Richard Garfield vs. Bill Gates (Sept. 6)

Lady Lita: And I'm Lady Lita. Welcome to the Arena's very first match! We'll be your announcers for this important event.

Prince Saturn Warrior: That's right, Lady. And who will be competing in our very first match?

Lady Lita: The nerdy creator of Magic: the Gathering, Richard Garfield, versus the nerdy founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates.

Prince Saturn Warrior: Yes! It's the Battle of the Nerds here at the Arena. And I see entering through the north entrance is Richard, with discoordinated socks as usual.

Lady Lita: And the crowd goes wild! They've started throwing M:tG booster packs into the arena.

Prince Satrun Warrior: Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?

Lady Lita: No clue. Now here comes Bill through the south entrance, and he seems to be accompanied by a man dressed completely in black. I can't see his face.

Prince Saturn Warrior: Well, I'm pretty sure we'll find out who he is soon. The female referee is entering the field...

Lady Lita: Since when did we have a referee? Especially one with such long blond hair?

Prince Saturn Warrior: Hm. *Presses a button in the booth. The ref is knocked into the stands by a giant squishy mallet.*

Lady Lita: Nice. So let's get this show on the road. Prince?

Prince Saturn Warrior: What?

Lady Lita: Ring the bell to start the match!

Prince Saturn Warrior: I thought you were going to do it.

Lady Lita: Well, you do it!

Prince Saturn Warrior: Why can't you?

Lady Lita: *Shoves the blade of her battle axe up to Prince Saturn Warrior's throat.* Because I'm not the one who'll be dead in ten seconds if you don't!

Prince Saturn Warrior: Alright, Alright! But you ring it next time! *Walks up to the big bell, grabs the big stick, and*

Let the battle commence!

Lady Lita: Gnob?

Prince Saturn Warrior: Sorry. Hit it backwards! Let me try again...

Let the battle commence!

Prince Saturn Warrior: That was fun!

Lady Lita: And Bill has started to throw CD-ROMs at Richard.

Prince Saturn Warrior: What kind?

Lady Lita: Microsoft Office 98.

Prince Saturn Warrior: That villainous dog!

Lady Lita: And Richard is...taking off his shoes?

Prince Saturn Warrior: He must be wearing the legendary Socks of Garfield; the very socks that inspired him to create M:tG. The power! THE POWER!

Lady Lita: Sometimes I worry about you, Prince.

Prince Saturn Warrior: Richard is taking off the legendary socks and...Oh my goodness! He ran up to Bill and shoved the socks in Bill's face!

Bill Gates: NOOOOOOOOOO! The stench! It's too much!

Richard Garfield: That's the sweet smell of success!

Dark Figure: They don't stink as much as Fallen Empires did, though.

Lady Lita: Oh my. Richard looks stunned at the voice. The dark man is taking off the scarf covering his face and...

Richard Garfield: IN SERRA'S NAME! TOM WYLIE! *Drops his socks.*

Tom Wylie: Yes. The one who always spoils your little game by making the cards within useless with my fanatic rules changes! Now the time has come to seal your fate. *Whips out a bazooka, pointed at Richard's head."

Prince Saturn Warrior: Oh no! What can possibly stop Tom from doing such a thing?

Voice from above: Hold it right there!

Tom Wylie: Who the hell?

Lady Lita and Prince Saturn Warrior: *Look up*

Crowd: SAILOR MOON!!!

Sailor Moon *Parachuting into the arena*: For threatening to blow up a designer of such a fun and expensive card game I cannot forgive you! I'm Sailor Moon,

Tom Wylie's bazooka: WHOOOMPSH!

Sailor Moon: and in the name of the m...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Lady Lita: Oh! Tom Wylie just bazookaed Sailor Moon's parachute in mid soliloquy and has sent her plummeting towards the earth at breakneck speed!

Prince Saturn Warrior: I'm just glad those things only have one shot. And Sailor Moon falls...

Sailor Moon and Bill Gates: OOMPH!

Prince Saturn Warrior: ...right on top of Bill Gates. And Tom is not happy with this one bit.

Lady Lita: I agree. He looks pissed. And he's taking somthing out of his pocket...

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