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Pat's PerspectivePete Carroll and Nick Stukas |  |
Of course, in order to be a head coach, you have to be a major jerk. Bill Walsh, the greatest football coach of all time, who seems like a friendly grandpa, is an exception to this rule. So is Bud Grant, who rarely said anything to anybody. So is Vince Lambardi, who looked like a grinning idiot. Almost every successful coach is an exception to this rule. Trust me.
Anyway, I figured that in order to understand Pete Carroll, to "see what makes him tick," we should get to know one of his players. I was unable to contact Drew Bledsoe, and Ben Coates still has that restraining order against me (I can prove the baby is yours, you bastard), so I had to dig a little deeper, and go to a former player. That's right- I interviewed Nick Stukas.
In case you've never heard of the illustrious Mr. Stukas, that's because his career as a basketball player ended after his fifth grade season of little league play in Bloomington, Minnesota. Pete Carroll was an assistant for the mighty playoff bust Vikings that season, and his son played on Nick's team. This basketball head-coaching job no doubt helped immeasurably when he went on to become an NFL head coach. I played in the same league that year, but on the team my dad coached. Unfortunately, my dad has not also gone on to head coaching in the NFL. Man, that would be cool. Anyway, here is an edited transcript of the interview:
ME: So, Nick, what was Pete Carroll like?
NICK: He was pretty cool. He took us out for pizza after our last
game. It was fun.
ME: Did you make it to the Super Bowl?
NICK: This was little league basketball. And no, I think we lost in
the first round of the playoffs or something.
ME: I've seen that before.
NICK: Huh?
ME: So, in your opinion, was Pete Carroll a good coach?
NICK: I guess so, yeah. Although he did seem to play me a lot,
considering how bad I was.
ME: So you didn't get the feeling that if you screwed up, you might be
cut from the team or traded to New Orleans? Because when Parcells was
in charge, anybody who had a momentary slip might be replaced by a
former Giant at a moment's notice.
NICK: There were no cuts or trades. Plus, I think there was some kind
of rule that you had to play everybody a certain amount of time.
ME: When the Patriots drafted Tebucky Jones, there was speculation that
Carroll is just the owner's bitch. Your feelings?
NICK: Who? Owner?
ME: The Patriots have been plagued by injuries this season. Do you
think that they're really injured, or are they just faking because their
coach doesn't scare the crap out of them and they want to avoid actually
playing?
NICK: Dude, seriously, Pat, what the hell are you talking about?
ME: When players were injured, would Carroll let them sit? Or would he
do what a good coach should do, pump them full of addictive painkillers
and send them out to play on a mashed knee, thus possibly rendering them
a cripple for life? That's the Parcells way.
NICK: Uh, I guess he would let us sit. We were ten years old.
Although I guess, one time, I fell and skinned my knee. Pete gave me a
band-aid and told me to tough it out.
ME: Tough it out? SWEET.
See, readers? Are you out there, Patriots owner Bob Kraft? Pete Carroll does have a tough side. He told a ten year old kid to "tough it out." He probably kicks puppies on his way to work, too. No need to fire him- he's got a cold heart just like Bill Parcells. Thank God there are still evil men in this world to take all of the fun out sports.
© 1997 ditchhall@hotmail.com
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