Marlena gave Roman a quick, darting glance and moved towards John.
"Please take me home," she stated with tears in her eyes. He smiled a sympathetic and understanding smile and put his arm around her as she leaned into him. They walked over to Abe, who was mentally preparing to tell her the bad news - more bad news.
"Marlena, Kristen has escaped somehow," Abe said looking first at John and then tentatively at Marlena. She didn't visibly react so he continued, "John and I are very concerned about your safety. I know you want to be with the children but I think you ought to stay at a hotel where I can place a guard outside your door. John will go with you, of course."
"So this is how it's going to be? We are going to be looking over our shoulders for the rest of our lives," her voice was low and laden with sadness and bitterness. No one said anything and she looked up at them with pools of tears in her eyes, on the verge of spilling down her cheeks and whispered, "He won't rest until he gets what he wants. He is never going to leave me alone."
John grabbed her to him placing her inches from his face and with calculated intensity stated,. "And we won't rest until we catch him. I will not let him hurt you again Doc."
She nodded and closed her eyes briefly, enough to cause the tears to spill down her cheeks but she stepped back from him, gathering strength from his words, and quickly swiped them away. She turned to Shawn and Caroline who had been listening to the exchange. "You won't mind if the children stay here?"
"Not at all dear," both Shawn and Caroline offered sympathetically and sincerely. Caroline and Marlena exchanged a lingered look that held much hidden meaning. Marlena knew well enough that Caroline would like to see her with Roman again and Marlena was just terribly confused and exhausted. She looked from Caroline to John.
"Listen John, why don't I stay here and tuck the children into bed. You and Abe can take care of a hotel. We'll need clothes. I'll just wait here for you to come back. I'm a little hungry so maybe I'll have a bite to eat."
"Nope, I don't want to leave you alone," he replied.
"I won't be alone," she mused, "and I'm sure Abe can send an officer to stand outside the pub if you're that concerned."
"That won't be a problem John. I can call right now." Before John could say anything, Shawn piped in with an authority that no one questioned,
"Marlena sit down. John and I will take these children up to bed and Caroline will fix you a plate of food. We'll take care of our girl now John. You don't have to worry about her."
By the time John came downstairs, Abe was outside talking to the officer he'd dispatched. Marlena and Caroline were sipping tea and Roman was hunched over his food, with his back turned to everyone delighting in the fact that he was going to get to talk to Marlena after all.
John came over to Marlena and she rose to meet him.
"I'll be back soon Doc and we are going to start our lives together and nothing and no one is going to stop us. That is a promise." They kissed gently, quickly but with unmistakable tenderness and then, still holding on to Marlena he winked and smiled at Caroline. "I think I can get used to this," the understatement apparent in his voice, "Now Caroline, don't you let her out of your sight."
She smiled tenderly at him, "I won't." Both of the women's eyes followed him until he was gone. Marlena sat down and played with her tea. Caroline looked at her until Marlena looked up allowing their eyes to meet. Caroline looked over her shoulder at Roman and quietly got up and left the two of them alone.
Marlena began to play with her tea bag and Roman, still sitting halfway across the room with his back to her, was uncertain if he should make the first move. Marlena broke the silence, "Well, here we are." He turned around and got up.
"Doc-" he started coming towards her but she cut him off with her hand and she rose from her chair. Her voice was deliberate, the tenor there expressing anger and hurt.
"I can not believe you allowed us to think you were dead. Not only that Roman, but that you were tortured and suffered miserably beforehand. Do you have any idea what that did to me? Do you have any idea how I blamed myself?"
"Please give me a chance to explain. Doc, I was hoping that the letter I sent would absolve that guilt. I meant every word I wrote. I forgive you. I forgive John. You have my blessing if that's what you want, what you need. I know it was an impossible situation that we all handled badly but I've come to realize that no one is to blame. I took out everything I was feeling about the circumstance on you. I shouldn't have done that and I won't lie, I still love you. I think about you all the time and I want you back."
"Don't do that. Don't do that Roman," she said, eyes filling with tears and running down her face, "God, we have so much to deal with, I don't even know where to start. I have wanted to be with John for so long and here you are and we have so much unresolved business and I'm just feeling terribly confused."
