for the sketch! You can be the girl.
CAROLINE: What? Me? I can't be a girl!
BEN: Don't worry, it's easy. [He wheels her into the middle of the room on her chair.] What you've got to do is be tied up in a chair and look scared.
CAROLINE: I've never acted before.
BEN: Come on! A pretty girl like you?
CAROLINE: Well, you know, once I understudied Ann Eller in the high school production of "Oklahoma".

[Ben starts taping her to the chair around her middle with masking tape.]

CAROLINE: Of course, I never went on. It was only two days. And since I'm taped to a chair, I might as well give it a try.
BEN: Don't worry, the girl is the easy part. All you need is a big pair of-
RICHARD: [sharply] Dad!
BEN: Earrings. A big pair of earrings.
CAROLINE: You mean like, double D-cup earrings?
BEN: Alright, you're tied to a chair, you've got ticking dynamite around your neck. And what you say is, 'You'll never get away with this, Bullets! Fatman will save me!'
CAROLINE: Okay. [overly dramatic] You'll never get away with this, Bullets! Fatman will save me! How's that?
BEN: That's great, if we were doing "The Crucible". Lighten up, see? Richard, come on. You're over here, and don't forget the tough guy voice.
RICHARD: Dad, I am not going to going to do the sketch!
BEN: This is the tough guy voice?
CAROLINE: Yep, that's it.
RICHARD: No no no, you two can do whatever you want, but I am not going to have any part in this, alright? Dad, look, I was there for you once. This time I am not going to stick around to pick up the pieces.
BEN: Oh, come on.
CAROLINE: You know, if someone would just untie me, I could give you some privacy.
BEN: [ignoring her] Come on, Richie, you're still mad, right? You're still mad because I was always on the road.
RICHARD: It has nothing to do with when you were on the road, alright? It has to do with when you were at home.

[Caroline awkwardly inches her way out towards the room behind the stairs, still taped to the chair.]

BEN: What are you talking about? I was always funny when I was at home!
RICHARD: Oh, you were. You were definitely funny. Like that joke you did when I got beat up in the school yard, or that one when my bike was stolen, or...hey Dad, remember the time I showed you my first painting? Remember what you said? 'Not bad, kid. Next time, try holding the brush in your hand, not your foot.'
BEN: No, that's not funny! What I said was, 'Not bad, kid. Next time, don't use your feet'. You see, that's funny.
RICHARD: No. No, that is not funny, Dad. That was NEVER funny, alright?! And now you're going to start this all again. It's all going to come crashing down. You're going to blame everybody around you and end up even more bitter than you were the last time this happened, and you know why, dad? Because you were NEVER FUNNY!

[pause]

BEN: I wasn't funny.

[He walks towards the door.]

BEN: I wasn't funny!
RICHARD: [quietly] Dad. No, look, Dad, that's not what I-
BEN: You know what? You can go to hell with the rest of them.

[He exits. Caroline wheels herself back into the room.]

CAROLINE: So how'd it go?
RICHARD: Fine. Let's get back to work.
CAROLINE: You know, Richard, you can't just pretend like nothing happened.
RICHARD: Caroline, that's the beauty of being repressed. I can.
CAROLINE: So, you going to untie me?
RICHARD: Not today.

CAROLINE: [melancholy] It's been two days. Richard won't talk to his father. He won't talk to me for talking to his father. His father won't talk to him...
REMO: Oh, that's okay. You talk enough for everyone.
ANNIE: So, you're still going to do the sketch with Richard's dad, huh?
CAROLINE: He's a sweet man. I can't bail on him. Plus, he gave me free shoes.
DEL: Hey, why does Richard care if his dad's not funny? I mean, no-one's dad is funny.
CAROLINE: Well, his dad's a comedian.
DEL: So what? You think Charlie Chaplin's kids thought Charlie Chaplin was funny? You think Bob Hope's kids think he's funny?
CHARLIE: You think BooBoo thought Yogi was funny?
DEL: What are you talking about? Yogi was not BooBoo's dad.
CHARLIE: Sure he was. They had the same last name - Bear!
DEL: That was not a last name! They were bears!

[Caroline and Annie get up from the table.]

CAROLINE: Okay, this is where we came in...

[They walk towards the door.]

REMO: Please, don't leave me here with them!

[They exit.]

CHARLIE: Okay, so what were they?
DEL: Friends.
CHARLIE: [skeptically] Who hung out together, without pants.
DEL: Yeah. Just like Rocky and Bullwinkle.
CHARLIE: But they were a couple!

[pause]

DEL: Don't talk to me.

CAROLINE: Okay, I'm going to the show. Your father's show. Your only living father's show. You've only got one dad, and I'm going to his show. So, see you tomorrow, Richard.

[She exits, then opens the door again.]

CAROLINE: [pointing to something on the fish tank] Okay, I got you a ticket. Use it or don't use it, it's none of my business.

[She exits, then enters.]

