Scene VII: Playing Party Games

When we last saw our characters, we were at a party, or rather we were in a flashback of what had happened at a party. Matt was in the hospital and Melissa, ever the faithful companion, was bedside, recapping the previous night's goings on.

((((WAVY FLASH-FORWARD LINES Back to the hospital))))

MP: Heh heh. So, Miss Trancer have to face the wheel?

MM: Well, not exactly. While we set up the dart board and gathered around for the festivities to begin, she slinked out and secured a new present. The always fashionably late Trancer brought the Goddess one chariot stolen from the God Apollo. Now, I have no clue what she had to do to get this thing, but all I know is that Mr. pathologically Honest is now the proud owner of three majic beans and a cow that gives sour milk.

MP: Now, it can be day or night whenever the heck the Goddess wants it. That should be handy for raids on unsuspecting villages and a good way to smuggle Hudson around town to avoid Morgan.

MM: that reminds me. Trancer got Hudson a great gift too. Steven Spielberg and a five picture contract from Dreamworks. It's only five 'cuz Hudson can make as many movies as she wants to now. And let me tell you, Mr. Spielberg was awfully surprised when she showed up with her *cough, cough, wheeze* offer.

MP: MMmmmmm, offers from Trancer.......

MM: ((I hate him.)) But let me tell you about the games...

((((Wavy flashback lines to the party))))))

It was time for the party games to begin. Jason had set up his gift to Callisto, a dart board with Xena: Destroyer of Nations' picture as the target, on the wall across from where Callisto was standing.

The dart game ended abruptly when The Goddess (who of course went first) threw her dart, which not only hit Xena's image in the left eye, but burst into flames. It took Trancer and two firemen forty five minutes to put out the flames and restore calm to the crowd.

MM: Um...ok. ((staring at huge black smudge mark on her wall and thinking "why me?"))

GC: ((because I thought it would be funny)))

MM: Oh.

HL: Next game will be Callisto says

((As Hudson says that, a rumbling sound from the floor produces "Callisto's Throne" (RoC). The chair pushes itself up from the ground, ruining Melissa's floor and flinging rocks about the floor.))

GC: Ahh, much better. ((Seats herself and gets comfy.)) Ok. Callisto says, Jump on one foot....Bello's.

(scene of Bello standing motionless, not letting a cry escape his lips as we all walk over and mash his left foot.)

GC: Callisto says, Clap?

(we all point accusatory fingers at one another

GC: Scream real loud.

(Tower begins to let loose with his best "Righteous Callisto pissed of battle yell" then cups his hand over his mouth. Goddess Callisto points at a nearby rock, which rises and flings itself across the room, smacking Tower in the noggin. He almost falls, but jerks his balance so that he remains standing)

GC: Good one Tower. I didn't say "fall". Callisto says gather closer to the throne.

(we all move. GC stands up on the back of her throne, arms sticking out for balance)

GC: Catch me! (hurls herself over crowd)

Now, to fully understand what will happen, we need to run the tape at half speed here. We see GC above the heads of her faithful. We are now entering into a metaphysical quandary that would make most Sufi masters swallow their own tongues. First, we have the rules of "Callisto Says",where you only obey a command when it is prefaced with the words "Callisto Says". Got it?

Ok. But, we also have a rule that says No Harm Shall Befall Our Goddess. Which basically means that we go to war on any who threaten Herself, or her effects. So, that would counteract the lack of prefactory commands right?

We also have a rule: You Never Touch the Goddess. Matt smacked her once on the leg to kill a mosquito. He can forecast the rain now and walks with a limp in the winter.

Plus, because no one was stupid enough to move when not told "Callisto Says move," some people were going to get taken out.

Bello (who was nursing a sore foot), Tower, (bleeding from a head wound) Wesser (dumbstruck), Trancer (who was eyeballing the firemen just in case they were needed), Jason (who didn't know it but had a kick me sign on his back from 1st Fire for getting Callisto on this whole "Party Game" kick), and Matt (who was thinking "Come to Butt-Head") from some unknowable hypothalamic level decided at the same time that since *they* were in the direct path of the divine projectile, something needed to be done.

