Well, all you people out there are lucky this week. I'm in a writing mood so I think I'll add yet another article to my page. This time it's on hosting. I'll tell you what I've learned and maybe someday, when you co-host a poorly produced talk show, say on the WB, you can benefit form my minimal experience. I'll brake it down for you.
Now this is the main point. If and when you forget everything else I wrote here, try, for God's sake, remember this point. Never, and I mean ever, come off like you're a funny guy. And let me tell you why. Unless you're actually really funny, you'll look like an ass hole. And I don't mean your funny like your friends think you're "da bomb." If the best thing they can say about you is, "whoa dude, Dennis is really funny especially when he does his homosexual nerd voice to make fun of my little brother ." This type of "humor" doesn't translate well. Trust me, I've tried. I can't tell you how many times I've called a guy "thexy" on the air to get a laugh. It just doesn't work people. But seriously, I'll tell you why it doesn't work. If you come off like you're not trying to be funny, and you're not funny, who cares. You will look like an unfunny person just talking. Then, if you say something funny, you look like some sort of comic genus…maybe. On the other hand if you come off like this master comedian, and you aren't funny, which I'm sure you aren't, you look like a jerk and it's painful to see. Watching someone talk who thinks they're funny and isn't, is about the comic equivalent of a vivisection. If you ain't funny, shut up or don't act like you are. Go back to being the class clown or whatever. It's more your speed.
This goes to another point, if you're a moron, please don't go on television. If you're not funny but you're smart at least you can talk like you have a brain. If you're not funny and you're stupid, what are you? You should be home watching television not being on it. I'm sure you couldn't entertain even you.
But once again, I digress, this is about my experience hosting this show. One thing I sure learned that 13 year old boys don't ever have anything to say and all share the same voice box. It's kind of scary. That being the case make sure you have the ability to speak on and on about things that don't really matter. It's a very important skill to have. Especially while dating. This way you can talk the whole time and never have to hear what they have to say. This will also make sure no one will ever have sex with you. That could prove to be a down side though. Now speaking of sex, you must be prepared to not get any anyway if you wish to be funny. Comedy and sex are complete polar opposites. If you spend time thinking about sex all the time the only comedy to come of it will be what a joke your sex life really is. Face it, you're ugly.
Well, that's all for now, I'll probably come back to this topic at a later date. I guess I just ran out of things to say on this subject. I just want you aspiring comics out there to remember comedy is a lonely business. It's like becoming a priest. If you want women, become a banker or something.
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