303: Caroline and the Novelist

Written by Brian Hargrove & Jack Kenny
Directed by Andrew Tsao

Guest starring:
Tony Carreiro as James Clark
Christine Romeo as Woman
Paul Hartel as Man
David Bottrell as Customer #2
Debbie Laumand-Blanc as Customer #3
Roger Keller as Customer #4

DEL: Okay, I don't care what they say. That little bastard Waldo is not in this picture.

CHARLIE: My fortune cookie says, 'Your true love is closer than you think'. Hmm, let's check the numbers on the back. Eleven, twenty-four, sixty-nine. Wow, maybe those are her measurements.

DEL: Yeah, nice low centre of gravity.

CAROLINE: Eleven twenty-four sixty-nine. Isn't that your birthday, Annie?

ANNIE: Yeah!

CHARLIE: Whoa. I got a fortune with your birthday on it. Do you know what that means? We're meant to be together! For the rest of our lives! It's a message from the universe! It's a sign, it's a prophecy!

ANNIE: [creeped out] It's a cookie!

CHARLIE: Call it what you want, I'm just glad you don't have a sixty-nine inch hiney.

CAROLINE: Okay, I think I got all your children. 'To Gretchen, Jim, Shaun, David, Jessie, Charlie, Alex, Alice, and Billy.' [she gives them the book] There you go. Oh, and in case you're interested, the family planning section is aisle eleven.

[the couple walk away; Del walks up to her carrying a book]

DEL: Wow, this Waldo guy really gets around!

CAROLINE: Del, look, are we almost done? I think my hand's starting to swell up.

DEL: Oh yeah, look, Caroline, just hang in there a little bit longer. I'll get you a snack, okay? They've got some great restaurants over at the food court. What do you want?

CAROLINE: Um, anything that's not on a stick.

DEL: Oh great, now I've got to get in the car. [he exits; Caroline looks at the "Where's Waldo" book. James walks past outside the store balancing a footstool on his head, sees Caroline, and enters the store.]

CAROLINE: [turning a page after each] Waldo...Waldo...Waldo...Waldo!

JAMES: Wow, those speed reading courses really work, huh?

CAROLINE: I like your hat.

JAMES: I'm helping my grandmother.

CAROLINE: Oh, that's sweet.

JAMES: Yeah, she's struggling on the escalator with the armchair.

CAROLINE: Less sweet.

JAMES: Are you Caroline Duffy?

CAROLINE: I'd better be. I just signed her name on three hundred books.

JAMES: I'm a huge fan of yours.

CAROLINE: Oh, really?

JAMES: Oh, I love the strips you do on your mom. It's nice to know that somebody else's mother thinks of Tang as a fruit. Can you sign one for me?

CAROLINE: Sure. Who should I make it out to?

JAMES: James Clark. [Caroline starts signing one of the books] You know, it's funny, I was doing a book signing myself here about a month ago.

CAROLINE: Oh really? You're an author?

JAMES: Yeah, although somehow I managed to keep it a secret.

CAROLINE: Kind of slow, huh?

JAMES: Yeah. Oh, I kept myself busy, though. I'm the one who carved 'Kill me now' on that table. [he points to a corner of the table that Caroline's sitting on]

CAROLINE: Well, so um, what do you write?

JAMES: Novels. Novel. Just one. You wouldn't have read it.

CAROLINE: How do you know? I read a lot of novels. What was the title?

JAMES: "Quarter Moon". [Caroline looks blank] See, told you. Nobody read it.

CAROLINE: Yes I did!

JAMES: No you didn't!

CAROLINE: Excuse me! "Quarter Moon", by James Clark.

JAMES: Great! Where the hell were ya last month?

CAROLINE: Look, here. I'll make it up to you. [she opens the book again] 'To my favourite author, who wrote "Quarter Moon", which I read, and loved.' [she gives it to him]

JAMES: Thanks!

CAROLINE: Now you gotta buy it.

[James looks at the back cover of the book]

JAMES: So, it says here that you live in Manhattan and you share your loft with a cat, but it doesn't say anything about you having dinner with me tomorrow night!

CAROLINE: Huh. That must be a misprint. Look, they left out my telephone number too. [she writes it in]

JAMES: Eight o'clock okay?

CAROLINE: Perfect.

JAMES: Great. I'm looking forward to someone who's actually read my book. [he exits]

CAROLINE: So am I.