CAROLINE: Just for the record, that ticket cost a hundred and twenty five dollars, and I'm about to go on stage in a blonde wig and fake boobs in front of a thousand strangers, but hey, I don't need your support.

[She exits, then enters.]

CAROLINE: I'm really going now!

[She exits. Richard finally looks up from his work.]

JACK: A couple are in a restaurant having a wonderful dinner. All of a sudden, the guy starts sliding down in his seat. He gets lower and lower in his seat, and all of a sudden he goes underneath the table. The waiter comes over and says 'Lady, your husband just went under the table'. [in a woman's voice] 'No, my husband just came in front the door.'

[The audience applauds.]

JACK: Thank you, and good night!

[He walks to the side of the stage, and John Byner takes his place.]

JOHN: Wasn't he great? In fact, I never heard my act done so well.
JACK: [laughing] Hey, you've got a great delivery. It should be on a truck. [He exits.]
JOHN: Ladies and gentlemen, those of your who are fans of intelligent comedy, biting satire, it might be a good time to step outside for a cigarette, even if you don't smoke, because here is Ben Karinsky and his classic Fatman sketch!

[He steps aside as the curtains open. Caroline is tied to a chair in the middle of the stage, wearing her costume and holding a pie in each hand. There are sticks of dynamite strapped to her waist.]

CAROLINE: Oh dear, this dynamite's about to go off! [looking down] And I paid a lot of money for these!

[Cut to the audience. Everyone is laughing. Richard enters at the back of the room.]

CAROLINE: If only Fatman were here, the world's fattest super hero! With a little luck, and if he doesn't pass the donut stand, he'll be here. [cries out] Fatman! Fatman! Save me! Fatman!

[Ben bursts through a fake brick wall at the back of the stage, in a superhero fat suit.]

BEN: [looking at Caroline] Hey, those look tasty! Oh, and there's pies, too!

[He looks at the dynamite and starts to untie her.]

BEN: Uh-oh, you've got five minutes before this goes off. Unless it's daylight savings time, then we've got an hour and five minutes.

[He finishes untying Caroline, and she stands up.]

CAROLINE: Bullets Kellerman said you couldn't resist coconut creme pies.
BEN: Bullets Kellerman, my arch enemy?

[Manny enters, wearing a ganster costume and carrying a tommy gun.]

CAROLINE: There he is now!
BEN: Bullets, this town isn't big enough for the both of us.

[Manny looks out at the audience, and freezes.]

BEN: I said, Bullets...Bullets? Bullets! This town isn't big enough-

[Manny runs off stage.]

BEN: Bullets! [mutters] What the hell? [to Caroline] You know why this town isn't big enough for the both of us? Because I'm too fat!
CAROLINE: Well, how fat are you?
BEN: Boy, am I glad you asked! I'm so fat, a cop came up to me the other day and said 'Break it up!' I have a lovely sunken living room. Of course, it wasn't sunken until I moved in. You know what I had for breakfast? Lunch!
CAROLINE: Wow, that's fat!
BEN: [quietly] Please, I work alone.

[Cut to backstage. Richard walks up to Manny and takes his hat and gun.]

BEN: I don't want to say I'm fat, but I got my own electoral vote! I'm so fat, I'm getting hate mail from my colon. The worst part is, it's coming from another zip code.

[Richard walks on to the stage. Ben doesn't see him, but Caroline does. Richard shrugs at her.]

CAROLINE: Bullets is here again!
BEN: Ah! So, it's you!

[He turns to face Richard.]

BEN: [surprised] Oh, it's you! Oh...as I was saying, this town isn't big enough for the both of us.
RICHARD: No, but your pants are. So, Fatman, looks like you're retaining water.
BEN: I am, and it's called Lake Erie. What are you going to do now? You got bullets in there, Bullets?

ANNIE: Hey, Shecky. I heard Karinsky and Son was a big hit last night.
RICHARD: Oh yeah. Thanks to Caroline meddling in my life, I get to work with my father again next weekend.
ANNIE: Get out! He booked another club date?
RICHARD: No! Manny's stage fright aggrivated his ulcer. I have to fill in for him at the shoe store.
ANNIE: Good.

[She retrieves a pair of shoes from her apartment.]

ANNIE: Hey, can you return these for me? They're way too tight.

[They both go into Caroline's apartment. Caroline is on the phone, sitting at the desk facing away from them.]

CAROLINE: I'm sorry, I don't have them. I returned them with the wig and the rest of the costume. ... Well, maybe someone else lost them.

[She hangs up, then turns to face Richard and Annie. She is wearing the fake boobs under her sweater.]

RICHARD: Oh, you're still not wearing those things, are you?
CAROLINE: Wearing what?
RICHARD: Fine, it's your little fantasy world.
ANNIE: No, it's good! If the building goes down, we can use her as a flotation device.
CAROLINE: You guys are no fun.

[She pops the boobs with a pencil, then giggles.]