The vampire had Buffy pinned down. It was all Buffy could do to keep the
  snarling face of the vamp away from her neck.

  Just then she heard someone say, "I was taught never to hit a girl, but
  I'll make an exception in this case." The vampire was knocked back by an
  angry looking Xander. "Well then again you're not really a girl are you? So
  never mind." Taken completely by surprise, the vampire never saw the stake
  that landed in her heart.

  "Haven't lost my timing, huh?" Xander said extending a hand to help Buffy up.

  "What-what are you doing out here?" she asked incredulously. She took his
  hand and got up gingerly.

  "I followed you." he looked away sheepishly. "I couldn't leave things like
  that."
  < You were going to come crawling for forgiveness, you mean. > He added to
  himself.

  "Well, thanks. I mean for following me and for staking that vamp, that is."
  Buffy stumbled over her words.

  Embarrassed, Xander brushed her thanks aside. "Yah, well let's get you
  home. That knee doesn't look too good." Putting her arm around his
  shoulder and grabbing hold of her waist, he positioned himself as a crutch
  for her. She was took advantage of his help and leaned on him gratefully.

  They were silent all the way to her house. When they got there Buffy
  ushered him inside. "My mom's not home. She's at some art show until
  tomorrow. We can talk here," she said cautiously. "We really need to talk,
  you know, when neither of us is yelling at the other."

  "Yah, you're right," he agreed

  They sat down and both were nervous and silent for a little while, then
  Xander spoke. "I don't even know where to begin…" He looked lost and
  uncertain.

  Needing desperately to know, Buffy blurted out, "Do you hate me because of
  what happened to Willow?"

  "What?" Xander looked amazed.

  Buffy pressed, "I would understand you if you blamed me because, well, if
  it weren't for me . . . "

  Xander interrupted her. "Oh yah, if it weren't for you, we'd all have been
  vampire happy meals already! No, Buffy. I don't blame you at all. I-I'm
  sorry I made you think that that was why I was pushing you away. I could
  never hate you." He stated the last part with a quiet finality that warmed
  her heart. "

  "You don't have to be sorry," she said simply.

  "I do though, because you were right about how I've been handling things,"
  Xander confessed. "It's just been that I've wanted to blot out feeling so
  guilty about Willow. She was always there for me and I wasn't here when she
  needed me the most!"

  "God, you, me, and Giles - all vying to see who feels more guilty or to
  blame. We should go into some sort of therapy," Buffy sighed.

  "But everything I told you about not appreciating Willow was true. I never
  even had a clue that she felt the way she did about me. She always gave so
  much without ever asking for anything in return. She was… damn it! I mean
  she IS the most incredible person I have ever known. I just wish she was
  here so that I could tell her that. And that I love her too." Xander
  expelled a shuddering breath.

  Buffy put her hand on his and this time Xander didn't shake off her gesture
  of comfort. "We'll see her again someday. I don't care how long it takes.
  I'll always believe that."

  "It seemed that we were invincible, didn't it?" he mused. "Even with that
  stupid prophesy about the Master killing you, I never accepted that. We
  found the bad guys and took them down. That's just the way things were. But
  with what's happened to Willow - I . . . it's just so wrong. Nothing is
  ever going to be the same, is it?"

  Buffy shook her head wordlessly, tears springing to her eyes. "No it
  isn't," she whispered. "But I don't want to go through this without you."

  Xander pulled her close. Her head rested against his chest, his cheek
  nestled against her silky hair. "I don't either," he said.

  They stayed like that for a long time just drawing comfort from the other.

  *~*~*~*

  Xander woke up the next morning and for while he just lay in bed replaying
  the events of the last evening in his mind.

