Willow didn't quite duck fast enough as a fist came flying toward her
  stopping inches from her perspiring face.

  "You've got to make sure that you're watching out for your blind side.
  Vampires don't exactly fight fair," Angel warned shaking his head. He
  relaxed his fighting stance dropping his fist harmlessly from her face.

  Several months ago Willow had begun Vampires 101- all the survival skills
  that "good" vampires needed to know. Angel taught her everything he could
  to prepare her for the kind of life that she would be leading as a vampire.
  That included learning how to fight.

  Tonight had been one of their more exhausting training sessions. For the
  last four hours they had been honing Willow's self-defense skills. When
  Angel first began helping Willow learn the extent of the changes within
  herself, her strengths and weaknesses, it had come as a surprise to both of
  them to discover that she was stronger than your ordinary run-of-the-mill
  vampire. It was just another one of those awful, fascinating
  characteristics about Willow which separated her from other vampires. She
  had made huge leaps and bounds in adjusting to her vampire body. Despite
  this though she was beginning to feel the strain of the strenuous work out.

  "Angel," Willow groaned, "I swear if we go for much longer I'm gonna scream."
 

  "O.k., you wimp," he teased, his eyes laughing, "we'll call it a night."

  "Wimp! Oh…never mind I know you're doing that thing-y where you tease me
  and I'm supposed to respond by saying something like 'I'm not a wimp, bring
  it on!' Well this wimp has finished for the evening." She dropped to the
  floor of the workout room in a mock collapse.

  Angel gave a chuckle at Willow's antics. There was still a part of her that
  could be silly despite everything she had gone through. < Thank god for
  that, > he thought fondly.

  It had been a difficult nine months since Brother Lugo had agreed to help
  them. While the monk had been meticulous in going through his massive
  store of books that had been collected by his order for centuries, he had
  not yet found anything in reference to Willow's situation. Willow knew
  there were books in his possession which Giles, or any Watcher worth his
  salt, would have given his eye-teeth to own. She often spent time
  researching with Brother Lugo. But it was just as well that Willow was now
  immortal because there were books enough to keep her searching for a life
  time.

  She hadn't lost hope though. Besides researching with Brother Lugo, she had

  been extremely busy adjusting to her new life in Rome. She and Angel were
  living in a house that he had kept over the years. Willow had always been
  curious about the mundane part of how Angel and other vampires lived. Now
  she knew.

  It had surprised her to find out that Angel had more than one house
  scattered around the world. Home for him merely meant a sanctuary -
  completely safe from daylight and the world outside. So the house had
  started out as a stark place. But once Willow had started to feel
  accustomed to living there, she changed all that. She added her own
  personal touches that added warmth and the sense of a real home. It was
  funny but she had begun to think of this as home and not, as she had first
  felt after leaving Sunnydale, the place to which she had been exiled.

  Angel went into the kitchen and brought out a snack. "Here," he tossed over
  a bag of blood to her.

  She caught it automatically. Willow sighed gratefully after taking a long
  drink, "You know, I didn't think that anything could be more
  thirst-quenching than Gatorade, but it sure hits the spot. Gatorade for
  vampires? Hmmm. Do you think we could get them to market that?"

  That she could joke, even a little, about drinking blood was a testament of
  how far Willow had come in learning to live with what she was. In the
  beginning, she loathed her need for blood but now she saw it merely as a
  part of her subsistence. Now it was only the vampire instinct to go for the
  warm blood pulsing in the body of a person that she loathed.

  After slaking her thirst, Willow became aware of how sweaty and gross she
  felt from the long hours of physical activity. She cringed slightly, "Ugh!
  I have got to take a shower."

  "Yes, now that you've shattered my illusions about the whole men sweat and
  women only glisten thing," Angel said in a mock serious tone.

  She swatted him with a pillow as she padded to her room to shower and
  change.
  Once done she went to the living room and opened the thick shutters to the
  balcony doors and stepped outside.

  It was one of her favorite times of the night, when there was a hush of
  quiet stillness over everything. There was a kind of serenity to it that
  she liked. She stood gazing at the misty light of the crescent moon when a
  childhood memory flashed through her mind.

  When they were about ten, she and Xander had camped outside in Willow's
  backyard one summer night. They had both thought it was such an adventure.

  Xander had delighted in telling spooky camp stories to her. Willow had been
  so frightened that she wouldn't sleep, hearing a monster in every breath of
  wind. When he realized that she was really scared, Xander simply told her
  that nothing could happen to her as long as they stayed together. It had
  comforted her as nothing else could and in a contented silence, they had
  both laid in their sleeping bags looking up at the crescent moon peaking in
  and out of the clouds until they fell asleep.

