It was back in 1987, when I saw a film entitled The Dirty Dozen that my love affair with Germany began. Sitting up late one night, I happened across this classic film starring such incredible actors as Charles Bronson (toward whom I still harbor an unrequited crush), John Cassavetes, Telly Savalas, and Ernest Borgnine. In this film, twelve soldiers are sent on a suicide mission inside Nazi Germany. During the climax of the film; before Telly Savalas murders the German girl and her boyfriend but after the Dirty Dozen begin to exterminate the Germans by throwing dynamite into the bomb shelter where they are seeking refuge, my love of the German people was born!!!!! Was it pity that filled my heart as I watched the decimation of these beautiful, civilian people screaming, "Helfen uns, bitte?" Was it their politeness in adding the 'please' in their plea for humanity? I have no idea! But Germany has me in a stranglehold and it won't let go!

Since that fateful night I have visited Germany four times and each time I become more and more obsessed with the German people, their culture, and their land. In the following page I will outline a few of my German obsessions and try to illustrate why Germany has been the greatest country throughout history (minus a twelve-year period back in the thirties and forties, of course).

The other day, I came across a memory that predates the Dirty Dozen experience and may explain my almost obsessive devotion to Germany and its people. I was six years old, in 1981, when my family vacationed in Disney World. Although I have many fond memories from that trip, one sticks out more than all the others.

One afternoon at our hotel's swimming pool, a family arrived and settled near the blanket where I was sitting. Initially they appeared to be like all the other families lazing around the pool. However that facade quickly disappeared when, without warning, the mother and teenage daughter removed their T-shirts and displayed to the other poolside families, furry underarms and bare breasts! This was the first time my young eyes spied fully developed female breasts and I was shocked! I remember running to my mother and her instructing me to avert my gaze; however, try as I might, I just couldn't do it. My mother explained to me that these strange people, speaking in odd guttural tones, were people from another country. She then whispered, "Germans from Germany!"

"Is this the way all Germans behave?"

"Yes, I should think."

"What Libertines!" my little Calvinist mind exclaimed!

Was it at that moment my desire to be German, live in Germany, and speak German first took hold of my soul? Could this family be the catalyst that created within me a penchant for hairy legs, unshaved armpits, and a strange desire to speak German? If so, they created a demon!