  < I am so glad that Buffy and I talked last night. Well maybe that first,
  uh, talk wasn't so good. I never thought that I would be so dumb! >

  He was relieved that he hadn't screwed things up with Buffy. When he had
  let her into his room last night he had been faintly annoyed. At least as
  annoyed as he could be in his depressed apathy. At one time he would have
  been excited to have Buffy in his room. < Yah, how many times have I
  fantasized about that happening? >

  But when it actually did happen last night, he didn't feel anything like
  that. He had shut himself in his room to escape everything. Her presence,
  invading and trying to tug him out of his sanctuary, awoke the bitterness
  and anger that he'd been harboring within himself during the last weeks. It
  wasn't that those feelings were directed at Buffy, but he wanted to see her
  hurt the way he was hurting. < Well, I had succeeded there, didn't I? >

  Xander was ashamed, remembering the obvious pain that had been written all
  over Buffy's face when he had yelled at her. < Thank god that she didn't
  back down. Thank God, she cared enough NOT to back down. >

  Nope. Instead, she had read him the riot act. Her words striking nerves and
  burning away the self-absorption that Xander had clung to in the last
  couple weeks. He hadn't thought about how Willow would have felt seeing him

  as he had been for the last month. He knew instantly that it would have
  made her generous heart ache.

  < I also know Willow would have probably bopped me over the head the
  moment
  I started to feel sorry for myself. > Xander grinned picturing his
  sweet-natured Willow doing that very thing.

  But that grin faded from his face as he remembered that it wasn't until
  after Buffy had fled from his room, that her last words sunk into his
  brain. He realized that he was in danger of doing the same things to her
  that he had accused himself of doing to Willow - not appreciating a
  friendship until maybe too late. The realization made him run after Buffy.

  When he caught up with her, it was almost as if an evil twist of fate was
  trying to add emphasis to the lesson he had finally learned. Xander
  shuddered reflecting that he almost had been too late.

  It was odd, but seeing Buffy in danger took him back to the night he
  revived her after she had died at the hands of the Master. It was odd,
  because Xander had been more scared last night than even then. Maybe it
  was
  because now he truly understood what the loss of his friend would entail.
  Terrified and enraged, he just reacted when he saw the vampire looming over
  Buffy.

  < I was lucky this time, but what about next time? > he thought fearfully.
  < I am NOT going to lose another friend to one of those bloodsuckers. >

  A kernel of an idea planted itself into Xander's head. An idea that sat
  there until it burst into a bloom of planned action.

  Xander bounded out of bed, showing more energy than in any morning since
  he
  had found out about Willow. He went to get ready for school. As he went
  down for breakfast, he noticed his mother and father's concerned looks. He
  had completely ignored or been oblivious to them, but this morning he felt
  the need to reassure them. "Hey mom, hey dad. What's to eat?"

  His voice didn't have an overly amount of pep, but it relayed quite a bit
  to his worried parents. Mr. and Mrs. Harris had not raised a teenage son
  without knowing when to just accept things without comment. They just
  smiled and felt relieved to see Xander start devouring one of his usual
  humungous meals. This was indeed a small sign of returning normalcy.

  *~*~*~*

  Classes just ended and Giles was on his way to meet Buffy and Xander in the

  library.

  Giles had briefly seen them that morning and it had been immediately
  apparent to him that they had straightened things out between them. He
  could already see the difference in Buffy. As for Xander, he was never
  going to be the devil-may-care Xander of old, but it looked like they had
  come through the worst of it.

  Xander had told him earlier that he wanted to speak to Giles about
  something important after school. And now Giles was late. "Stupid faculty
  meetings," he muttered.

  "Mr. Giles!"

  Hearing his name called out, he turned around to see Ms. Calendar behind
  him. "I wanted to catch you after the meeting. Where are you hurrying off
  to?" She had a impish grin on her face. "Never mind, the library right?"

  "Err, well yes in fact I was," he said awkwardly. This particular woman had
  the most astounding ability to fluster him.

  "I wanted to ask you about Willow. I haven't seen her in school. I know
  that with the beginning of school things are hectic, but she isn't even
  registered for any of the computer courses. I thought it was...odd…" Seeing
  Giles' face tighten, her voice trailed off. "What's wrong?" she asked
  seriously.

