Richard Garfield vs. Bill Gates (Sept. 6)
Part 3

Lady Lita: Oh the humanity! There are flaming Care Bear corpses all over the arena!

Sailor Moon: You who roast Care Bears into crispy critters must be of the worst evil! I cannot forgive you!

Prince Saturn Warrior: And Sailor Moon gets up from her hotdogs, reaches for the Cutie Moon Rod, then remebers Bill still has it!

Bill Gates: Hello.

Lady Lita: Bill? What are you doing in the announcer's booth?

Prince Saturn Warrior: Well, I think we still have to cover him.

Lady Lita: Alright. Bill Gates renders my co-host unconscious by whacking him over the head with the Cutie Moon Rod. Now Bill shoves Prince Saturn Warrior out of his chair, and sits down in it himself.

Bill Gates: And Bill looks at the control panel for the "Giant Squishy Mallet" section.

Lady Lita: Are you sure you should be announcing yourself, Bill?

Bill Gates: I'll do whatever I feel like doing! Bill is now reaching for a random button on the console and...

Tom Wylie: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Lady Lita: A giant squishy mallet just knocked Tom Wylie out of the Arena. Bill must be very disappointed.

Bill Gates: Shut up!

Prince Saturn Warrior(regaining consciousness): How dare you tell my co-host to shut up! *Whacks Bill repeatedly with his staff*

Lady Lita: And Sailor Moon is running into the announcer's booth.

Bill Gates: Ouch! Ooch! Ow! Ah! Jeez!

Sailor Moon: I can take it from here, Prince. You who would tell the gorgeous Lady Lita here...

Lady Lita: Thank you.

Sailor Moon: ...to shut up is a truly maniacal twerp! In the name of the moon, I will punish you!

Bill Gates: And how are you going to do that?

Lady Lita: And she's...lifting her skirt?

Bill Gates: NO! It's just a body suit! All my dreams have been shattered! Argh! *Reels from the sight*

Prince Saturn Warrior: And Bill and Moon leave the booth. Sailor Moon is rearing up to kick, and...

Hot dog vendor: Um, miss?

Sailor Moon: Yes?

Hot dog vendor: You still have to pay for those dogs.

Sailor Moon: How much?

Hot dog vendor: $1,869.87

Lady Lita: And Sailor Moon passes out from the gigantic bill.

Prince Saturn Warrior: It's the tax that does it. *Accidentially pushes a buttton on the console.*

Lady Lita: Now look what you did! Yet another gigantic squishy mallet knocks Tux straight up into the air where...Yes, Tux has been hit by an airplane, and is now riding on the wing.

Bill Gates: What's with those mallets anyways?

Prince Saturn Warrior: Well, now it's just Richard and Bill. Where is Richard anyways?

Lady Lita: Oh! Richard tackles Bill from behind and they now are rolling down the stairway.

Prince Saturn Warrior: That must hurt! Oh look! They crashed into the hot dog vendor on the way down, and are now carrying him with them.

Hot dog vendor: What the heck? I don't earn enough for this!

Lady Lita: And the bundle of combatants run into the mezzanine fence, knocking it over and sending the three flying into the arena.

Prince Saturn Warrior: We've got to replace that tonight. And the three land right into the arena, with Bill landing directly on the waterspout that Tux left. And it looks like...steam?

Bill Gates: Ack! I'm melting! I'm melting! What a world!

Lady Lita: And Bill Gates melts into a toxic sludge, making Richard Garfield our winner!

Crowd: Yay!

Fox Mulder: Believe!

Dana Scully: Oh dear!

Richard Garfield: My socks are all wet!

Prince Saturn Warrior: Well, with Bill leaking into the water supply, I definitely won't be using the lavatory here any time soon. Until next time, I'm Prince Saturn Warrior,

Lady Lita: And I'm Lady Lita. Join us next time when we pit Lara Croft against Xena to find out who's the World's Most Deadly Female.

Prince Saturn Warrior: Who do you think will win, Lady?

Lady Lita: Me, of course.

Prince Saturn Warrior: Why?

Lady Lita: *Shoves the blade of her battle axe up to Prince Saturn Warrior's neck* That's why!

Prince Saturn Warrior: Yipes! Well, until next week,

Lady Lita and Prince Saturn Warrior: See ya!