Against The Grain-- Chapter 3
Bobbie sat there with tears streaming down her face, staring at Dani. Luke was sitting next to her and pulled her into a hug. He had just finished telling her about Grace dying and his newly discovered daughter. Bobbie and Grace had been very close when they were younger.
“I always meant to go see her Luke. I just figured we’d always have time.” She sobbed.
“I know Barbara, I know.” Luke said comfortingly.
“The last time I even spoke to her on the phone was right after I found out the truth about Carly. She was the only one, besides you and Ruby, that knew what I went through when I had to give her up.” Bobbie said pulling away from Luke and drying her eyes.
“And you.” She said turning to Dani. “You went and grew up without askin’ anybody first.”
Dani laughed, “So I guess I can really call you ‘Aunt Bobbie’ now huh?”
“Well you always have before, what’s to stop you now that it’s official.”
Just then the front door opened and shut and the blur of a small boy came running into the room and jumped into his mother’s arms.
“Mommy! You wouldn’t believe what happened in school today! Billy Harrison was picking on the girls again and I stood up to him and nobody ever stands up to Billy. And then this really cool guy came to school with an eagle and I got to feed it! And at baseball practice I hit a triple. Hi Uncle Luke. Have you been crying Mommy?” He finished leaving all the adults breathless at his excitement.
“Oh honey, I’m fine. I just got some bad news that’s all. But I got some good news too. Lucas I’d like you to meet your cousin, Dani. She’s Uncle Luke’s daughter.”
Lucas looked at Dani curiously and then turned back to his mother.
“Was she lost, like Carly?”
Bobbie smiled. “Well kind of.”
“Cool! Dani, do you want to see my room?”
“Sure Sport, and you can tell me more about that eagle.”
“It was so cool! He’s bigger than I am!” Lucas exclaimed as he scampered up the stairs, followed by Dani.
“I think she likes having a big family.” Luke said absently as he watched his daughter walk up the stairs.
“I still can’t believe Grace told you in a letter.” Bobbie said shaking her head.
“What’s worse is she wrote Dani a letter too, so she already knew by the time I got to Florida.” Luke said thoughtfully.
Bobbie laughed, “Grace always knew you too well.”
“What do you mean by that?” He scowled.
“Grace knew if it was up to you to tell Dani, you’d have just kept up your role as her godfather. You’d give her money and support her as much as you could, but you wouldn’t tell her you were her father.” Bobbie said knowingly.
Luke got up and paced angrily. “Barbara, I’ve lost one child, do you think I’d let another go with out at least knowing her.”
“Maybe, but I think you would have ended up convincing yourself that you weren’t good enough to be a father to her. Rationalizing that she’s all grown up and doesn’t need a father.”
Luke stopped pacing and glared at Bobbie, mostly cause he knew she was right.
Bobbie dropped the subject quickly. “So have you told Laura yet?” She asked carefully.
Luke nodded, “That was my first stop.”
“How’d she take it?”
“The usual, we fought. She accused me of enjoying doing this to her!”
“And you didn’t?” She asked with a sly smile crossing her face.
Luke glared at her.
“Just a little?” Bobbie asked grinning.
Before she could say anything more about Laura, Luke picked up his jacket and walked towards the door.
“Tell Dani I went to the club to pick up the rest of my things. I’ll be back in a couple hours.”
“Well Lulu should be over soon. Betty usually picks her up from her ballet class and brings her over here for a few hours while Laura’s at work.”
Luke nodded his head thoughtfully. “That’ll be good. See ya Barbara.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple hours later Dani came down the stairs. She had been playing with Lucas and Lulu since Lulu had arrived and she was worn out. Bobbie was in the kitchen making dinner.
“You need any help?”
“No thanks sweetie, I’m fine. Besides you look beat!” Bobbie said with a smile. Dani sat down at the counter so she could talk to Bobbie.
“Yeah I am. Lucas is mad now cause Lulu beat him at his favorite video game.” Dani said smiling.
“Oh I could kill Jerry for giving him that thing!” Bobbie said smiling and chopping some vegetables forcefully for emphasis.
Bobbie looked at Dani thoughtfully. “I’m glad you decided to come back with him.” Bobbie said smiling.
“Well, I figured I should get to know my family. I wish my mom would have told me before Lucky died. The last time I saw him he was a wise ass ten year old that cleaned out all my friends at poker.” She said laughing at the memory.