ANNIE: A heart surgeon, really? You know, I've always been interested in um...cardio...stuff.

[cut to the guys. Charlie is staring wistfully at Annie.]

CHARLIE: She torments me.

RICHARD: Alright, how could you possibly think you and Annie are destined to be together based on a stupid fortune cookie?

DEL: Richard, you're talking to a guy who wanted to change his blood type based on some tea leaves.

CHARLIE: Hey, it would've worked if the monkey hadn't died. Alright, you guys laugh all you want, but that woman is my destiny.

[cut back to Annie]

ANNIE: So, I can't believe you make that much doing bypasses! How many of those can you knock off in one day?

[Charlie skates over to them]

CHARLIE: Annie, Annie, don't start something you can't finish. You want to be able to wear white at our wedding.

[the man walks away]

ANNIE: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't reach down your throat and punch you in the stomach.

CHARLIE: I just had a milkshake. [Annie walks towards the door] Annie, don't fight the cookies! [Annie opens the door hard and exits; the door hits Charlie in the face] Love hurts! Love hurts! [he exits; Julia enters carrying several shopping bags which she puts on the bar]

REMO: [speaking in Italian, with subtitles] Julia, welcome. You look more beautiful than ever.

JULIA: [subtitles] Remo, you handsome devil.

REMO: [subtitles] We are a beautiful people. If only we could make a decent car.

[they laugh; Remo goes into the kitchen and Richard walks up to Julia]

RICHARD: Hello.

JULIA: Oh Richard, tesoro mio. [they kiss] Oh, wait 'til you see these gorgeous new shoes that I bought. [she retrieves them from one of the bags]

RICHARD: Shoes? I thought you were going to buy groceries.

JULIA: Oh please, who needs to eat when you can walk around in these!

RICHARD: Oh my god, oh my god, how much were they?

JULIA: Oh, don't worry, they were on sale. Half price! [Richard takes a receipt out of the bag and his eyes bug out of his head] Oh, I never bought anything on sale in my life! It was thrilling. I felt like, you know, one of those people who uh...who buy things on sale.

RICHARD: Nobody loves your feet more than I do, but we really can't afford this.

JULIA: You're right. I will take them back. Bye bye little shoes... [she waves into one of the bags] Bye bye watching purse.

RICHARD: No no no, don't take 'em back...I want you to have these things.

[Julia takes out the purse]

JULIA: Thank you, Richard!

[Richard puts it back]

RICHARD: Maybe not the purse.

JULIA: You're right. If I want these things, I should work for them. I will get a job!

RICHARD: Julia, honey, that's very sweet, but come on, it might take a little while to find a job for somebody...with your particular skills.

JULIA: Ah, Richard, don't be silly. I don't have any skills.

RICHARD: None that I'd want you to market. You know what? I'll get a second job.

JULIA: Then when will you paint? No no no, Richard, I will get a job.

RICHARD: No, honey, it's not that easy, okay? You have to put together a resumé, search the want ads, go on interviews...

JULIA: [to Remo, who is across the room] Remo, can I have a job?

REMO: Absolutely.

ANNIE: So, you finish that book yet?

CAROLINE: No. Listen to this: [monotone] 'The atramentous wind shadows the unparented world of the discordant sky as I lie naked in the ghostly shadow of delusioned time.'

ANNIE: Okay, well, I heard the word 'naked', I like that.

CAROLINE: Annie, there's no punctuation. I started this sentence yesterday. There's no way I'm going to be able to discuss this intelligently by eight o'clock tonight!

ANNIE: So don't discuss it. Tell James you've developed a rare condition where you read but you don't comprehend. Hey, it happens! [mutters] SATs, 1985. So, what's so special about this guy, anyway?

CAROLINE: I don't know, he's the first guy I've really been interested in since that whole embarrassing Richard incident.

ANNIE: So you're telling me you're over Lurch already? Please.

CAROLINE: Annie, he's married. He loves Julia. I'm moving on.

ANNIE: Yeah, right.

CAROLINE: Well, this James guy, he's sweet, and he's sensitive, and he says he loves my comic strip. Although he's probably just flirting with me. [he chuckles]

ANNIE: Match made in heaven. Two big liars.

[Richard enters, sees Annie and laughs]

ANNIE: What?

RICHARD: Just picturing the wedding. You and Charlie exchanging wrist guards under the mirror ball of the roller rink.

