Comments from a Jerk

Why I Haven't Written in a Month
11/23/98


the jerk
Yeah yeah, I know I haven't written in a while and I have my reasons. I'm sorry if I let down my fan. Sometimes even a prick like me needs to go on vacation and that I did. These Minnesota winters can begin to get a person down so I figured I'd leave until it started. The joy of fall was getting me bummed out. If I had to see another family out on a drive looking at the fall colors…I just wouldn't like to see that. And enough flannel already.

So I got on a plane and I was off to Quebec. I figured, it's cold up there and maybe I could pick up some jerk tips from those French-Canadians. Man I was right. They crossed into new realms of being a prick.

When I arrived, my cabby, Jean Claud, picked me up. I wasn't quite sure of my hotel's address and I must say he was pissed. He mumbled under his breath about me and failed to give me the change I asked for. I was pretty impressed. My vacation might not have been a waste of money after all. Which in itself was unfortunate because I was charging it all to the owners of this site as a business expense.

The hotel was a rattrap and had a view of nothing. I slept poorly so the next day I was in a pretty bad state of mind. I soon found out that Quebec had nothing to see in the way of anything. I pretty much stayed in that flee bag room the whole 3 weeks. It had a weird smell that kept mutating so I never quite became immune. Needless to say I had a pretty good time. I felt at home for the first time in many many years. I was tempted to stay but I knew it would never work. There I'm just another asshole. I'm not even a very good one. So I packed up and came back. I even failed to pay my hotel bill. They seemed pretty mad when I ran out but I think they appreciated it being asses themselves.

So yeah, now I'm back. It's cold and people seem pretty melancholy. It's gonna be a long winter.

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