“Yeah that sounds like Lucky.” Bobbie said smiling. “Have you met Liz yet?”
“No but according to Lulu I have to.”
“Oh you do, Lucky’s face would just light up every time she walked into the room. He loved her so much. I don’t know how he would have gotten through the last year if it not been for her.”
Dani nodded slightly.
“Lulu seems really happy to have a big sister.” Bobbie said smiling.
“Yeah I hope so. I love having a little sister. I kinda missed that growing up as an only child.” Dani said sadly.
“I know Grace never knew her family, but Joey had a big family. Didn’t you have lots of cousins?” Bobbie asked.
Dani laughed bitterly. “Joey’s family barely accepted my mother and me when he was alive, but after he died they cut us off completely. They said that my mother was a whore and that I probably wasn’t Joey’s daughter.” Dani smirked. “Now isn’t that ironic.”
Bobbie looked at Dani apprehensively. She wasn’t sure how much the young woman knew about Grace’s past.
Dani saw the look on Bobbie face and smiled. “Bobbie it’s ok, I know my mother was hooker.”
Bobbie nodded. “I figured Grace would have told you. She always said she didn’t want to keep any secrets from her kids.”
Dani smirked. “Then why didn’t she tell me about Luke?” Dani sighed and ran a hand through her dark hair.
Bobbie smiled slightly noticing the nervous twitch she must have inherited from Luke.
“If she could tell me about her past as a working girl, why couldn’t she tell me this? I always thought I could tell her anything and vise versa. If she didn’t want to lie to her kid, why did she lie about this of all things?” Dani rambled in frustration.
“Honey I don’t know. But I know more than anyone that things don’t always turn out the way you plan.” Bobbie said gently.
“I think your situation with Caroline was a little different.” Dani said softly.
“Well yeah it was, but the basics were the same. She was pregnant, the father was out of the picture, she was scared and she panicked.”
“Well I don’t really blame her for that part, for marrying Joey and telling him he was my father. She was alone and scared; I understand that part. It’s the next 22 years I don’t get.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luke sat in his dimly lit office with a full bottle of scotch on his desk.
“What’s the matter, why aren’t you drinking?” a voice asked softly in the dark.
Luke smiled slightly but didn’t look up. “I don’t know.”
“Drinking’s what you always do. What are you waiting for?”
“A reason.” Luke said looking up into his son’s eyes.
“Your son is dead, your best friend is dead, and your marriage is dead.” Lucky said coldly.
Luke laughed sadly. “Pretty picture ain’t it?”
“So get drinking! Drink, so you can pass out and forget all your problems. It’s what you always do anyways right? Runaway when things get tough?” Lucky said getting up and pouring some scotch into a glass. “Drink up old man.”
Luke picked up the glass and squinted at it. The liquor sloshed in its glass a little. Luke closed his eyes and sighed. Oh it would be so good to forget. But a question popped in his mind. The same question that came to him every time he wanted to drink himself to unconsciousness or death. Would he have to forget his daughter? Well now daughters.
Twice as many reasons not to forget.
“Damn!” He said aloud and slammed his fist against the desk in frustration.
Lucky didn’t even flinch at the outburst. Almost like he knew it was coming.
“What, did you just realize you had a family?” Lucky asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yes.” Luke replied in a weak and defeated voice.
“Two daughters, a son, a dog, and a wife.” Lucky said slowly.
“My son is dead, the dog hates my guts, and my wife has a boyfriend.” Luke said cynically.
“But you still love her.”
“I’ve loved her for twenty years and I’ll love her for the rest of my life. That has never been our problem. It’s the other stuff that always gets in the way.” Luke said sadly.
“You mean your pride gets in the way.”
Luke smirked. “That too.”
“So Cowboy, what would you have thought about your new sister?” Luke asked, knowing that he wasn’t going to get a real answer. And as he expected Lucky just shrugged his shoulders.
“Would you have hated her instantly, like Nikolas or would you have tried to get to know her?”
“I eventually accepted Nikolas didn’t I?”
“Yeah but that was after you threw him down a flight of stairs.” Luke laughed at the memory. “The Bat was hoping mad!”
“It wasn’t funny.” Lucky chided.