ANNIE: And as you pictured us driving away on our honeymoon, did you notice you were tied the bumper of our car? [she looks at Richard, then turns to Caroline] Hey, there's your answer.

CAROLINE: What?

ANNIE: [quietly] The book!

CAROLINE: [whispers] What about it?

[Annie rolls her eyes]

ANNIE: [through clenched teeth] Gt th geek to rrd th book!

CAROLINE: What do you mean?

RICHARD: [imitating Annie] Sh wnts th geek to rrd th book!

CAROLINE: Oh! Would you?

RICHARD: [still clenching his teeth] Nno!

CAROLINE: Richard, please! I'm going out with the guy who wrote it, and it's so obtuse, and annoying, and depressing. You'll love it. Won't you just read it and explain it to me?

RICHARD: You know, it wouldn't hurt you to challenge yourself a little. That's what wrong with our so-called civilisation.

CAROLINE: I'll give you fifty bucks.

RICHARD: Everybody wants a quick fix, a sound bite, an easy answer.

CAROLINE: Sixty.

RICHARD: A hunger for knowledge is just a thing of the past.

CAROLINE: Seventy-five.

[Richard takes the book out of her hand]

RICHARD: Deal.

RICHARD: Julia.

[they hug]

JULIA: Oh Richard, you never told me working was so much fun! No wonder jobs are hard to find. Everybody must want as many as they can get.

RICHARD: God, it's a good thing you're so beautiful.

[Remo enters and starts walking around the tables]

JULIA: Richard, this job is the best thing that ever happened to me. My whole life, no-one ever let me do anything for myself, and now I can do for other people!

MAN: [sitting at a table] Miss, we've been here twenty minutes. Where are the menus?

JULIA: [pointing] Over there by the door. [to Richard] See? I was born to work here, and I owe it all to you.

[Remo walks up to them]

REMO: Julia, no-one should have to wait twenty minutes for menus and bread sticks.

JULIA: Ah yes, of course. [she walks towards the kitchen]

REMO: [to Richard] Isn't she wonderful? She's so relaxed, nothing rattles her... [Julia exits] Why isn't she rattled? People are starving!

RICHARD: She's new to this, okay? I'm sure she'll catch on.

REMO: Yes, I'm sure she will, but by then this place will be a Starbucks.

RICHARD: Just give her a little more time, okay? Come on, as a favour to me.

REMO: Well...for you.

RICHARD: I promise you, you won't regret it.

[Julia enters and walks over to the man who asked for menus]

JULIA: My apologies. [she puts a basket of bread rolls on the table, then holds up a wine bottle] I brought you a bottle of Champagne, on the house!

[cut to Richard and Remo]

RICHARD: Then again, Starbucks are very popular.

CHARLIE: [to Caroline] Hey, do you want to sing at the wedding?

CAROLINE: Honey, there is not going to be any wedding.

CHARLIE: Caroline, look. I know this seems crazy, but it's destiny! You have to have faith. You have to submit to a higher power! Plus, I don't want to be one of those pathetic people who spends the rest of their life alone living with a cat.

CAROLINE: Okay, now you have to go. [she pushes him backwards; he rolls out the open door and into the elevator which has just opened]

CHARLIE: More destiny! [he exits; Caroline turns back to Richard]

CAROLINE: Oh my god, you finished the book. How was it?

[pause]

RICHARD: [choked up] It was beautiful.

CAROLINE: Good, good, good. Okay, tell me all about it now.

RICHARD: It's hard to put into words.

CAROLINE: Well, James found a way. It's four hundred and thirty-nine pages!

RICHARD: What can I say? It's an intense journey between rationalism and absurdist despair.

CAROLINE: Actually, I was hoping you'd start out with the plot. What happens?

RICHARD: A horse kicks over a bucket.

CAROLINE: Okay, and?

RICHARD: That's it.

CAROLINE: What kind of stupid horse takes four hundred and thirty-nine pages to kick a bucket?

RICHARD: It's not about events, it's about the meaninglessness of events.

CAROLINE: So, give me something to work with. What's the horse's name? What's in the bucket?

RICHARD: The horse has no name.

CAROLINE: Okay, I understand that. I love that song. [the phone rings] Oh my god, that's James, and I don't want to talk to him until I know what's in the bucket. You answer it.

[Richard sighs reluctantly, then answers it]

RICHARD: Hello? ... Remo? Slow down. ... No, slow down in English! ... [he runs towards the door] No, Remo, don't fire her! I'll be right over. [he hangs up and grabs his coat]

CAROLINE: Richard, where are you going? What about the book? I paid you seventy-five bucks!