"You are?" There was a hint of hopefulness in his voice. She nodded and wiped away the tears as he continued. "Doc it's true. I love you so much. I was wrong to leave you, to not work things out." Marlena winced at the words and turned her back to him. As he continued, the pain of what he said could be read on her face. "I was so angry, felt so betrayed, not just by you and John, but by the world, by God and I just didn't know how to handle it. I was a afraid that if I let you back in that I'd just be setting myself up for more pain, but Doc, being away from you is the worse pain I have ever known. I know I've probably lost you for good but I need to tell you how sorry I am for leaving you, how sorry I am for being so angry and bitter, even before the affair." He was whispering now, standing behind her, his face mere inches from her ear with his hands gripping her shoulders, "As much as I hate it, I know you love him. I know you want to be with him but I believe in my heart, if I'd stayed we would be together, we would have gotten through it and we would still be together because despite everything, I never stopped loving you. I hope you will forgive me for not doing that, for not staying."
She turned to him now, "Oh yes, I forgive you for that," she said sadly. She was really crying now as she looked at him. "I'm so glad you're okay," she blurted out, relief bursting forth. He brushed her hair from her face as he spoke.
"Doc, listen to me. I'm so sorry that I led you to believe I was dead but we are so close to catching DiMera and putting him away forever. If he suspects for a second that I'm alive, he is going to slip through our fingers again." He drew her to him and hugged her. She wasn't expecting these feelings but she felt such relief and release in that embrace.
"So you're undercover to catch Stefano," she stated flatly. What he would have given at that moment to just erase it all - everything that had come between them so that he could pick her up and carry her upstairs and love her for the rest of his life.
"I'm so sorry Doc. You weren't supposed to know. The last thing I want to do is disrupt your life. I'm doing all of this for you. I don't want that madman to cause you anymore pain." She closed her eyes and put her hands over her face and then rubbed them through her hair. She was tired and overwhelmed.
"I think I need some coffee," she stated and he went to make her some. She sat down at a table and propped her chin up with her elbows as Roman rummaged around behind the bar continuing his explanation.
"You know, I really was a prisoner in a terrorist camp in the Middle East." This got her attention. "They nearly killed me Doc and they would have if I hadn't been rescued. When I was in there, suffering the most horrible humiliation and pain of my life, I had a revelation. It was the turning point for me. I suddenly began to see everything so clearly - what mattered, what didn't - how pigheaded and stubborn I've been all my life, putting things first that should have been second, putting things second that should have been first. I mean I know I'm not to blame for the things that have happened to me, but I am to blame for the way I've reacted to them. I know it may not seem to you that I've changed because of what I've been willing to put everyone through to catch Stefano, but once this is done I'm through. I wouldn't even be doing this but right after I recovered from my ordeal, I got word from Shane that you'd been kidnapped again. That was last summer and before that I just assumed that you and John were together. ISA wanted a man to operate a clandestine mission to find him and I jumped at the chance because I thought I might be able to save you and settle an old score, of course, but I was more concerned about you. While I was working on that I realized you and John weren't together, that he was with Kristen but that she was a true DiMera after all and in cahoots with Stefano. It took me a while to really figure out what she was up to. John found you before I had a chance to make a move and you went back to Salem. I knew about the ordeal with Will too but I also knew Stefano wasn't dead. I've been staking him since then. I made a pact that I was going to get him, for you, for me, for the children and for John. Shane and I came up with a way and my "death" and me being here now is part of that. You finding out wasn't."
"Oh Roman, I don't know what to say, but you can't ask me to keep this from John. I can't. I won't. You have no idea what he and I have been through to get to where we are now. The three of us are not going to let what happened to us cause anymore unnecessary problems. We have done nothing but handle this situation badly."
"What are you saying Doc? Are you saying there is a chance for us?"
"Roman, don't do this. I love you. I always will but I'm in love with John and I want to be with him. God, I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have so, yes, I'm confused. I am so relieved to have your forgiveness. I never wanted or meant to hurt you and now here you are, standing in front of me again and you aren't angry anymore and you still love me and I have moved on with my life. John and I have overcome incredible odds to be where we are at this moment. Only tonight were we able to tell each other how we really feel and it seems like I have been waiting for that moment for an eternity. The time that you have been away has been very difficult for all of us. We all have so much healing to do and I'm so glad you will be here to be a part of that. I want all of us to reach a point where we can finally put the past behind us and get on with it. We all have so much living to do."