“Oh come on, the Princling wasn’t hurt. And you learned a valuable lesson that day: if you’re gonna have a fight with your brother, don’t do it at the top of a staircase. Mom gets mad.”
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Laura put her purse down and took off her coat. She couldn’t believe she had finally done it. It almost seemed surreal to her. She took the papers out of her purse and looked at them. It almost seemed as if they must belong to someone else. Scotty had asked if he wanted him to deliver them for her, but she had said she would get them to him. She was regretting that choice now. She didn’t want to face Luke when he got these. She had talked to Scotty weeks ago, and he had seemed almost giddy as he drew up the papers. And when she had come to him today he had said he was glad she had come to her senses, “come to her senses?” He was talking like it had been a few weeks, not almost 18 years.
A big part of her just wanted to stuff the papers in a drawer and forget about them. She didn’t have to do anything with them if she didn’t want to. She put the papers on the table and looked at her watch. Bobbie should have been there by now with Lulu. She had been late and figured Bobbie would already be there.
There was a knock on the door and Laura breathed a sigh of relief that every mother breathes.
"I was wondering where you…” Laura stopped short when she saw who was holding her daughter’s hand.
“Mommy!” Lulu exclaimed as she jumped into the mother’s arms.
“Hi honey, where’s Bobbie?” Laura asked directing the question at Lulu and almost completely ignoring Dani.
“Bobbie was busy with dinner so I offered to drop Lulu off.” Dani answered, smiling as polite as she could manage.
Laura nodded and told Lulu to go upstairs and get ready for dinner. As Lulu disappeared up the stairs, Laura muttered, “I wish Bobbie wouldn’t leave my daughter with a stranger.”
“Laura I’m not a stranger, I’m her sister.” Dani said quietly. She didn’t want to get into a fight with Laura, but she wasn’t going to let this woman try and push her out of the family she always wanted to have.
“She just met you today, so essentially you are a stranger.” Laura said coldly.
“Well in one afternoon I’ve fallen in love with that little girl. And I am her sister whether you like it or not Laura.” Dani said firmly.
“You can’t just waltz in here and expect to be part of the family. That little girl has been through a lot this past year.” Laura said angrily.
“She’s fine with it. You’re the one that seems to have a problem with it Laura!”
“Well you’re not the one that has to hold that little girl till she stops crying when you leave.”
“Who said anything about leaving? I’m not Luke; I’m not going to pop in and out of her life. And Luke’s not going to leave again either.” Dani said vehemently.
“Oh you think he’ll stay now just because you’re here.” Laura laughed cynically. “You sure don’t know Luke very well. He doesn’t change for anyone.”
“Maybe you’re the one that doesn’t know him Laura.” Dani said quietly. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. She didn’t want to fight with Laura.
“Great, I had to put up with Grace all those years and now this.” Laura muttered quietly to herself, but not quietly enough.
“‘Put up with Grace?’ When did you ever have to put up with my mother!?!” Dani said angrily as all thoughts of avoiding a fight with Laura flew out the window. “She never tried to take anything from you.”
“She always thought she knew Luke better than I did.” Laura said bitterly, knowing that it was a little bit true.
“She was his best friend and you were his ‘Angel’. And she would have given anything to trade places with you. In her eyes you were everything she wasn’t, everything Luke wanted. She was the brown-haired ‘TomBoy” that grew up too fast and had to sell her body on the street. You were to the golden angel that Luke always dreamed of. She sacrificed her happiness for you and Luke.” Dani said with tears in her eyes.
“Because she loved him?” Laura exclaimed sarcastically.
“Yes she loved him, and she wanted him to be happy. That’s why she didn’t tell him about me. Luke would have given up everything here in Port Charles if she had told him she was pregnant.” Dani said fiercely. She didn’t actually know if that’s what would have happened, but right now all she wanted to do was hurt Laura.
“You certainly are deluded.”
“To Luke, his kids are the sun and the moon. Do you think it was only his all-powerful love for you that kept him sticking around when all your secrets, along with the Cassadines, came crawling out of the woodwork. He stuck it out as long as he did because of his kids. You know that if it was just love at stake Luke would have been long gone, somewhere moping and licking his wounds! Probably with my mother!”
Laura looked shocked, angry, and fearful all at the same time. Dani momentarily regretted her words, but in a flash there was only anger in Laura’s eyes.