Let's resume normal play here.

MM: Catch! ((Melissa wasn't allowed to play -- GC felt that it was either "beneath her station" or "just wanted to be pissy"--. She was standing next to a card table (furnishings provided by Convenient Card Tables Inc.) turned and did that really boss pull-the-tablecloth-and-don't-mess-up-the-place-setting-tricks, threw the tablecloth to the crowd and said a prayer to whatever deity was listening))

MP, TWR, 1STF, JAS, BLO, WSR & TR: Got it!

(The Goddess lands in the middle of the taut cloth and is sprung backwards about ten feet. The throne was approx. 5.5 feet behind her. GC knocks over the throne, arms and legs akimbo. A low "unh" sound was heard from GC lips at the moment of impact.)

All: *GASP!*

Scene VIII: Party Winds Down.

When we last saw our beloved Goddess of Obsession and Boss Bellybutton oh Sweet Fancy Moses, you know the rest... Anyway, she had been catapulted over her throne and landed on her hinder. Things were going to be mighty rough in the land of make believe

(((wavy flashforward lines....at the hospital)))

MM: So that's when Stephen burst through the door holding out the silver cheese grater. CIA Director Dailey was standing guard near the door cause of the whole Morgan scare and when he saw the flash of silver, he yelled "Gun!" and dove for Stephen. Well, he really didn't know it was Stephen, but dove for the figure in the doorway.

MP: Oh man.

MM: yeah, but before Dailey could reach Stephen, Goddess stood up and sent a lightning bolt through him.

MP: How long did it take Trancer and the firemen to revive Stephen?

MM: Forty five minutes to *re-animate* him!

MP: Yikes! Well, having cause the untimely discorporatin of a follower must've cheered her up.

MM: In a sense, but not for long See after that happened, Bello got sick from gorging himself on donuts. You know how he likes them...

Together: With mayo. ((shiver))

MM: Then that started a parastaltic chain reaction that sent most of our guests out onto the lawn.

MP: too bad. Did I get sick?

MM: No, by that time you were already in the kitchen making more food. Jeez, for a guy who's afraid of gas stove tops, you worked your way around my place real good.

MP: Well, yeah. I had to impress the babes.

MM: Hmph.

MP: C'mon Hudson liked the sandwiches I made her.

MM: First, don't you think she's tired of tofu avocado whatever pitas? That's all anyone feeds her when she's over. No one ever gives her like a big steaming slab of ribs or nothing. Plus, you pimped her on the tofu. (Pimped = cheated or skimped out on something)

MP: I'm afraid of it.

MM: Wha--?

MP: Well, I've never seen it, but it's been described to me as cream cheese covered in spam packing. ((gag))

MM: Yeah, well. It didn't go over too swell.

MP: After I made her lunch, and Wesser spilled that punch on her I don't remember too much.

((((wavy flashback lines))))

Hudson came down the stairs, having changed into something of Melissa's. An old Motley Crue T-shirt and pink harem pants. The wolf whistles were cut short by Callisto's dagger whizzing over everyone's head and notching itself into the far wall.

MM: (thinking) great another home repair I have to make.

GC: What was that, my dearest bard? (arched eyebrow)

MM: Oh nothing.

GC: I'd worry more about the fact that everyone knows that you A) Have a Motley Crue T-Shirt and B) have pink harem pants.

MP: ((Who was within earshot)) I'll help her change. ((This was an honest gesture. Meant in the sincerest way, not some dirty perv way. He'd have turned his head. GC would have know that if she would have read his mind. But she doesn't like to; he has crappy 80's music playing all the time in there. So, GC punched him. Real hard.)))

MP: That didn't hurt. ((Blinking back tears))

GC: no, you can't help her change. Bard! Oh, Bard. Do be a dear and go find something more suitable for our dear guest.

MM: (under her breath) Oh sure, I have to play dress up for a 28 year old woman who doesn't instinctively know that harem pants and a Crue T-shirt don't go together. Everyone know that a fishnet body sock goes --))

GC: What as that, Melissa?