RICHARD: Tell him it was a brilliant existentialist metaphor. [he tries to leave; Caroline grabs his coat]

CAROLINE: Wait! A metaphor for what?

RICHARD: Uh, the decadence and moral sloth of the post-industrial...just wear pasties and a g-string! [he exits]

CAROLINE: [yelling after him] They're at the cleaners!

JULIA: Here you go. [she gives them some menus] Tonight's special: salmon. Although I would stick with the menu, the fish looks a little milky-eyed.

[Del enters from the back room and walks up to them]

DEL: [looking at the table] Julia, I just went to make a phone call. Where's my salad, my drink? And there were contracts I was working on!

JULIA: Oh Del, I'm so sorry. [she walks over to an unused table and picks up a soggy piece of paper] Is this what you're looking for?

DEL: Yeah, with a little less dressing!

JULIA: Come, I find you another table. [she leads him over to another table where a couple is sitting and there is a spare chair] Scusi, is this chair free?

WOMAN: Yes.

JULIA: [to Del] Come, sit here.

DEL: Julia!

JULIA: Oh it's okay, they're almost finished. [to the couple] You don't mind, do you? [Del starts walking away] And for being so nice, I will bring you all a big dish of tiramisu, on the house.

[Del turns back]

DEL: On the house?

JULIA: Mm-hmm.

[Del sits down]

DEL: [to the couple] Oh, hey, I'm Del.

[Richard enters and walks over to Julia]

RICHARD: Julia, Julia! What's going on?

JULIA: Well, I just took antipasto to a lovely couple at table six. She is a flight attendant, and he makes hats.

[Remo walks up to them]

REMO: I hate to interrupt, but the customer at table seven says you brought him the wrong wine.

JULIA: No no no, he ordered the wrong wine. Chablis with veal. Not in my restaurant! [she walks away; Remo walks over to table seven and exchanges the wine]

RICHARD: You haven't said anything to her yet, have you?

REMO: No, I just walk around smiling. And you know why I smile? Because the hair on the back of my neck is so tight it's pulling my cheeks apart! Richard, get her out of here.

RICHARD: Oh my god, Remo, she'll be devastated!

REMO: Richard, I'm sorry.

RICHARD: Please, Remo, there must be something I can do to change your mind.

[Remo looks at him with one eyebrow raised]

[cut to Remo's, later. Julia is working at the bar. There are a lot of customers. Richard enters from the kitchen wearing a waiter's apron and carrying several trays of food.]

RICHARD: Alright, coming through! Coming through! Coming through! [he pushes his way over to a table where six people are sitting and puts a plate in front of each person] Fusili, fusili, trout, salmon - hot plate, fusili, clams. Cheese? Yeah? [he walks around the table with a cheese grinder, leaning over everyone to sprinkle cheese on their food. They all dodge to avoid getting covered in it.] Pepper? [he holds up a pepper grinder; everyone at the table protests] Okay. [he walks over to another table where a couple are eating, and takes their plates] Finished? Looks like it. Here we go. [he puts the plates on an empty table, then takes a coffee pot and cups over to the couple] Thank you for coming to Remo's.

CUSTOMER: Is this regular?

RICHARD: Yes.

CUSTOMER: I wanted decaf.

RICHARD: It's decaf. [he walks over to the bar] Julia, Julia, Julia-

JULIA: Un momento, caro. [she pours brandy into a balloon glass with a flourish; everyone sitting around her oohs and aahs] Cooognac!

[Caroline and James enter]

CAROLINE: Wow, it's busy!

JAMES: Would you like to go somewhere else?

CAROLINE: No, no, I know the owner. [she walks over to Remo] Remo.

REMO: Carolina.

CAROLINE: Is Richard here? I have to talk to him.

REMOL I'll seat you in his section.

CAROLINE: Richard has a section?

[Remo shows them to a table. Richard walks past with a tray; Caroline looks confused]

JAMES: Thanks for showing me your work. It's a real kick getting to see cartoons before they're in print.

[they sit down]

CAROLINE: Oh, stop embarrassing me. They're just doodles.

JAMES: Hey, a great cartoon is like poetry. I wish I could tell a story in a couple of lines.

CAROLINE: So do I! But in your case, you need so many words because your story is so deeply and intensely...meaningless.