“Get out of my house.” Laura said coldly and then picked up the papers on the table. “And take these to your father!” Laura spat and threw the blue legal papers at Dani.
Dani caught the papers before they hit her in the face and barely even looked at them as she stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind her. Laura sank into a chair and she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She hugged herself, as if trying to push the emptiness away. She couldn’t help but feel like she’d let her anger make the worst mistake of her life.
“Well, no going back now.” She whispered.
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Elizabeth closed the door to room, but she didn’t turn on the light. She found that lately she preferred the cool moonlight that filtered in through her window to her lamp. That window, every time she looked at it she could almost hear his gentle tapping. Loud enough so she could hear it, but soft enough so it wouldn’t startle her. He knew her so well.
She threw jacket on the chair and hit “shuffle” on her CD changer and hoped it would go to a somewhat happy song. But she sighed and closed her eyes when she heard what had come up. It was one of those songs she couldn’t hide from. It was one of those songs she just couldn’t listen to. Not because her and Lucky had danced to it or that it held any kind of special meaning for the two of them or anything like that. It was one of those songs that said exactly what she was feeling. Not what she showed everyone else or what she thought she should be feeling, but what she was actually there in her heart. Lately she had taken to listening to country. She found that most of the songs suited her mood more. But this song cut through all the facades and described how she really felt when she was alone in her dark room.
Never thought I’d be in this place
It’s someone else’s life I’m living
I wish I were living a lie
The hardest part is when the bough breaks
Falling down and then forgiving
You didn’t kiss me goodbye
I’m choking on the words I didn’t get to say
And pray I get the chance one day
She walked to the window and put her fingers on the cold glass. The last time she had seen him was right here. She opened the window and kneeled on the floor just like she had done that night to say goodbye to him. He had kissed her lightly, winked at her, and disappeared down the roof. But that was when she thought she would see him in the morning. Just a few hours, not a lifetime. If she had known she would have kissed him longer or begged him to stay, something. She constantly had dreams where that night played out over and over. She would be in her bedroom saying goodbye to him, but this time she knew what would happen if he left her room. But when she tried to get him to stay he didn’t seem to hear her and she would be left be left at the window screaming that she loved him.
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you’ll be there like before
Doesn’t everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won’t listen to
I’m still holding out for you
Almost everyday without fail she would be half way to Lucky’s apartment before she remembered that that building wasn’t there. Even when she got home she would catch herself wondering if Lucky would call or opening the window to see if her was coming down the street.
I can still hear you voice in the dark
I can even feel you breathing
But daylight chases the ghosts
I see you coat and I fall apart
To those hints of you I’m clinging
Now’s when I need them most
I should get up, dry my eyes and move ahead
At least that’s what you would have said
She went to the mirror and ran her fingers lightly over the pictures there. Images of their trip to New York flashed through her mind as she touched those pictures. She could still feel his hands on her body. If she had known she’d only have that one chance with Lucky she would have taken it in an instant. They’d thought they had so much time. Her hands rested on the back of the chair. She could feel the soft fabric of Lucky’s shirt beneath her fingertips. She involuntarily clutched the shirt as the tears fell down her cheek. She brought her hands to her face and the shirt came with them. She inhaled the sent of the shirt and just cried harder. It didn’t even smell like him anymore.
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you’ll be there like before
Doesn’t everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won’t listen to
I’m still holding out for you
Faithfully, I trace your name while you sleep
It’s the only true comfort I feel
Elizabeth drew the tear soaked shirt away from her face and clutched it tightly to her chest. She took a few steps over to her desk and opened the jewelry box that sat there. There were all the rest of her memories. Hidden away from the world and only for her eyes. The subway token still had a few traces of black from the fire. Pictures of her, Lucky, Nikolas, and Emily last Christmas, that seemed like a lifetime ago now. She even still had the rose that she got on their date at the No Name. It was dried and she supposed that to some eyes it looked beautiful. But to her it looked just how she felt. She took the rose in her hand and laid down on her bed and cried herself to sleep.
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you’ll be there like before
I still run, I still swing open the door
I still think, you’ll be there like before
Doesn’t everybody out there know to never come around
Some things a heart won’t listen to
I’m still holding out for you
Holding out
Holding out for you
Song credit: “Still Holding Out For You” performed by SHeDAISY written by Kristyn Osborn and Richard Marx
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