I walked around the playground, trying to keep my eye on all fourteen kids in my class, especially the new little boy, Chase. I hadn't seen him come in this morning, but the teacher I worked with told me he came in with the birds, first thing when the day care opened, and he did not want his daddy to leave him. He seemed happy enough now, running around throwing woodchips at the other kids, stealing toys and acting like every other two-year-old."Chase!" Miss Emily called to the boy every two or three minutes. "Please try to remember we need to be nice to our friends." Chase would look up at her, his blue eyes full of mischief, he'd smile, and turn around to hit one of his classmates. Emily would just glare at him for a second or two, not having the heart to put him in time-out on his first day.
"Come 'ere, you!" I caught Chase in my arms and held him. "What do you think you're doing terrorizing the other kids like that? Don't you want them to like you?"
"I want my daddy," he patted my head with a soft touch, like an angel or a butterfly landing in my hair. The sensation crashed through me nearly throwing me back four years to...No! I would not think of that now!
I closed my eyes and put Chase on his feet. My head was swimming, swirling like a whirlpool. "Em, I'm gonna run to the bathroom."
"Okay," Emily smiled and went to see why Courtney was crying. Chase was standing beside her, he had probably hit her. I just shook my head and started for the door. I felt like I was about to pass out from the sudden roaring in my head.
"I come with you!" a tiny voice called out to me. I had hoped to sneak out before she knew I was going. I should have known better.
I turned back at the door, holding it open with my foot and leaning into it because I felt like I needed it to keep me from melting into a puddle on the floor. "No, baby. I'm going to the big-girl potty. You stay here with Miss Emily."
"Mommy! Take me with you!" my daughter pleaded me, her bright eyes wide with the fear of being left behind. Her father's eyes.
I closed my eyes briefly, and his face popped into my mind. I hit my forehead against the door and looked down at the child, his last gift to me. "Stop it, Angel. Mommy will be right back."
"Liz?" Emily came toward me holding Courtney. "Are you all right? You look a little pale."
I nodded. I know the only reason she said something was because I snapped at Loren. "I just need to get a drink and I'll be all right."
Emily put Courtney down, much to her dismay, and picked Loren up. I thanked her with a smile and a soft kiss on Loren's cheek, then I slipped through the door ignoring my daughter's cries to go with me.
I went to the bathroom and just stood there leaning on the counter, supporting myself on my arms. I was shaking and disoriented, all because a little kid touched my hair. But it felt like...it felt the same as when...No!
No! I screamed and slammed my palm on the counter top. I will not think of him! I will not! "Damn you, Lucky Spencer!" I screamed at my reflection in the mirror then hit my knees on the bathroom floor.