  She brushed away a errant tear. < God, I miss him. > Xander's absence from
  her life after long years of loving him, of seeing him practically everyday
  had been hard to deal with. It had gotten easier but at times like this
  when something sparked a memory of their times together, it pained her all
  over again.

  Willow often wondered about Xander. About how he felt reading the letter
  she had left for him. She hoped it was comforting since she knew that her
  "death" would have been hardest on him. She had wrote that letter long
  before she had been captured by the Anointed One. It was one of those
  things that someone living on the Hellmouth should do - fill out a donor
  card, make a will, write a letter to your best friend telling him of your
  secret love for him.

  In a fit of cowardice she had almost destroyed the letter before she left.
  She wasn't really dead, yet Willow knew that it had to be a clean break.
  She would never be coming back. So in the end she just couldn't leave him
  without so much as a word of how much he meant to her.

  She had long decided that maybe it was for the best that Xander hadn't
  clued in on her feelings and reciprocated them. < It had been so hard
  leaving him as it was. If I knew that Xander loved me too would I have been
  able to leave him then? Would I have been able to do what Angel did? >

  She understood the magnitude of Angel's sacrifice. Leaving Buffy couldn't
  have been easy, yet Willow just didn't know how she would have been able to
  go through all this without him.

  There were some days when she had felt tormented with her longings. It was
  as if she were overcoming an unrelenting addiction and all she could do was
  seclude herself to keep from acting on her bloodlust. Those times when she
  had felt out of control, Angel's presence, his understanding of what she
  was fighting against kept her from teetering over the edge. His friendship
  and wonderful support of her through everything was one part in her chaotic
  life that had remained constant.

  "Hey."

  Willow was startled. She hadn't even been aware that Angel had joined her
  on the balcony. "Oh, hi. I didn't hear you come out." Not wanting him to
  see that she had been upset she turned away as she said this looking
  intently at the moon.

  But Angel was too sensitive to her moods. "Are you alright?" he asked.

  "Yah," Willow gave a gusty sigh. "I was just remembering a time when Xander

  and I were kids and we had camped out under a moon like this one."

  "Oh." Angel didn't know what else to say.

  They had both spoken about Buffy and Xander a couple of times. However, it
  was a subject that was often avoided, as if they were trying not to pick at
  the scabs of a healing wound. But unable to help it now, Willow questioned
  him hesitantly. "Angel? Since we've been here, have you thought about going
  back to Sunnydale at all?"

  The question implicit within the question was about whether he thought
  about being back with Buffy. < I wonder what brought this on? > Angel
  thought curiously. Carefully he answered her, "No, not anymore. There's
  nothing back there for me."

  "That's not true. You'd still be there with Buffy if it hadn't been for..."

  Angel cut her off, "No Willow. Don't even go there."

  "But, Angel!" She tried to argue but again he hushed her.

  "There are no buts. Besides you, better than anyone, would know that it
  could never have worked out."

  "It doesn't have to be that way. Not for you."

  "Why do you think there can ever be a future for me and Buffy when you
  absolutely refuse to even allow a possibility of one for you and Xander?"

  With quiet resignation Willow said, "Because Xander never loved me the way
  Buffy loved you."

  It was at that moment when the phone rang inside. They looked at one
  another. Angel didn't want to leave the conversation as it was, but it
  wasn't often that they got calls. Usually it meant something important.
  Still Angel hesitated before going inside to answer it. Willow used the few
  moments alone to compose herself before joining him just as he hung up the
  phone.

  "That was Brother Lugo." There was a tense note in Angel's voice that told
  her it was more than just a social call. "We have to go over there right
  away."

  *~*~*~*

  "I'm glad you're both here," Brother Lugo said as Willow and Angel entered
  his library. "I finally found something. There's a source that refers to
  the fact that there has been at least one other kind of your change."

  Willow glowed with eagerness. "Where?"

  He showed them a ragged, ancient-looking book. "In the late 10th century
  there was a powerful vampire named Rapano who lived in Ravenna. He
  evidently possessed great power and had nearly obtained the status of a
  Master. Well this Rapano became obsessed with a young girl. He tried to
  make her into a vampire. But like you Willow, this girl refused to take his
  blood."

  Brother Lugo stopped and explained almost admiringly, "You must
  understand
  that the reason that there are not more cases like yours, Willow, is that
  it is impossibly rare for a person to resist becoming a vampire. It takes a
  pure soul and an extraordinary will."

  Willow blushed at this.

  He resumed the story. "On the verge of death, the girl seemed about to
  escape Rapano's plans for her. Enraged, the vampire cut into her stomach,
  poured his blood into her and she awoke as a vampire. The reason we know
  anything of her is that she escaped Rapano and went to a priest for help.
  The priest only wrote a brief part of her story, but he did say that, like
  you, this girl retained her soul. It seems that she later, and this part is
  somewhat unclear, it seems she ended up killing herself after destroying
  Rapano."