"I see," he said handing her the coffee he'd brewed while they were talking and he sat down beside her at the table.
"You know Doc, I was watching you tonight when you got here with John to pick up Belle and Brady. You looked happier than I've ever seen you looked in your life, except maybe after the twins were born," he laughed a little in remembrance and she smiled. " I was happy for you but I was sad for me, sad that it wasn't me standing beside you, the one making you that happy. You are so beautiful and on top of that you are the most wonderful and bright person I know and I was thinking that the biggest regret of my life was divorcing you. I was such a fool."
"No," she said sternly, "what John and I did was wrong. We should have been stronger. Don't you start blaming yourself."
"Come on Doc, you are going to tell me that it wouldn't have happened sooner or later with the way things were between us all?" She knew he was right and her silence was the only agreement he needed. He looked away from her, feeling that pain he felt all over again and she reached over and touched his cheek and their eyes met as she almost whispered,
"I really didn't want you to leave. I so wanted you to stay. It has nearly killed me inside all these years living with the pain that I caused you and then thinking that that pain was what caused you to die. You didn't deserve that." She stood up now as she continued and he followed behind her.
"And then in the midst of all that pain and sorrow, I get this letter from you," she said turning to him now with a love-filled expression, her voice still a whisper, "and you set me free. It was such a wonderful gift, and now here you are and you are still in love with me." She turned away again and raised her voice as she finished, "How many times in this life am I going to be faced with the same choice? I cannot be with you both."
Her words stunned them both. When she turned to him she smiled sadly and his expression was one of genuine empathy. Neither spoke for a moment.
"You look ridiculous," she finally said, wiping away the tears.
"See what lengths I go to for you Doc," he mused.
"I do," she said, a reply that was filled with a lifetime of meaning. Her eyes filled with tears again.
"John will be back soon," she offered, knowing that he still hadn't conceded to her unwavering decision to tell him the truth.
"Shane isn't going to like it, but I can't ask you to lie to him. I thought I could, but I can't."
"Thank you, because I couldn't have done it."
"I understand. Listen Doc, you know how I feel and I was fool enough and pigheaded enough to not stay and work things out with you. You didn't deserve that and I want you to be happy. You know the saying, if you love someone let them go. . . well that's what I'm going to try to do. It's not going to be easy and part of me thinks I should fight like hell to get you back but I know you love him and you always will," he paused briefly and looked at her. She looked wounded but for him. "I know you love him more than you love me Doc and so you should be with him. I don't want you to feel anymore guilt or pain. I really didn't come here to confuse you or mess up your life."
"I know you didn't, I know you didn't. You are a wonderful man Roman, such a good man and I love you, I really do. I would not trade the time we had together for anything in the world. Life has just not been very kind to us. And now I believe in my heart and my head that I belong with John, but I know how painful it must be for you to hear me say that." She was actually feeling very confused in her head so she was letting her heart speak. She didn't want to give Roman false hope and she knew once she'd had some time alone with John, and some sleep, her head would be clear. She knew anyway and clearly that she would have to follow her heart this time and her heart belonged to John, but hurting Roman anymore than she already had was causing her to die inside all over again despite anything he might say to stop her from torturing herself about the circumstances and the way she'd handled them. No one could take away the guilt she felt, not even Roman, it was self-induced and as long as she lived she knew it would be there.
"I'm going to be okay. Don't you worry about me and don't you worry about Stefano. I'm going to nail that sonofabitch if it's the last thing I ever do."
With those words the bell on the door rang and Marlena and Roman looked at John and then at each other. Roman, dressed as Nellie Washburn, removed the wig that he was wearing now that John had relieved the cop that was guarding the door.
"Hi John," Roman said.
John looked at Roman and then at Marlena, who without a word confirmed that what he was seeing wasn't an illusion. John could also see that she'd been crying.
"What the hell is going on?" he asked.
"Would you like some coffee John?" Roman asked. John was visibly stunned as he made his way towards them, but he was as cool as ever.
"Sure," he replied walking to where they stood.
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