  "I'm sorry, I, er, I thought you knew," he stated gravely.

  "I've been gone all summer, so I've been kinda out of the loop. Know what?"
  Her brows were drawn together in a look of concern.

  "Willow has been…missing for over a month now." He looked down at the
  ground.

  Ms. Calendar's eyes went wide, "It wasn't…it couldn't have been…vampires?"
  Giles could not look her in the eye, and that gave her all the answers she
  needed. "Oh no!"

  He was about to say something when Xander came down the hall. "There you

  are. We were supposed to meet about something important. In the library.
  Ring any bells? Hey Ms. Calendar."

  "Yes, yes of course. I was on my way." Giles turned to Ms. Calendar, "I'm
  sorry, but I must go."

  "Wait, Mr. Giles. Rupert!" Her eyes seemed to reach out to him. "If you
  need me for anything, call."

  Giles was touched. "Thank you. I-I will." Then he was carried off in the
  inexorable tide that was Xander.

  Buffy was already waiting, curious since Xander hadn't clued her in either.
  As Giles faced Xander in the library, there was a glint in the boy's eyes
  that told him he wasn't going to like what he was about to hear.

  "I want you to start training me to help hunting vampires," Xander said
  without preamble.

  Giles had been right, he didn't like it. But he wasn't the only one.

  "Like hell you are!" Buffy said bluntly.

  "That's just not possible Xander! It's much too dangerous." Giles added.

  Not deterred an inch, Xander said with a obstinate set to his mouth, "Hey,
  I'm sorry to say it, but it's always going to be dangerous around here.
  Slayer or not." He turned to Buffy at this point and cut her off at the
  pass, "I've given this a lot of thought. You may be the Slayer, but you're
  not invincible. You're going to need some back up. You can't watch your
  back all the time and Angel's not around to come to the rescue."

  "Who said I need to be rescued by anyone?" she said outraged. She certainly

  didn't mind getting help, but Buffy was no damsel in distress and never
  would be.

  "Ah, Buff, do I really need to bring up last night?" Xander raised his
  eyebrows.

  Annoyed, nevertheless, she had the grace to look away.

  "Last night? What happened last night?" Giles asked uneasily.

  But he was ignored as Xander added, "Hey, besides it's not as if you
  haven't rescue me more times than I can count."

  "I still refuse to allow this." Buffy crossed her arms as if to signal that
  the discussion was closed.

  "I'm in this whether you allow it or not. I have been in this the day Jesse
  was killed and now since…since Willow, I'm in it more than ever. I won't
  walk away. I can't! Now I can go out there with you, with training; or I
  can go out there without you, without training. I know which one I prefer."

  Now Xander crossed HIS arms as if daring her to knock him unconscious
  every
  night to keep him from doing something stupid.

  Buffy looked helplessly at her Watcher. Giles had seemed superfluous up to
  this point in the argument. Now he sighed, "Maybe there's something to be
  said for training you Xander."

  Buffy threw up her arms in disgust.

  But Giles continued, "But you must really want this. You are not the
  Slayer. You're going to have to work harder and with more discipline than
  you ever have in your life. Can you accept this?"

  Xander seemed to mature before their very eyes, "I'll do whatever needs to
  be done Giles. I won't let you or Buffy down."

  Buffy softened, "Come here you." She pulled him into a tight hug then
  pulled away to look him directly in the eyes. "You could never let me down."

  "I can't lose you Buffy, not if I can help it," Xander uttered this so
  emotionally that Giles had to look away.

  "Do you have any idea what it would do to me, if something happened to you
  out there?" Buffy said seriously.

  "That's what this is about, so that I can maybe stop anything from
  happening to me or you. That's the point. There are no guarantees, but I
  think you were right about something you said last night."

  She raised one eyebrow. "Yah? What did my big mouth say that was so
  enlightening?"

  "Willow wouldn't have wanted me to feel sorry for myself." Xander grinned a
  little mischievously, "I think she'd rather have me feel the need to kick
  some major vampire hiney."