  This did nothing to hearten Willow, "She killed herself? I was kinda hoping
  for the happy ending to this story."

  He paused as if troubled, "The priest included this warning or rather a
  prophesy of sorts:

  'There shall be another like her who striking down the evil of Rapano, died
  by her own hand. Although unnatural and tainted by the presence of the foul
  demon, for the one not damned by soullessness whose soul is innocent,
  there
  is yet hope. The beast may be destroyed from within by the purest font.

  O Innocent One - vanquish the demon lest thy soul succumb and be
  destroyed
  by the evil of thy sire. For then un-ending darkness shall fall.' "

  There was a tension filled silence as they each pondered the words of
  warning and prophesy. Willow took the manuscript from him and read over the

  words again.

  "I've double checked the translation. I've also tried to corroborate this
  with other sources. But this is the only thing that I could find that
  mentions this girl, Rapano or this prophesy. You must certainly be the
  'innocent soul' that this predicts. And-and," Brother Lugo cleared his
  throat, "It does not seem to be all THAT enigmatic for a prophesy, but
  well..." his voice trailed off.

  < 'Destroy from within'? > Realization dawned on Willow and she slowly sank
  into a chair. "Its holy water, isn't it?" she looked up at Brother Lugo.
  "The 'purest font'? I have to drink holy water."

  Brother Lugo nodded in agreement.

  Aghast Angel shook his head, "Willow! You know what holy water would do to

  you." He dropped down on one knee next to her chair and looking up into her
  face he said earnestly, "You need to think this through. Prophesies are
  never as straight forward as they seem. 'Saving' yourself is probably a-a
  euphemism for killing yourself like that other girl did. By drinking holy
  water you'll destroy the demon and the bloodlust all right, but YOU might
  be destroyed along with them. You can't risk your life based on that
  prophesy."

  Willow looked at him mutely, fear warring with hope in her eyes. She looked
  over at Brother Lugo. The apprehensive look on his face reflected the fact
  that he shared Angel's concerns.

  Willow faltered. Staring sightlessly at the floor she weighed her options.
  It was a horrible chance that she would be taking. She would be gambling
  her life, such as it was, on the questionable words of a prophesy. If this
  ended up killing her, it wouldn't be a quick stab in the heart with a
  stake. Ingesting the holy water would be an agonizing death. However,
  Willow took very seriously the prophecy's words of warning. While she had
  learned a little more discipline now, taping down on the demon and her
  yearnings with a ruthless self-control, it seemed to her that there was a
  constant battle between her soul and her demon. Thus far her soul was
  dominant, but she could never afford to become complacent. Ever. Despite
  everything, beyond the desire to live, beyond the will to survive, she felt
  that if this killed her perhaps it was for the best.

  < If this DID work I won't ever have to wonder if my demon might break free
  and someday take over my soul. I would rather die than let that happen! >
  It was something she would never say aloud to Angel, something that she
  hadn't considered for a long time. She made her decision.

  "I can't take the chance that what that prophesy says will come true, that
  I will lose what control I have over my demon. I have to do it." She looked
  first to Angel and then Brother Lugo. "Now."

  Angel was speechless. He looked for some way to try and convince her that
  this was madness. But her set face told him that he would be wasting his
  breath.

  Brother Lugo poured some holy water into a small cup placing it on the
  table before her. Then he took Willow's hand, squeezed it for luck before
  leaving them in the room alone. He had come to care for and respect her. He
  never thought he would say that about a vampire. If this worked it would
  indeed be a miracle. If not he didn't wish to be present to see it. Brother
  Lugo went to pray for a miracle.

  Angel stood staring at the cup on the table in front of Willow in disbelief
  that she was going to go through with this.

  Willow's voice brought his gaze back to her as she came to his side. "I
  have to try this," she said begging for understanding. "But if-if it
  doesn't work, I don't want you here. I want you to leave while I do this."

  Angel nodded mutely in consent of her wishes. < This must work. If anyone
  can get through it, it's Willow, > he thought to himself as he pulled her
  close, hugging her fiercely.

  Willow felt an immeasurable calm descend on her. Drawing back from him a
  little, her luminous blue eyes locked on his black ones. She put her palm
  against his cheek, and then she drew him into a kiss. Soft, tender and
  chaste, it was a kiss of pure friendship. It lasted less than a heartbeat
  before she pulled away.

  "I'm not going to say good-bye," Angel said hoarsely. "I'll be right
  outside. Call me when its through," he said reassuringly, although unsure
  if it was for her benefit or his own.

  As he reluctantly left the room, Willow gave him a wavering smile. She
  waited a few minutes and then she took a deep breath and brought the cup to
  her lips.