[pause]

JAMES: Yes! [Caroline looks relieved] So many of the critics completely misunderstood the subplot with Sheila. They got all wrapped up in...you know what? Forget about the critics. Tell me what you thought about Sheila.

CAROLINE: Shelia? Oh, don't get me started about Sheila! [Richard walks hurriedly past; Caroline starts to get up] I'll be right back. [she starts chasing Richard around the room] Richard! Richard!

[cut to the table where Del and the couple are sitting]

MAN: [to his date] If you're just going to flirt all night, I'm going to go back to the hotel! [he exits]

DEL: What's his problem? I didn't think you were flirting, I thought you were just being friendly!

WOMAN: Thank you. [she puts her hand on top of his] You have strong hands!

CHARLIE: [calling inside] Bye ma, thanks for the lasagne! [Annie blocks his way and puts her hands on her hips] Hi.

ANNIE: What were you doing in my apartment?

CHARLIE: Well, I'm just an old-fashioned guy. I thought I should ask your mom for your hand.

ANNIE: How 'bout my fist? [she holds it up]

CHARLIE: Annie, look, I can understand your resistance. Ma told me how hard you were to potty train. But me too! We'd be great together!

[Annie pushes him backwards into the wall]

ANNIE: Look, Rollerboy, I don't care if I wake up and I'm sewn to your belly. We're not meant to be together.

CHARLIE: How do you know I'm not the one?

ANNIE: Trust me! I know.

CHARLIE: But you haven't even given me a chance! True love could be right under your nose. If I took my skates off, it would be. Ha-ha.

[Annie starts pushing him backwards into the elevator]

ANNIE: Listen, Charlie, you're very sweet, and I am very flattered...

CHARLIE: Look, would someone who wasn't your true love have worked out a retirement plan? [he holds up a brochure]

ANNIE: For me?

CHARLIE: For us. A dancing career is short. Have you given any thought to what you're going to do when it's over?

ANNIE: Well...

CHARLIE: Have you started saving for it yet?

ANNIE: Uhhh...

CHARLIE: Oh Annie, it's okay. You be the dreamer, and I'll be the practical one.

[Annie steps into the elevator]

ANNIE: Hey, I can be practical! I've got money in my chequeing account.

CHARLIE: [sceptically] Mm-hmm.

CAROLINE: Richard, I need your help.

RICHARD: I'm busy!

MAN: [sitting at a table] Can we please have some fresh pepper?

RICHARD: Uh...

CAROLINE: He's busy! [she grabs a pepper grinder from Richard's pocket and uses it on the man's food; Richard clears away some of the nearby tables] Richard, was Sheila the horse?

RICHARD: What?

CAROLINE: I need to know who Sheila is.

RICHARD: Caroline, I'm trying to work.

CAROLINE: Look, there's a relationship on the line here. I need to know who Sheila is and what she meant to you.

RICHARD: Sheila doesn't mean anything! She's a troll with a hair lip!

CAROLINE: Well, thank you. [she gives him the pepper grinder and walks back to her table]

MAN: [to Richard] You chose Sheila over her?

[cut to Caroline and James]

CAROLINE: Oh, I'm sorry, I was just checking the specials. So, did I mention that I loved that you used Sheila, the troll, as a metaphor?

JAMES: Interesting. A metaphor for what?

[Caroline looks confused]

CAROLINE: I'll be right back. [she walks over to Richard, who is standing by Del's table] Richard!

DEL: Oh, Caroline!

[Richard walks away and continues working]

CAROLINE: Del!

DEL: This is Christine, she's on her honeymoon.

[Christine grabs Del and kisses him]

[cut to the door. Annie and Charlie enter.]

CHARLIE: And after the kids are away at college, I could imagine you opening up your own dance studio.

ANNIE: I can't believe you just said that! That's something I've always thought about.

[they skate over to a table]

CHARLIE: Hey, why don't I get you a Cosmopolitan with a twist?

ANNIE: That's my drink! How'd you know that?

CHARLIE: When you care, you pay attention to the little things. Annie Viola Spadaro.

[Annie smiles; he goes over to the bar. Richard enters from the kitchen carrying a birthday cake and wearing a paper hat. He walks past Annie's table.]

ANNIE: Waiter, could you please-

RICHARD: Yeah yeah, just a minute. [he turns around; Annie shrieks with laughter] Don't start with me... [he walks over to a table, sets the cake down and puts the hat on one of the customers sitting there] There you go. Happy birthday.