MM: Yes, Goddess. Right away.

(((((Wavy Flashback lines. We're back at the hospital))))

MP: I don't remember any of that. What happened after that?

MM: Well, I had this real hottie outfit that I bought as a Holloween costume and of course it looked great on Hudson. And she again turned heads when she walked down the stairs. You know that party back in 87?

MP: the Come-as-your-favorite-Rock-Video-Girl jam? Do I ever!

MM: Well she had that on. Without the purple wig.

MP: Hot Damn!

MM: ((guilt feeling starts...now)) yeah, heh heh. Well, that drew too much attention from The Goddess, I mean it *was* her party after all, so Hudson was told to change again. This time she came down in one of my old V commander uniforms.

MP: Cool. I love that outfit.

MM: ((guilt sinking in deeper)) yeah, I know that.

MP: You ok? What's on your mind?

MM: You don't remember how you wound up here? C'mon, Matt you can't be that far gone.

MP: I have no clue what you're talking about.

MM: When you fainted and smacked your head on the coffee table. The glass one. Looked like a scene from _Heathers_?

MP: ((In best Ricki Ricardo voice)) Lucy, go 'head. 'Splain yourself.

MM: Well, I thought it'd be a hoot if Hudson went over to you and sat on your lap. Then she started singing "My heart belongs to Daddy." Yeah, as a Soc type person, that's sick, but damnit if I didn't think it was funny at the time. Then ((swallows hard)) your eyes got real big and you toppled over, sent glass everywhere, sent Hudson rolling on the floor, hitting Wesser behind the knees knocking him over backwards. When he went down his punch went flying --

MP: Man, he hold onto his drinks as good as Mulder carries a gun.

MM: Yeah. ((smiles)) You ok?

MP: Lets see, Hudson sat on my lap, Goddess liked my gifts, called me precious even. yeah, I say it was worth it.

Scene IX: EPILOGUE

While Matt was rushed to the hospital and the party goers took that as their clue to leave, Hudson and Goddess Callisto milled around what was left of Melissa's place. The final tally revealed four holes in the walls, punch and or blood was on the carpet, a fire in the fridge and for some reason and the couch smelled like an old pumpkin.

Goddess Callisto waved her hand and returned the apartment to it's original form. Hudson once again was clothed in the togs she showed up in.

HL: That was nice of you to clean the place up.

GC: Please, do you think that I'm going to leave it like this? When Meli - I mean my Bard pulls into the driveway, I'm turning it back. Nice party, don't you think?

(Hudson nods and goes about moving the couch so she can lay down and still have a clear view of the TV)

HL: hey, there's a box here. Note says it's for you. (tosses it)

GC: Thanks. Hrmmm. (shakes it) Strange. It's plain black and make of some kind of glass. There's a stamp on the card that says it was from M&M made in the Oedipal Complex Underground Labs. Melissa and Matt?

HL: what does it do?

GC: (not wanting to admit she didn't know) Here, I already played with it. Your turn. ((as GC wound up to toss it back to Hudson, the box was activated. The voices of Matt, followed by Melissa in turn recited a poem:))

MP: It's a Burning Cirra Evening
At the end of Xena's day
And I'm watching as my mother
And my family scream in pain

MM: I wanted just to tell her
That by my hands she'll die
But the little girl is calling
To gods that don't reply

MP: There's a body without feelings
That I can't identify
And I'd like to reassure you
But I'm afraid that I might cry

MM: It's a Burning Cirra evening
It's time for paying debts
And I'm lurking in the shadows
Cause it hasn't happened yet

HL: Wow, that was--(loss for words)

GC: (whispering) the best.

"Whew that took long enough," Melissa stretched back on the chaise lounge near the pool. "You're worse than me."

Matt leaned over and grabbed an ice cube from his tea and held it over Melissa, letting it drip on her forehead.

"Hey," she batted away his hand. Unknown to him Callisto was watching the interaction from the deep end of the pool. With a blink, Matt found himself in the pool and the Goddess was holding ice above her favorite Bard's head.

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