[Caroline walks up to him]

CAROLINE: Could Sheila be a metaphor?

RICHARD: Not now. [calling to Julia] Julia, I need your help clearing this table.

JULIA: In a minute! [she sets a drink on the bar alight; everyone applauds. Del walks over to Richard]

DEL: Richard, were there almonds in the tiramisu? Christine's face is blowing up!

[Richard ignores him and continues clearing a table]

CAROLINE: Richard, please tell me that Sheila could be a metaphor for something.

RICHARD: Well, she's not a metaphor, she was a dream. [calls] Julia!

JULIA: Not now! [she holds up an orange peel in one long strip]

[cut back to the other side of the room. Richard starts clearing some tables, Caroline and Del follow him around. Charlie walks up to them.]

CHARLIE: Dim the lights. Make it a little more romantic in here.

CAROLINE: Whose dream? The horse's dream?

DEL: Richard, Richard, Richard, what about the almonds?

RICHARD: I can't-

ANNIE: What are the specials? I really wanted to know if there were-

[Julia walks over and tries to pull Richard away. Everyone starts talking at once; Caroline pulls Richard's arm and he drops the pile of plates he was carrying. There is a huge crash; everything falls silent.]

CAROLINE: Okay, never mind...

RICHARD: Alright, that's it! Nobody's getting anything anymore! [to Charlie] I am not turning down the lights. You want romance, rent a horse in Central Park! [to Del] And if your date's breaking out, maybe she's allergic to Rogaine! [Del looks shocked] I am not bringing any more bread sticks, and I am not bringing any more damn Parmesan! [to Caroline] I am not helping you lie about that stupid book. If you thought it was incomprehensible, then tell the man! [Caroline looks sheepishly at James] [to Annie] Here, you want to know about the specials? [he picks up a bunch of food-encrusted dish fragments and dumps them on Annie's table] Well, here the are. Make sure you touch the plates, they're very hot.

JULIA: Richard, I...

RICHARD: And you. Look, I know how much this job means to you, but let's face it. You are not cut out to be a waitress. [to Remo, who is standing behind them] Remo, I'll do this myself. Julia, honey...you're fired.

JULIA: What are you talking about?

RICHARD: Remo wanted to do it this afternoon, but I begged him not to.

[Julia turns and looks at Remo coldly]

JULIA: You wanted to fire me?

REMO: Me? Of course not! She's the best bartender I ever had. People have been buying the drinks all night. But you, you are fired.

[Richard looks dumbfounded]

JULIA: Oh, sweetheart...table seventeen is waiting for their cheque.

CHARLIE: Annie, hi. Look, these things are never easy to say, but...I met somebody else. I'm leaving you.

[Annie frowns]

ANNIE: What?! When? You were only gone for two minutes!

CHARLIE: Just now at the bar. Her name is Melissa.

ANNIE: Huh. What about the fortune cookie?

CHARLIE: Exactly! Without the fortune cookie I wouldn't have come here with you, thus I never would have met her! So...thanks. [he kisses her on the forehead]

ANNIE: You're welcome. [Charlie skates away; she looks downcast] I think.

[cut to Caroline's table. Richard walks up to her.]

RICHARD: Hello. My name is Richard, and I'll be the jerk who ruins your date tonight.

CAROLINE: No, that would be me.

RICHARD: So, I guess James is history?

CAROLINE: I wish he was. I did okay at history.

[Richard sits down]

RICHARD: Caroline, I'm sorry.

CAROLINE: You know what? It's okay. You had a pretty terrible night yourself.

RICHARD: Ah, it had its moments. Julia found something that uh, made her happy, and that she's actually pretty good at. And oh, you know what? I made seventy-six dollars in tips. [he takes it out of his pocket]

CAROLINE: Good. [she takes it off him] Minus the seventy-five I paid you to read the book, you actually came out ahead. [she smiles and gives him back a dollar bill]

DEL: Julia, could you make two more of those special drinks of yours?

JULIA: Of course.

DEL: Look, I've got to thank you for seating me at that table. You know, it's crazy, and it's wonderful, but Christine and I, we really have something special, you know? I really think that she could be the one.

[they look over at Christine, who is staring at a waiter wiping the table with a cloth.]

CHRISTINE: You know, you fill out those pants pretty well.

[cut back to the bar]

JULIA: I'll make yours a double.